English Jokes

Q: Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window? A: He wanted to see time fly. 
Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party? A: Because you can't drink and derive..
Q: What do you say when you are comforting a grammar nazi? A: There, Their, They're
Q: What's another name for Santa's elves? A: Subordinate Clauses. 
Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school? A: Because he/she was going to high school! 
Q: What is Grammar? A: The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit. 
Q: What three candies can you find in every school? A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties. 
Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation? A: Expla-nation. 
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the school dance? A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY) 
Q: Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel? A: Because it had more cents. 
Q: What's the difference between a dead prostitute and school? A: School still sucks! 
Q: What happened to the plant in math class? A: It grew square roots. 
Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? A: LMAYO 
Q: What is a proof? A: One-half percent of alcohol. 
Q: Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip? A: To get to the same side. 
Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? A: Because she couldn't control her pupils? 
Q: Why couldn't the moebius strip enroll at the school? A: They required an orientation. 
Q: How did the geography student drown? A: His grades were below C-level 
Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation? A: He works it out with a pencil. 
Q: Why is a math book always unhappy? A: Because it always has lots of problems. 
Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!
Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7 8 9