Best Sardar Jokes

Techr: Tum late kyo aaye ho?
Santa: Mumy papa lad rhe the..
Techr: wo lad rhe the to tum kyo late aaye?
santa=mera 1 juta maumy k pass or Dusra papa k paas tha!..
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Smartst thing sardar ever did,

He changed all his passwords to 'Incorrect'
so whnever he forgets,the computer will remind him,
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Your password is 'Incorrect'
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Ek sardar ki NANO kharab ho gi-Bonet khola to shocked-engine hi nahi.

Dusra sardar apni NANO lekar aya or bola:koi gal nahi meri dikki me extra pada h tu le le..
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1st time joke about sardarni..

All ATMs in punjab are jammed & not working.
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Bcoz,
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All sardarnies put their hair pin in machine,when asked,"ENTERPIN"
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Sindhi logo ko football aur hockey kyu nahi khilate..?
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socho..
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.kyuki corner milte hi ye dukan khol lete hain..??

नयें चुटकुले

एक आदमी ने एक वकील के ऑफिस में फ़ोन किया और वकील का नाम लेकर कहा कि मैं अपने वकील से बात करना चाहता हूँ।

रिसेप्शन वाले ने कहा, "जी माफ़ कीजिये, पिछले हफ्ते ही उनका देहांत हो गया।"

अगले दिन फिर से उस आदमी ने उसी तरह पूछा, "जी, क्या मैं अपने वकील के साथ बात कर सकता हूँ?"

रिसेप्शन वाले ने फिर से वही बात कही कि माफ़ कीजिये उनका पिछले हफ्ते देहांत हो गया।

अगले दिन फिर से उस आदमी ने फोन किया, "क्या मैं अपने वकील से बात कर सकता हूँ?"

रिसेप्शन वाले ने उस दिन दुखी होकर उसे पूछ ही लिया, "सर आज ये आपका तीसरा दिन है, लगातार मैं आपको बता रहा हूँ कि आपके वकील मर चुके हैं। आप फिर भी बार-बार फोन करके क्यों पूछ रहे हैं?"

उस आदमी ने बड़ी सहजता से जवाब दिया, "क्योंकि यह सुनकर मुझे बहुत ख़ुशी मिलती है कि अब मेरे पैसे बच जायेंगे।"
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एक मंत्री जी भाषण दे रहे थे उसमें उन्होंने एक कहानी सुनाई: 

एक व्यक्ति के तीन बेटे थे, उसने तीनों को 100-100 रूपए दिए और ऐसी वस्तु लाने को कहा जिससे कमरा पूरी तरह भर जाये।

पहला पुत्र 100 रूपए की घास लाया पर उससे पूरी तरह कमरा नही भरा।

दूसरा पुत्र 100 रूपए का कपास लाया उससे भी कमरा पूरी तरह नही भरा।

तीसरा पुत्र 1 रूपए की मोमबती लाया और उससे पूरा कमरा प्रकाशित हो गया।

आगे उस मंत्री ने कहा हमारे प्रधानमंत्री उस तीसरे पुत्र की तरह है, जिस दिन से राजनीति में आये है उसी दिन से हमारा देश उज्जवल प्रकाश और समृद्धि से जगमगा रहा है।

तभी पीछे से किसी आदमी की आवाज आई वो सब तो ठीक है बाकी के 99 रूपए कहाँ है?
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दारू एकम दारू - महफिल हुइ चालू

दारू दुनी गिलास - मजा आयेगा खास

दारू तिया वाईन - टेस्ट एकदम फाईन

दारू चौके बियर - डालो नेक्स्ट गियर

दारू पंजे रम - भूल जाओ गम

दारू छक्के ब्रांडी - खाओ चिकन हाँडी

दारू सत्ते व्हिस्की - काॅकटेल है रिस्की

दारू अठ्ठे बेवडा - लाओ सेव चिवडा

दारू नम्मे खंबा - ज्यादा हो गइ, थांबा

दारू दहाम चस्का - नेक्स्ट पार्टी किसका?
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एक औरत सड़क पर गोद में अपने बच्चे को लेकर रोये जा रही थी, तभी वहाँ से संता गुज़र रहा था। संता ने उसके रोने का कारण पूछा।

