Read Short Story : Best Flowers

One day Akbar was taking a walk in his Royal gardens with several courtiers. Many flowers were flowering at that time of season. A poet pointed out towards a beautiful flower and said, "Look Jahaanpanaah, how beautiful flower that is? No man can produce such a beautiful thing as this." Birbal was also there. He said, "I don't agree with this, sometimes man can make more beautiful things than this." Akbar said, "Oh no Birbal, you are talking nonsense. This flower is really very beautiful."

After a few days, Birbal presented Akbar a very skilled craftsman from Agra. He presented a beautiful carved marble bouquet of flowers. The Emperor was very happy to see it, and gave him one thousand gold coins.

Just then a boy came and presented the Emperor a beautiful bouquet of real flowers. The Emperor was very happy to see it too, so he gave a silver coin to the boy. Birbal said, "So the carving was more beautiful than the real thing."

Akbar understood that he had fallen in the hands of his witty minister once again.

Short Sweet Reply : English Story

Akbar used to ask many odd questions from his courtiers and amused himself. One day he entered the Royal Court, settled in his Royal chair, and asked his courtiers: "What punishment should be given to a person who pulls my mustache?"

One said, "He should be beheaded."
Another said, "He should be flogged."
Yet another said, "He should be hanged."

"What do you think, Birbal?" the Emperor asked Birbal. Birbal kept quiet for a moment, then said, "Jahaanpanaah, he should be given sweets."  "What, Birbal? Have you gone crazy? Do you know what are you saying?"  Birbal replied politely, "I am not crazy, Jahaanpanaah. And I know what I am saying."  "Then how can you talk like this?" the King asked in anger.  Birbal again replied politely, "Because, Jahaanpanaah, the only person can dare to do this is your grandson."

So pleased was the King with this answer, that he gave his ring to Birbal as a reward.

Identifies the Guest

Once Birbal was invited for dinner by a rich man. When Birbal reached there, he found himself in a large crowd. The host greeted him warmly and took him inside. Birbal said, "I did not know that there will be so many guests in this gathering." The host replied politely, "They are not guests, Sir. They are my employees except one who is the only other guest here besides you. Could you tell who is that other one guest here?"
"Maybe, I could. Tell them a joke, and I will observe them." The rich man told the joke and everybody laughed uproariously. Perhaps this was the worst joke Birbal had ever heard in his life. Now the rich man asked Birbal, "I have told the joke, now you tell me who is the other guest here?" Birbal pointed out towards a man and said, "He is that other guest." The rich man was very surprised hearing this that how could he recognize the other guest. He said to him, "You are right Birbal, but how did you recognize him?"

Birbal said, "Because only employees can laugh on such a joke. He was the only person who did not even smile on your joke, so I immediately recognized him as the other guest."

मूर्खों की फेहरिस्त

बादशाह अकबर घुड़सवारी के इतने शौकीन थे कि पसंद आने पर घोड़े का मुंहमांगा दाम देने को तैयार रहते थे। दूर-दराज के मुल्कों, जैसे अरब, पर्शिया आदि से घोड़ों के विक्रेता मजबूत व आकर्षक घोड़े लेकर दरबार में आया करते थे। बादशाह अपने व्यक्तिगत इस्तेमाल के लिए चुने गए घोड़े की अच्छी कीमत दिया करते थे। जो घोड़े बादशाह की रुचि के नहीं होते थे उन्हें सेना के लिए खरीद लिया जाता था।

अकबर के दरबार में घोड़े के विक्रेताओं का अच्छा व्यापार होता था।

एक दिन घोड़ों का एक नया विक्रेता दरबार में आया। अन्य व्यापारी भी उसे नहीं जानते थे। उसने दो बेहद आकर्षक घोड़े बादशाह को बेचे और कहा कि वह ठीक ऐसे ही सौ घोड़े और लाकर दे सकता है, बशर्ते उसे आधी कीमत पेशगी दे दी जाए।

बादशाह को चूंकि घोड़े बहुत पसंद आए थे, सो वैसे ही सौ और घोड़े लेने का तुरंत मन बना लिया।

बादशाह ने अपने खजांची को बुलाकर व्यापारी को आधी रकम अदा करने को कहा। खजांची उस व्यापारी को लेकर खजाने की ओर चल दिया। लेकिन किसी को भी यह उचित नहीं लगा कि बादशाह ने एक अनजान व्यापारी को इतनी बड़ी रकम बतौर पेशगी दे दी। लेकिन विरोध जताने की हिम्मत किसी के पास न थी।

