Latest Jokes
Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:
"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!
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Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D"
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.
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Man to miser: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them outside?
Miser: I want to extend the battery life and hence I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time.
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A Foreigner had a very spicy Indian dinner Next morning he came out of the toilet & said...now I understand why Indians use water this bloody tissue paper can catch fire!!
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Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in bed.
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The Smallest Leave Application By A KG Boy:
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.
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Dear Sir,
Main Aaj Nai Aaunga! :'(
Nai Aaunga :'(
Nai Aaunga :'( Thank U...bas nhi aaunga.
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, hesaw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
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Bahu: Maaji, yeh abhi tak nahi aaye, kahi koi ladki ka chakkar toh nahi hai unke ?
Maaji: Are kalmuhi tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai, Ho sakta hai ke kisi truck ke niche aa gaya ho!
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Q1. Prasad ask’s Kumble to bring a pepsi… Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?why ??
Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener
Q2. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie ‘heart is umbrella’. Which movie did he really want to see?
Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!
Q3. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
Q4. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho……………
Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Q5. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Ans:- adidas
Q6. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ?
Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot’s of head scratching done.
Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
Q7. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??
Ans:- D’Cold chain ki saans – D’cold
Q8. chalo ab batao… Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite simple..
Ans:- D’Cold again kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi
Q9. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada – kyon?? think harder…
Ans:-Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha,ha…
Q10. kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???
Ans :- Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!
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Larki mehnati hoti hai
Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon se zyada mehnati hoti hai
Aapko pata hai kaise??
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Nahi pata
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Main bata deta hoon aapko
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Kyun ki
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-
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100 mein se 10
Larkia’n naturally
khoobsurat hoti hai
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Aur baki
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-
Apni Mehnat se…
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Ek bar ek chitti ne Hathani ke kan mein kuch kaha toh hathni behos ho gayi.
Phir kisine chitti se pucha ke tune kya kaha?
Chitti Boli: Maine itna hi kaha ke “Main tumhare bacche ki maa banne wali hoon!”
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Delhi se Mughalsarai jaanewali ek train mein kuch budhyijibi type ke log sawar thy..
Woh log jor jorse antarrashtriya stor ke batien kar rahe thhe.
Upar ke birth par so rahe ek brahmin ko bahut pareshani ho rahi thhi.
Batien karte karte ek sajjan bole, “pahle punjibaad aya, fir samyabaad aur aab samajbaad ayega.”
Tabhi upar se woh vyakti chillaya, “bhaisaab jab Ilahabaad aye to mujhe thora jaga dena!!!”
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Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?
Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.
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Wife: Why are you waiting here?
Husband: Sher ka shikar karne ja raha hoon mere darling!
Wife: Toh jao naa khade kyu ho!
Husband: Kaise jaau.. Bahar kutta jo khada hai!
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Bania’s son: Daddy meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.
Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.
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Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun
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Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
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Ek sahebji ghabraye hue aaye aur biwi se bole: “Begam, aaj main office se aa raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…!”
Itne mein unki bachhi bol uthi: “Mummy, Shyam ne meri gudiya tod di hai.” Pati ne phir kehna shuru kiya “Haan toh begam, main keh raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…..!”
Itne mein unka ladka bola: “Mummy, Rita ne meri car tod di hai.”
Biwi ghusse mein aakar boli: “Bhagwan ke liye tum sab chup ho jao, mujhe pehle gadhe ki baat sun lene do..!”
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Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai. 10% interest ke hisab se woh 1 saal baad loan vapis karte hai. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania’s son: Kuch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Banis’s son: Main toh maths janta hoon, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.
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Teacher to a student: “Ess line ki english banao- Usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gaya.”
Student – He done his work and done-dana-dan done-dana-dan.
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Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!
Wife: Woh kya?
Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!
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Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana. Kal
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.
Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:
"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D"
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man to miser: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them outside?
Miser: I want to extend the battery life and hence I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Foreigner had a very spicy Indian dinner Next morning he came out of the toilet & said...now I understand why Indians use water this bloody tissue paper can catch fire!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in bed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Smallest Leave Application By A KG Boy:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dear Sir,
Main Aaj Nai Aaunga! :'(
Nai Aaunga :'(
Nai Aaunga :'( Thank U...bas nhi aaunga.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, hesaw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bahu: Maaji, yeh abhi tak nahi aaye, kahi koi ladki ka chakkar toh nahi hai unke ?
Maaji: Are kalmuhi tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai, Ho sakta hai ke kisi truck ke niche aa gaya ho!
Q1. Prasad ask’s Kumble to bring a pepsi… Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?why ??
Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener
Q2. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie ‘heart is umbrella’. Which movie did he really want to see?
Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!
Q3. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
Q4. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho……………
Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Q5. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Ans:- adidas
Q6. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ?
Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot’s of head scratching done.
Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
Q7. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??
Ans:- D’Cold chain ki saans – D’cold
Q8. chalo ab batao… Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite simple..
Ans:- D’Cold again kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi
Q9. Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada – kyon?? think harder…
Ans:-Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha,ha…
Q10. kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???
Ans :- Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Larki mehnati hoti hai
Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon se zyada mehnati hoti hai
Aapko pata hai kaise??
-
-
-
-
-
Nahi pata
-
-
-
-
Main bata deta hoon aapko
-
-
-
-
Kyun ki
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
100 mein se 10
Larkia’n naturally
khoobsurat hoti hai
-
-
-
-
Aur baki
-
-
-
-
Apni Mehnat se…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ek bar ek chitti ne Hathani ke kan mein kuch kaha toh hathni behos ho gayi.
Phir kisine chitti se pucha ke tune kya kaha?
Chitti Boli: Maine itna hi kaha ke “Main tumhare bacche ki maa banne wali hoon!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Delhi se Mughalsarai jaanewali ek train mein kuch budhyijibi type ke log sawar thy..
Woh log jor jorse antarrashtriya stor ke batien kar rahe thhe.
Upar ke birth par so rahe ek brahmin ko bahut pareshani ho rahi thhi.
Batien karte karte ek sajjan bole, “pahle punjibaad aya, fir samyabaad aur aab samajbaad ayega.”
Tabhi upar se woh vyakti chillaya, “bhaisaab jab Ilahabaad aye to mujhe thora jaga dena!!!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?
Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Why are you waiting here?
Husband: Sher ka shikar karne ja raha hoon mere darling!
Wife: Toh jao naa khade kyu ho!
Husband: Kaise jaau.. Bahar kutta jo khada hai!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bania’s son: Daddy meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.
Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks, kya hai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ek sahebji ghabraye hue aaye aur biwi se bole: “Begam, aaj main office se aa raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…!”
Itne mein unki bachhi bol uthi: “Mummy, Shyam ne meri gudiya tod di hai.” Pati ne phir kehna shuru kiya “Haan toh begam, main keh raha tha ki raste mein ek gadha…..!”
Itne mein unka ladka bola: “Mummy, Rita ne meri car tod di hai.”
Biwi ghusse mein aakar boli: “Bhagwan ke liye tum sab chup ho jao, mujhe pehle gadhe ki baat sun lene do..!”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai. 10% interest ke hisab se woh 1 saal baad loan vapis karte hai. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania’s son: Kuch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Banis’s son: Main toh maths janta hoon, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher to a student: “Ess line ki english banao- Usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gaya.”
Student – He done his work and done-dana-dan done-dana-dan.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!
Wife: Woh kya?
Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana. Kal
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.
Really nice:)
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