औरत बोली, "बच्चा बहुत बीमार है और दवा के लिए पैसे नहीं हैं।"

संता ने जेब से 1000 का नोट दिया और कहा कि जाओ जाकर दवाई ले आओ और बच्चे के लिए कुछ खाना और दूध भी ले लेना, बाकी जो बचे मुझे लाकर लौटा देना मैं यहीं खडा हूँ।

थोड़ी देर बाद औरत आई और 800 रूपये लौटाती हुई बोली कि 100 रुपये डाक्टर ने लिए, 60 रुपये का खाना और 40 रुपये का दूध आया है।

संता बहुत खुश हुआ और सोचने लगा कि 'नेकी कभी बेकार नहीं जाती। डाक्टर को फीस भी मिल गई, बच्चे को दवा, दूध और खाना भी मिल गया।
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और मेरा नकली नोट भी चल गया।

Best Jokes

बीवी शौहर से लड़ रही थी। शौहर ने तंग आकर अपनी सास को मैसेज किया,
"आप की प्रॉडक्ट मेरे मुताबिक नहीं है और मैं इसे लौटा कर आप से एक्सचेंज की डिमांड करता हूँ।"

थोड़ी देर बाद सास का जवाब आया,
"वारंटी खत्म हो चुकी है, रिफंड या एक्सचेंज की ऐसी कोई पॉलिसी नहीं है। प्रॉडक्ट की परफॉरमेंस बेहतर करने के लिए बालों से पकड़ कर दिन में दो दफा धुलाई करें। अब वैसे भी कंपनी ने नया प्रॉडक्ट बनाना बंद कर दिया है।"
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पति एक घरेलू प्राणी है , यह सभी घरों में अनिवार्य रूप से पाया जाता है।

इस घरेलू प्राणी को पालने का पूरा अधिकार पत्नी पद से सम्मानित महिला को प्राप्त होता है।

1. इसकी दो आंखे होती है जिससे यह मूक रहकर मात्र देखता है।

2. इसके दो कान होते है जिससे पत्नी कि डांट फटकार सुनता है।

3. इसका एक मुख होता है जिसके खुलने पर पूर्णतः पाबंदी होती है।

4. इसकी इकलौती कटी नाक में अदृश्य नकेल होती है।

5. यह काफी कुछ मनुष्य से मिलता जुलता प्राणी होता है।

6. वैसे पति होने से पूर्व यह मनुष्य कि श्रेणी में होता है। पति के प्रकार:

जोरू का गुलाम: यह प्रजाति हमारे देश में बहुतायत रूप से पायी जाती है। इस प्रजाति के पति टिकाऊ, मेहनती, सीधे व वफादार होते है। यह उम्दा नस्ल के होते है। डांट, मार, गालियाँ इन पर प्रभावहीन होती हैं। पालने के लिए यह पति सबसे अच्छे होते हैं।

जोरू का बादशाह: यह प्रजाति धीरे धीरे लुप्त होती जा रही है। इसलिए सरकार जल्द ही इनके संरक्षण के लिए "बादशाह पति संरक्षण" नामक अभियान चलाने जा रही है।
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रविवार के दिन पति देव थोड़ी देरी से उठे और उठते ही बोले, "आज तो बड़ी गर्मी है, ठन्डे-ठन्डे पानी से नहाया जाये"... (सीटी बजाते हुए बाथरूम में घुस गए)