सभी चाहते थे कि बीरबल यह मामला उठाए।

बीरबल भी इस सौदे से खुश न था। वह बोला, ‘‘हुजूर ! कल मुझे आपने शहर भर के मूर्खों की सूची बनाने को कहा था। मुझे खेद है कि उस सूची में आपका नाम सबसे ऊपर है।’’

बादशाह अकबर का चेहरा मारे गुस्से के सुर्ख हो गया। उन्हें लगा कि बीरबल ने भरे दरबार में विदेशी मेहमानों के सामने उनका अपमान किया है।

गुस्से से भरे बादशाह चिल्लाए, ‘‘तुम्हारी हिम्मत कैसे हुई हमें मूर्ख बताने की ?’’

‘‘क्षमा करें बादशाह सलामत।’’ बीरबल अपना सिर झुकाते हुए सम्मानित लहजे में बोला आप चाहें तो मेरा सर कलम करवा दें, यदि आप के कहने पर तैयार की गई मूर्खों की फेहरिस्त में आपका नाम सबसे ऊपर रखना आपको गलत लगे।’’

दरबार में ऐसा सन्नाटा छा गया कि सुई गिरे तो आवाज सुनाई दे जाए।
अब बादशाह अकबर अपना सीधा हाथ उठाए, तर्जनी को बीरबल की ओर ताने आगे बढ़े। दरबार में मौजूद सभी लोगों की सांस जैसे थम सी गई थी। उत्सुक्ता व उत्तेजना सभी के चेहरों पर नृत्य कर रही थी। उन्हें लगा कि बादशाह सलामत बीरबल का सिर धड़ से अलग कर देंगे। इससे पहले किसी की इतनी हिम्मत न हुई थी कि बादशाह को मूर्ख कहे।

लेकिन बादशाह ने अपना हाथ बीरबल के कंधे पर रख दिया। वह कारण जानना चाहते थे। बीरबल समझ गया कि बादशाह क्या चाहते हैं। वह बोला, ‘‘आपने घोड़ों के ऐसे व्यापारी को बिना सोचे-समझे एक मोटी रकम पेशगी दे दी, जिसका अता-पता भी कोई नहीं जानता। वह आपको धोखा भी दे सकता है। इसलिए मूर्खों की सूची में आपका नाम सबसे ऊपर है। हो सकता है कि अब वह व्यापारी वापस ही न लौटे। वह किसी अन्य देश में जाकर बस जाएगा और आपको ढूढ़े नहीं मिलेगा। किसी से कोई भी सौदा करने के पूर्व उसके बारे में जानकारी तो होनी ही चाहिए। उस व्यापारी ने आपको मात्र दो घोड़े बेचे और आप इतने मोहित हो गए कि मोटी रकम बिना उसको जाने-पहचाने ही दे दी। यही कारण है बस।’’

‘‘तुरंत खजाने में जाओ और रकम की अदायगी रुकवा दो।’’ अकबर ने तुरंत अपने एक सेवक को दौड़ाया।

बीरबल बोला, ‘‘अब आपका नाम उस सूची में नहीं रहेगा।’’

बादशाह अकबर कुछ क्षण तो बीरबल को घूरते रहे, फिर अपनी दृष्टि दरबारियों पर केन्द्रित कर ठहाका लगाकर हंस पड़े। सभी लोगों ने राहत की सांस ली कि बादशाह को अपनी गलती का अहसास हो गया था। हंसी में दरबारियों ने भी साथ दिया और बीरबल की चतुराई की एक स्वर से प्रशंसा की।

akbar birbal stories in hindi - मासूम सज़ा

एक दिन बादशाह अकबर ने दरबार में आते ही दरबारियों से पूछा – किसी ने आज मेरी मूंछें नोचने की जुर्रत की। उसे क्या सज़ा दी जानी चाहिए।

दरबारियों में से किसी ने कहा – उसे सूली पर लटका देना चाहिए, किसी ने कहा उसे फाँसी दे देनी चाहिए, किसी ने कहा उसकी गरदन धड़ से तत्काल उड़ा देनी चाहिए।

बादशाह नाराज हुए। अंत में उन्होंने बीरबल से पूछा – तुमने कोई राय नहीं दी!
बादशाह धीरे से मुस्कराए, बोले - क्या मतलब? 
जहाँपनाह, ख़ता माफ हो, इस गुनहगार को तो सज़ा के बजाए उपहार देना चाहिए – बीरबल ने जवाब दिया। जहाँपनाह, जो व्यक्ति आपकी मूँछें नोचने की जुर्रत कर सकता है, वह आपके शहजादे के सिवा कोई और हो ही नहीं सकता जो आपकी गोद में खेलता है। गोद में खेलते-खेलते उसने आज आपकी मूँछें नोच ली होंगी। उस मासूम को उसकी इस जुर्रत के बदले मिठाई खाने की मासूम सज़ा दी जानी चाहिए – बीरबल ने खुलासा किया।

बादशाह ने ठहाका लगाया और अन्य दरबारी बगलें झांकने लगे।

Akbar Birbal Jokes

Akbar Birbal Joke 1: (Ammi - Abba)

Akbar : Hamare ammi abba humse itni mohabt karte thhe, ke hame sulane k lie sari sari raat jagte rehte, or hum fir b na sote the.
Birbal  : Tbhi to aap eklote reh gaye huzoor.

Akbar Birbal Joke 2: (Khakar Peekar Bhi Roja Na Toote)

Akbar : Birbal koi aisa tarika batao ki main khau peeu or mera roza na tute.

Birbal : Huzur logo se laate khao or gussa pee jao sab kuch tutega magar roza nahi tutega.

Akbar Birbal Joke 3: (Ku Su Joke)
Akbar tells Birbal that he has learnt adding Ku to something makes it bad and Su to something makes it good.

While speaking all this Akbar's Son enters the room, Birbal gets up says Come Come "Suvar" Saheb (which means pig). Akbar gets very angry on this insult, he asks Birbal to explain this. Birbal says Badshah you yourself said Ku means bad and Su means good, then how could I call your son "Kuvar" (a Rajput word for Prince), hence I called him Suvar...

Akbar Birbal Joke 4: (Good Qualities)
One day, Birbal was talking of a dinner he had eaten the day before. In doing so, he described brinjal (baingan) as be -gun i.e. without any good qualities. Akbar, who at the very moment was passing by, overheard this and started praising the qualities of the brinjal as bahu-gun i.e one without myriad qualities. Birbal promptly agreed. Thereupon, Akbar remonstrated with Birbal and asked him how Birbal could contradict himself. Birbal, with his famous presence of mind, retorted 'But Your Highness, I am your servant and not of the brinjal!'


Akbar Birbal Joke 5: (Sir Student)
Sir         : Birbal Kon Tha?
Student : Pta Nahi.
Sir         : Padhai Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.
Student : Raj,Sunny,Bunty, Kon Hain?
Sir         : Pta Nhi.
Student : Beti Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.. .

Akbar Birbal Joke 6: (A Kiss)
Akbar  : Mujse Vada Kr Teri Biwi Ke Pehli Kiss muje Lene Dega.
Birbal  : Vada Hujoor! Par Meri bhi ek Sart Hai.
Akbar  : Bol?
Birbal  : Shadi aapki Behan Se Karunga.

Akbar Birbal Joke 7: (Gay)

Teacher : who was AKBAR?

Boy        : Akbar was gay!!

Teacher : why?

Boy        : v hav heard. Laila-Majnu, ......Heer-Ranjha, Adam-Eve, Soni-Mahival & only Akbar-Birbal...;

Funny Sardar jokes

Techer 2 sardar: UR son is a Fool..
See his report..
Eng-02
Mat-05
Science-07
SST-08
Hindi-03
Total-25
Sardar-Total ne to kamal kia he.Is subject ki tustion tak nahi rakhi thi.

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Sardar moving around in market with parrot on shoulder,
Someone asks: 'Kidhar se liya ye janwar..
Punjab se laya hu sale ko..!!

Replies the Parrot..!!

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Sardar : Mujhe phone par dhamkiya mil rahi he.
Police: Kaun He Wo?
Sardar: VODAFONE wale,Bolte he Bill N Bhara To Kaat Denge...!!

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Santa: Dukh to jivan ka sathi hai aur sukh to ata-jata hai...

Banta : Sahi baat hai,meri BIWI hamesha sath hi rahti hai,aur meri sali aati-jati hai...