नहाने के बाद पति: अरे सुनो ज़रा तौलिया देना।

पत्नी (चिल्लाते हुए): तुम्हारा हमेशा का ही यह काम है, बिना तौलिये के नहाने जाते हो। अब मैं नाश्ता बनाऊँ या तुम्हें तौलिया दूँ। चड्डी बनियान भी धो के नल पे टांग देते हो उसे भी मुझे ही उठाना पड़ता है। आज तक नहाने के बाद कभी वाइपर भी नहीं लगाया। फिर दूसरे चड्डी बनियान के लिए भी मुझे बुलाओगे।

कल तो बाल्टी भी खली छोड़ दी थी तुमने। फिर जब बाहर निकलोगे तो पूरे घर में गीले पैरों के निशान बना दोगे। फिर उस पर मिटटी पड़ेगी तो सब जगह गन्दी हो जाएगी। एक बार नौकरानी उसपे फिसल गयी थी फिर 3 दिन तक नहीं आई थी। पता है मेरा क्या हाल हुआ था काम कर कर के।

पति (मन में सोचते हुए ): साला नहा कर गलती कर दी।
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एक दिन एक मरीज़ बहुत जल्दी में एक डॉक्टर के पास आया।

मरीज: डॉक्टर साहब, जल्दी कुछ करो, मेरे पैरों पर एक औरत ने गाड़ी चढा दी।

डॉक्टर ने अच्छे से सब कुछ चेक किया और पाया कि मामूली चोट है पर मरीज बहुत घबराया हुआ है।

डॉक्टर: ओ हो, भाई अॉपरेशन करना पडेगा, बहुत खर्चा आयेगा तैयार हो?

मरीज: कुछ भी करो जल्दी करो। कमीनी ने मरा सोच कर उठाया भी नही।

इतने में ही डॉक्टर की पत्नी का फोन आया।

डॉक्टर: हैलो।

पत्नी: हैलो छोड़ो, ये बताओ मैं क्या करूं? मुझसे कार चलाते वक़्त एक आदमी मर गया, जै हिंद चौक पर।

डॉक्टर थोड़ी देर खामोश रहा फिर उसने पूछा, "आदमी ने कपड़े कैसे पहन रखे थे?"

पत्नी: हरी टी शर्ट और काली पैंट।

डॉक्टर: ओ तो उसे तुमने मारा है। पुलिस खूनी को तलाश करती हुई घूम रही है।

पत्नी(घबराते हुए): हे भगवान, तो अब मैं क्या करूं?

डॉक्टर: करना क्या है, 4-6 महीने के लिए मायके भाग जा जल्दी।

पत्नी: ठीक है मैं अभी जा रही हूँ।

मरीज: डॉ साहब करो ना कुछ।

डॉक्टर: अरे भाई कोई गोली नही लग गई तुम्हें, ये ले रूपये और चार बियर ले आ, दोनो पियेंगे, और हाँ ये हरी टी शर्ट निकाल के जा।

Fuuny Jokes

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
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Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

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Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.

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The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Doctor Jokes (english)

Patient:Doctor,I feel so sick I want to die!
Doctor: Don't worry, Just leave that job to me.

Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish!

A dentist’s patient was grumbling about the fee. “Two hundred rupees for pulling out a tooth!,” she exclaimed. “And it’s only a minute’s work.”
“Well, if you wish,” the dentist said, “I’ll it out slowly.”

Customer: When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesn’t go near them!
Shopkeeper: Well, isn’t that good for mice?

Patient: “How can I ever repay you for your kindness to me?”
Doctor: “By cheaque, money order, or cash.”

Lady to the doctor over the phone. “ Doctor, I beg of you, please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present, and I can’t get into it. “
Doctor:” Just come over here tomorrow, and I shall give you a prescription. Then you will soon be able to wear your wonderful new dress.”
Lady: “ Who said anything about a dress? I am talking of car.”

Man: "Doctor, Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!"
Doctor: "Why?"
Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it."

A man visited a headmaster who was playing chess with his dog. "Your dog must be must be very intelligent," said the man.
"Not really," said the headmaster. "I've won three games out of four."