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Sardar: Yaar Aaj Mujhay Ajeeb Msg Aaya or mera Mobil off Ho Gaya.
Pathan: Aisa Konsa Msg Aya?
Sardar: Battery low.
Pathan: Send Kar...Sabko

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Indian Athlete lost Gold Medal in Long jumo"
Sardar reads in Paper n says Angerly " He deserved it! who told that idiot to wear the Gold Medal while jumping?
JAY HIND..

Funny Jokes

1st sardar:
oye agar neend na aaey to kia kia jaey?

2nd Sardar:Neend ka intizar kernay se behtar
hai k banda soo hi jaye:p

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1 sardar rail ki patri per sogaya.
1 admi ne kaha kia ker raho ho?
Train aayegi tu mar jao gay!
Sardar:Mairy oper se jahaz guzar gaya
tu kuch nahin howa, rail kia cheez hay

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Sardar 2 doctr: Mujhey 1 problem hay
DR:Kia?
Sardar:Bat karty waqt admi dikhai nahin deta
Dr:aisa kub hota hay?
Sardar:Phone kartay waqt:p

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Sardar : Yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai.
Friend : Acha wo kaise?

Sardar : Yar kal mein ghar gaya to wo bathtub
mai bhi security guard k sath bethi thi.!!

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Wife:Please bike taze na chalao
mujhey dar lag raha hay.

Sardar: Agar tujhy bhi dar lag raha hay
to meri tarah ankhein band kar lay.:P

Sardar jokes funny

Santa Shouting 2 His GF
" U Said V Will Do Register
Marriage And Cheated Me,
I Was Waiting 4 U
Yesterday Whole Day
In The Post Office...."

Sardar Ki Maa
Puttar Tujhay Yahan Se
Jalindhar Janay Mein 1 Din Laga
Aur
Wapas Aanay Mein 3 Din Wo B Naye Car Se
Srdar : Maa Ye Car Bananay Wale Bhi
Pagal Hein Janay K Liay 4 Gear
Or Aanay Ke Liay Sirf 1 (Revers) Gear.

Teacher:Wo Kon C Cheez Hay
Jo Insan Ke Izzat Ko Mazbooti

Say Jakray Rakhti Hay?
Sardar Je: MISS

"NARRA":-)

Santa- Yaar!
A Auratein Sharab
Se Nafrat Q Karati Hai?
Banta- Islye Ki,
Sharab Pine Ke
Baad Chuhe Jaisa
Pati Bhi Sher
Ho Jata Hai.

Birbal’s Khichri (Rice)

On a cold winter day Akbar and Birbal took a walk along the lake. A thought came to Birbal that a man would do anything for money. He expressed his feelings to Akbar. Akbar then put his finger into the lake and immediately removed it because he shivered with cold. Akbar said “I don’t think a man would spend an entire night in the cold water of this lake for money.” Birbal replied “I am sure I can find such a person.” Akbar then challenged Birbal into finding such a person and said that he would reward the person with a thousand gold coins.

Birbal searched far and wide until he found a poor man who was desperate enough to accept the challenge. The poor man entered the lake and Akbar had guards posted near him to make sure that he really did as promised. The next morning the guards took the poor man to Akbar. Akbar asked the poor man if he had indeed spent the night in the lake. The poor man replied that he had. Akbar then asked the poor man how he managed to spend the night in the lake.

The poor man replied that there was a street lamp near by and he kept his attention affixed on the lamp and away from the cold. Akbar then said that there would be no reward as the poor man had survived the night in the lake by the warmth of the street lamp. The poor man went to Birbal for help.

The next day, Birbal did not go to court. The king wondering where he was, sent a messenger to his home. The messenger came back saying that Birbal would come once his Khichri(Rice) was cooked. The king waited hours but Birbal did not come. Finally the king decided to go to Birbal’s house and see what he was up to.

He found Birbal sitting on the floor near some burning twigs and a bowl filled with Khichri(Rice) hanging five feet above the fire. The king and his attendants couldn’t help but laugh.

Akbar then said to Birbal “How can the Khichri(Rice) be cooked if it so far away from the fire?”

Birbal answered “The same way the poor man received heat from a street lamp that was more than a furlong away.”

The King understood his mistake and gave the poor man his reward.