Assistant: Doctor the invisible man has come for his check up.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.

"Doctor I keep stealing things. What can I do?"
"Try to resist the temptation but if you can't, get me a new television"

PATIENT:-DOCTOR I AM FEELING SEVER ITCHING,GIVE ME A MEDICINE PLEASE.
DOCTOR:-TAKE THIS SLIP TO THE MEDICAL SHOP
PATIENT:-IF I USE THIS MEDICINE,I CAN SOLVE THIS ITCHING.
DOCTOR:-I GAVE THIS FOR GROWING YOUR NAILS FOR SCRATCHING.

Patient:Why does everyone ignore me?
Doctor:Next Please!!!!!!

Patient:"I want to live doctor when should I take the medicine".
Doctor:"So remember to take the medicine exactly before you feel the pain".

One day a man saw a beggar on the street. He went to him and said "If you stop begging I will pay you Rs 1000 per month".
In reply the bigger said "Come and beg with me and I will pay you Rs5000 per month

A boy to the doctor,"Doctor, Doctor I have lost my memory."
"When did this happen?" asked the doctor.
The boy said,"When did what happen?"

Patient:Doctor!Doctor!One of my eyes is different from the other!
Doctor:Really,which one

Docter: what is your problem?
Patient: I have only one Problem in my life, that is ,when I walk my legs are not joined ,it is always one forwards and one backwards.

Man : Doctor, whenever I drink my coffee,I get a sharp pain in my eye.What should I do?
Doctor : Just remove the spoon from your cup.

Man in Delhi:I have a severe foot ache.
Doctor after examining says-"You should walk for 4 km everyday".
After a month the doctor receives a call from the same patient saying,"I am now in Agra, how much more should I walk?"

Patient: Doctor, i see double
Doctor:sit on the chair please
Patient:which one

patient:doctor,i've lost my memory. doctor:when did this happen?
patient:when did what happen?

Did you hear about the man who ate 106 cloves of garlic a day?
He was taken to hospital in a coma. Poor thing, the doctor said it was from inhaling his own breath!!!

PATIENT:Doctor,Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me.
DOCTOR :Next please.

Doctor:tell me how many fingers are these?
Patient:thirteen.
Doctor :I don't understand your eyes are weak or your arithmetic?

once,before an operation of a patient the doctor was holding a garland in his hands.
Patient:Doctor why are you holding a garland in your hand? Doctor:If the operation is successful, i will wear it to myself or a failure i wear it for you

Once a patient went to the Doctor and said,"my hair is falling .Can u give me anything to keep it in?"
So,then the doctor said, yes u can have a poly thin bag.

What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills.

Patient : "Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?"
Doctor : "Yes, here is a paper bag !"

Nurse: "Wake up man"
Patient: "Why what's the matter"
Nurse: "Nothing, I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills".

Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness?
How about a few pounds of pig manure?
Will that cure my baldness?
No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald.

Once a patient went to the Doctor and said,"my hair is falling .Can u give me anything to keep it in?"
So,then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag.

Patient : "Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?"
Doctor : "Yes, here is a paper bag !"

Nurse: "Wake up man"
Patient: "Why what's the matter"
Nurse: "Nothing, I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills".

Son- Daddy why do you wear a mask in operation theater.
Father- Well son , I need to make sure no one identifies me if something goes wrong.
A man to a doctor.

Man:Doctor!!I have started seeing double.
Doctor:Please take a seat.(doctor replied)
Man:Which one??????

Lady over the phone:Doctor,what can I do?My little boy has swallowed my pen?
Doctor:Use a pencil till I come.