Crows in the Kingdom

One day Emperor Akbar and Birbal were taking a walk in the palace gardens. It was a nice summer morning and there were plenty of crows happily playing around the pond. While watching the crows, a question came into Akbar’s head. He wondered how many crows were there in his kingdom.

Since Birbal was accompanying him, he asked Birbal this question. After a moment’s thought, Birbal replied, “There are ninety-five thousand four hundred and sixty-three crows in the Kingdom”.

Amazed by his quick response, Akbar tried to test him again, “What if there are more crows than you answered?” Without hesitating Birbal replied, “If there are more crows than my answer, then some crows are visiting from other neighboring kingdoms”. “And what if there are less crows”, Akbar asked. “Then some crows from our kingdom have gone on holidays to other places”.

The Wicked Barber’s Plight – Akbar & Birbal

As we all know, Birbal was not only Emperor Akbar’s favorite minister but also a minister dearly loved by most of the commoners, because of his ready wit and wisdom. People used to come to him from far and wide for advise on personal matters too.  However, there was a group of ministers that were jealous of his growing popularity and disliked him intensely. They outwardly showered him with praise and compliments, but on the inside they began to hatch a plot to kill him.

One day they approached the king’s barber with a plan. As the barber was extremely close to the king, they asked him to help them get rid of Birbal permanently. And of course, they promised him a huge sum of money in return. The wicked barber readily agreed.

The next time the king required his services, the barber started a conversation about the emperor’s father who he also used to serve. He sang praises of his fine, silky-smooth hair. And then as an afterthought he asked the king that as he was enjoying such great prosperity, had he made an attempt to do anything for the welfare of his ancestors?

The king was furious at such impertinent stupidity and told the barber that it was not possible to do anything because they were already dead. The barber mentioned that he knew of a magician who could come of help. The magician could send a person up to heaven to enquire about his father’s welfare. But of course this person would have to be chosen carefully; he would have to be intelligent enough to follow the magicians instructions as well as make on-the-spot decisions. He must be wise, intelligent and responsible. The barber then suggested the best person for the job – the wisest of all ministers, Birbal.

The king was very excited about hearing from his dead father and asked the barber to go ahead and make the arrangements immediately. He asked him what was needed to be done. The barber explained that they would take Birbal in a procession to the burial grounds and light a pyre. The magician would then chant some ‘mantras’ as Birbal would ascend to the heavens through the smoke. The chanting would help protect Birbal from the fire.

The king happily informed Birbal of this plan. Birbal said that he thought it a brilliant idea and wanted to know the brain behind it. When learning that it was the barber’s idea, he agreed to go to heaven on condition that he be given a large some of money for the long journey as well as one month’s time to settle his family so that they had no trouble while he was gone. The king agreed to both conditions.

In the duration of this month, he got a few trustworthy men to build a tunnel from the funeral grounds to his house. And on the day of the ascension, after the pyre had been lit, Birbal escaped through the concealed door of the tunnel. He disappeared in to his house where he hid for a few months while his hair and beard grew long and unruly.

In the meantime his enemies were rejoicing as they thought that they had seen the last of Birbal. Then one day after many, many months Birbal arrived at the palace with news of the king’s father. The king was extremely pleased to see him and ready with a barrage of questions. Birbal told the king that his father was in the best of spirits and had been provided with all the comforts except one.

The king wanted to know what was lacking because now he thought he had found a way to send things and people to heaven. Birbal answered that there were no barbers in heaven, which is why even he was forced to grow his own beard. He said that his father had asked for a good barber.

So the king decided to send his own barber to serve his father in heaven. He called both the barber and the magician to prepare to send him to heaven. The barber could say absolutely nothing in his own defense as he was caught in his own trap. And once the pyre was lit he died on the spot.

Nobody dared to conspire against Birbal again.

Milk for the Mulla

One day the Mullaa Nasruddin was going somewhere. He met a man carrying a milk can. The man said to Mullaa, "Mullaa Jee, I have some problem, I want your advice." "Why not, what is that problem?" said the Mullaa eyeing on his milk can.

The man said, "Whenever I get up in the morning, I feel intoxicated. I don't know what to do, and I don't understand what may be the problem." Mullaa asked, "What do you take in the last before you sleep?" The man said, "Normally I drink milk."

The Mullaa said, "Now I understood, this is your problem." "What is that?" asked the man perplexedly. The Mullaa said to him, "Because milk causes the intoxication." "How?" asked the man innocently. Mullaa explained to him, "You drink milk before sleeping. In sleep, you toss around. So milk gets churned. It turns into butter, butter gets churned, it turns into fat. Fat gets churned, it turns into sugar. Then sugar gets churned, and it turns into alcohol. So when you wake up in the morning you wake up with alcohol in your stomach, that is why you feel intoxicated."

"So what do I do?" asked the man in simplicity. Mullaa said, "It is so simple. Don't drink milk. Here, Give it to me." Mullaa virtually snatched the milk can from the man and went on his way. The poor man stood there bewildered. He went to Birbal and got his milk back somehow.

Rajnikant Jokes

Principal – Beta, What you want to become when you grow old?

Student –
After Studying MBBS ,
I want to join the police force
and get good job in a software company
and work as a lawyer
and construct Big buildings
and conduct research
and become a successful actor…

Principle – Whats your name Beta ?

Student – Rajnikanth!

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Once a guy winked at Rajnikant’s wife…

Rajni the boss twisted his limbs and broke his eyelids…

We now know him as Baba Ramdev..!!!

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The death of Michael Jackson is revealed..

The day before MJ died..,
MJ saw RAJINIKANTH’s Dance n got Shocked!

Because Rajini had performed SUNWALK !!

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Daya fainted n went into coma by seeing that…..

.

.

that
RAJNIKANT broke the door just by knocking it. 

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Bush: Osama mile toh use fod do..

Gandhi: Hinsa achi baat nhi, use chhod do..

Einstein: Samay rukta nhi, to use mod do..

Manmohan: theek hai!

Sonia: desh k liye mujhe vote do..

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Biceps build karne ke liye uspar load do..

Bill Gates: Windows unlock karne k liye use code do!

Rajnikanth: oye admin ! mere kaarname duniya ke samne lana chhod do

And the best one

.
.
ACP Praduman: Daya, khooni andar hai, main kehta hu darwaza tod do..

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How Celebrity Cracker will blast ? Read funny Diwali Dhamaka #CelebCrackers

Bollywood celebrity:

1) #CelebCrackers Sonam Kapoor bomb will be decorated well but as soon as it is ignited.. "Phusss"

2) If you will Alok Nath bomb, it will shower flowers on you. #CelebCrackers

3) #celebcrackers Salman Khan rocket.Kills roadside people.

4) Lal rang ki surri aur golden colour ka yeh bomb, saalon saal same dikhe, diwali pe diwali, pesh hai Rekha Bomb #CelebCrackers

5) Amir Khan brand - light it up this DIWALI and it will burst next DIWALI. #CelebCrackers

6) Big B Bomb: It's quite posh & is status symbol if you can afford. (Disclaimer: Bomb No T-1102 can't fire off before T-1101) #CelebCrackers

7) Ekta kapoor rocket : Once ignited,goes up,Comes down back in the bottle.Again goes up. Repeats this 3 times #CelebCrackers

8) After lighting a Taran Adarsh rocket you can see 5 stars in the sky. #CelebCrackers

Political celebrity:

9) Narendra Modi Cracker will Gain Audience and then Blast.... #CelebCrackers

10) Don't purchase advani bomb as it will always remain in waiting #CelebCrackers

11) Woh anar jo jalte hue har 49 second baad rang badle, pesh hai Kejriwal Anar #CelebCrackers

12) Light bhi chamkegi, dhuan bhi niklega par aawaj nahi aaegi. Manmohan Patake.#CelebCrackers

13) #CelebCrackers Manmohan Singh bomb, you ignite it and see it will always be silent. On the contrary take Arnab Goswami bomb and booom!!!

14) Rahul Gandhi Bomb: It won't blast but only release Nitrous Oxide (laughing gas) and you'll die laughing. #CelebCrackers

15) Jalate jalate doosre k ghar Mein pahuch jaati hai,janab uss ghar ko bhi aapna kehne ka dawa kar jaati hai-Bilawal Chakri #CelebCrackers

16) A rajdeep sardesai bomb will catch fire only when it is slapped;-p #celebCrackers

Sports celebrity

17) Sachin Tendulkar Bombs will be sold as Master Blaster. #CelebCrackers

18) A sania mirza bomb will blast in india but the noise will be heard in pakistan. #CelebCrackers

19) Dhoni Bomb - Explodes when everyone is like " Saala kab fatega?" #CelebCrackers

Whats Up Jokes

Kejriwal ne 12 baje ghadi me time dekha
To usne ghadi tod di..

Jab Kisi ne puchha kyun todi?

To bola..

Yeh teeno suiya mili hui hai!!

................................................................

Wife — Pooja kiya karo, Balaayein tal jayegi

Husband —
Tere baap ne bahut ki hogi,
Uski tal gayi, mere palle pad gayi!!

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Munda:
Tujh vich rab dikhta hai..
yaara main ki karaa..
Sajde sir jhukta hai…
yaara main ki kara…

Kudi:
Mattha tek, aur daffa ho jaaa

:[D :[P

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Jab Ekta Kapoor paida hui
To Doctor ghar walo se bola :
Badhai ho,
Kaun hua janne ke liye dekhiye..
Agla Episode!

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Husband and wife had an heated argument on karva chauth day.

Husband came up with killer reply –

“Dimaag khane se bhi vrat tut jata hai !!!!!

—– Wife becharrrii chup!! ——–

Birbal Turns the Tables

Emperor Akbar was narrating a dream. The dream began with Akbar and Birbal walking towards each other on a moonless night. It was so dark that they could not see each other - and they collided, and fell. "Fortunately for me," said the Emperor. "I fell into a pool of payasam. But guess what Birbal fell into?" "What, your Majesty?" asked the courtiers. "A gutter!" The court resounded with laughter. The emperor was thrilled that for once he had been able to score over Birbal. But Birbal was unperturbed. "Your Majesty," he said when the laughter had died down. "Strangely, I too had the same dream. But unlike you I slept on till the end. When you climbed out of that pool of delicious payasam and I, out of that stinking gutter we found that there was no water with which to clean ourselves and so guess what we did? "What?" asked the emperor, warily. "We licked each other clean!" The emperor became red with embarrassment and resolved never to try to get the better of Birbal again.

Just One Question

One Day a scholar came to the court of Emperor Akbar and challenged Birbal to answer his questions and thus prove that he was as clever as people said he was. He asked Birbal: "Would you prefer to answer a hundred easy questions or just a single difficult one?" Both the emperor and Birbal had had a difficult day and were impatient to leave. "Ask me one difficult question," sad Birbal. "Well, then, tell me," said the man, "which came first into the world, the chicken or the egg?" "The chicken," replied Birbal. "How do you know?" asked the scholar, a note of triumph in his voice. "We had agreed you would ask only one question and you have already asked it" said Birbal and he and the emperor walked away leaving the scholar gaping.

Funny Santa Jokes

Santa 'suicide' nhi
krne ka
speech de
rha tha.

Santa-
"Suicide nhi
krna chahiye.
Suicide darpok, busdhil,
kaayar log
krte hai...
Suicide krne
se toh acha
hai ki aap
zeher kha lo..." 

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Santa Ke 7 Bachhe The Aur Unme se Ek Alag Hi Dikhta Tha

Usko Apni Biwi Pe Shak Hone Laga Tha Ki Wo Alag Dikhne Wala Bachcha Kisi Aur Ka Hai.

Par Santa Mein Biwi Se Ye Baat Puchne Ki Himmat Nahi Hoti Thi.

Isi Soch Soch Mein Vo Beemar Ho Gaya.

Jab Uska Akhri Waqt Najdik Aya Aur Vo Akhri Saanse Le Raha Tha To Apni Biwi Ko Bulaya

Santa : Dekho Tumhe Meri Kasam Hai,
Sach Sach Batana Ki Ye Alag Sa Dikhne Wala Bacha Kiska Hai ?

Wife : Ji Ab Aap Mar Rahe Ho Aur Marte Hue Aadmi Se Juth Nahi Bola Jata,

Main Aapko Sach Batana Chahti Hun...

Santa Dukhi Mann Se : Kya ?

Wife : Wo Sabse Alag Dikhne Wala Hi Sirf Aapka Bachha Hai...

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Santa ne bank loan pe 1 car li,
Loan nahi chuka paya to bank wale car utha kar legaye,
Udas santa-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
pehle pata hota to shadi bhi loan leke karta.

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Santa : Kal Raat Toilet main gaya toh wahan bhoot tha
.
.
.
Banta : "Acha !!!!! Fir Kya hua "
.
.
.
.
.
Santa : Hona Kya tha maine usse Bol diya "Bhai aap hi kar lo Humara toh waise hi nikal Gaya"

............................................................

Santa:
Tum bike itni tez q chla rhe ho?

Banta:
Ye letter urgent dena hai

Santa:
Kaha?

Banta:
Address padhne ka time nai hai.

Santa:
Ok go fast.!

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Santa K Dono Kaan Jal Gaye

Doctor : Tumharey Kaan Kese jaly ?

Santa : Main Qameez Istari Kar Raha tha ke Phone Aa Gaya.

Main ne Jaldi main Phone ki Jagah Istari Kaan ko Laga Li..!

Doctor : To Doosra Kaan Kese Jala ?
.
.
.
.
Santa : Ab Ambulance ko Bhi Phone Karna Tha Na..

Funny Jokes

Santa -Jab bhi wife mera photo apne mbl se click karti hai mujhe bahut dar lagta hai........
Saala aaj kal OLX aur quikr ki advertise bahut aati hai na 

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Santa roti ka 1 tukda khud kha raha tha aur 1 pass baithi murgi ko khila raha tha...

Banta: "Ye kya kar raha hai?"

Santa- "Chicken ke sath roti kha raha hu.

Shravan chal rahe hain na...  

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Santa USA mein tha.
1 building mein aag lag gayi.
°
°
Santa Fire Brigade se-Tum logo
ko Niche fenko main Catch karunga.
°
°
Pehle 1 Ladka aaya phir ladki phir
aadmi phir aurat.
Santa ne sab ko pakad liya.
Phir
°
°
°
°
°
1 negro(black person) aaya to
Santa ne chhod diya aur
°
°
°
°
°
°
°
°
bola:
Abey salo jo jal gye hai wo to mat
fenko…!!

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Ek Baar Santa Ke Gaanv Mein Ek Minister Aya Hua Thha
Logo Ne Apne Gaanv Ko Sudhaarne Ke Liye Kayi Cheezo Ko Maang Ki
Santa Bhi Bola: “Hume Apne Gaanv Mein Pul Chahiye”
Minister Hairan Hote Hue: “Par Tumhare Gaanv Mein To Koi Nadi Hi Nahi Hai”
Santa: “To Fir Hume Nadi Bhi Chahiye“ 

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Santa Ne Ghar Ke Uper Wale Hisse Mein Paint Kiya Aur Neeche Wale Hisse Mein Likh Diya
.
.
.
.
“Same As Above 

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa:
Doctor, Main subah 9 bajje uthta hoon to mujhe saans lene mein takleef hoti hai…

Doctor:
Beta.. jaldi utha karo…
Kyunki saari Oxygen to baba Ramdev aur unke chele kheench lete hain… takleef to aayegi hi na!!

:[D :[P

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Judge: Tumne iske paise kyun churaye?

Banta:
Maine paise nahin churaye
Isne khud hi diye the

Judge: Isne paise kab diye?

Banta: Jab maine ise bandook dikhayi!

..................................................................................................

Santa ke hath mein naya phone dekhkar Banta bola:
Naya phone kab khareeda?

Santa: Naya nahin, Girlfriend ka hai!

Banta: Girlfriend ka phone kyun le aaya?

Santa:
Roj kehti thi, Mera phone nahin uthaate..!
Aaj mauka mila, to utha laaya!! 

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A Chinese man’s wife dies 1 year after marriage… 

Santa Sardar tries to console Chinese but doesn’t know what to say..!!

Sardar : Hota hai yaar. Chinese thi, aur kitna chalti…  :-:P

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John, walked into a bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a Sardarji at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The Sardarji looked at John and said, “Do you think he will jump ?”…

John said, “You know, I bet he will jump.”

The Sardarji replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

John placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on !”

..................................................................................................

Santa calls an ambulance because his mate Banta had been hit by a car…

Santa: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he’s bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.

Operator: ‘What is your location sir?’

Santa: ‘Outside 28 Connaught Place…

Operator: ‘How do you spell that sir?’

Silence…. (heavy breathing) and after a minute…

Operator: ‘Are you there sir?’

More heavy breathing and another minute later.

Operator: ‘Sir, can you hear me?’ This goes on for another few minutes until….

Operator: ‘Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?’

Santa: ‘Yes, sorry about that… I couldn’t spell Connaught place, so I just dragged him round to Minto road ….tussi Minto Road de spelling note karo.!!