Once a patient went to a doctor with a burnt ear.
Doctor: What happened!
Patient: I will not tell u, you'll laugh.
Doctor: If you will not tell me, how will I give u medicine?
Patient- ok!I was pressing clothes. Once the phone ring I picked the press up and said to the press. hello!!

once a patient comes and says that Doctor i cant say clearly whatever i say,i say opposite. than the Doctor said ok speak nigt was dark the dogs were barking stars were twinkling. then the boy said the stars were barking the dogs were dark and the night were twinkling.the Doctor said oh no

one time one mans wife drinks petrol & then started running hear & there,so his husband went running to doctor & said dr my wife has drink petrol & has startted running hear & theare so dr says that dont worry when the petrol will be empty she will stop running.

Once a patient went to a dentist he charged the patient Rs5 after he took out the tooth he charged Rs25 when the patient asked the doctor the reason he said because of your scream the othe 4 patients ran away

once a man went to a dentist. dentist checks his teeth and says dentist:there is a good news and a bad news man:what is the good news dentist:the good news is that your teeth are perfect . man:what is the bad news? dentist:the bad news is that your teeth are so bad that i have to remove all your teeth

John:"When my fingers heal,will I be able to play the piano"?
Doctor:"Of course". John:"Great! I never could before!"

How do you define a hospital?
A hospital is a place where the nurses wake you up to give you sleeping pills

Hindi Shayari

Your name is in my heart…
jawaab teri shayari ka….
denge hum shayari mein….
naam tera likh baithe hain….
apne dil ki diary mein….


Hindi Break Up SMS
Kahin Mile To Usey Ye Kehna.
Faseel-e-Nafrat Gira Rahi Hon.
Gaye Dinon ko Bhula Rhi Hon.
Wo Apne Waadon se Phir Raha Hai.
Main Apne Waade Nibha Rhi Hon.
Kahin Mile To Use Ye Kehna.
Na DilMain koi Malal Rakhe.
Hamesha Apna Khayal Rakhe.
Wo Apne Sare Gum mujhko De De.
Tamam Khushian Sambhal Rakhe…


Birthday Hindi SMS
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY”
To You
Shocked ?
Actually Aaj Ke Din
Jabir Bin Hayan
Ne ‘LOTA’ Ejaad kia Tha
To Maine Socha Har
‘LOTAY’
Ko Wish Kar Doon.;-


Funny Hindi Anniversary Sms
Aaj Titanic ki 125th anniversary hai
So sab pyar karne walo se request hai ke
Titanic ki yaad ko taza karte hue
Apne Mobile ko 2 minutes tak pani mein rakh dein..!


Wada kero per nibhana sikho…
Wada kero per nibhana sikho
Chahat dil mein rakho per jitna sikho
U hi kisi ko intizar na karvao
Koi ager pyar se SMS kare to jawab dena sikho…



Pyaar kar rahe hain…
Mujhe achhe lagne lage, dil ke sachhe lagne lage tum
door se hee, apne se lagne lage tum

tumhare hasne ka andaaz, baat karne ki adaa
kar chuki hai mujhe tumpar fida

Mix jokes

Biwi ko padhaunga
Santa : pehle me apni biwi ko BA karwaunga fir MA fir Phd karwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga.
Banta : fir acha sa rishta dekh k uski shaadi bhi krwa diyo.
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Cigarette
santa apne father k samne cigrate pi raha tha
Logon ne kaha ke aap apne father ke samne cigratte pi rahay ho?
Santa bola : Wo mera father hai, koi petrol pump thodi.
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Imagine
Interviewer : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
Santa : Simple, Stop imagining.
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Santa fell out
Q: Why did Santa fall out the window ?
A: He was ironing the curtain
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Brake fail
Santa Ki Biwi : O ji Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?
Santa : Are Banoo Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, To accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.
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Banta fell in love
Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her. He got an opportunity to watch one of her movie.... the Movie came to an End.
A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw, Banta told himself, "Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."
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Fighting
santa banta were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
santa: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
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The Plane Ride
Santa traveling 1st time in plane going to BOMBAY,
while landing, he shouted : "BOMBAY-BOMBAY",
air hostess : " B-silent please ",
santa said : " OMBAY - OMBAY.....!!!!!!!! "
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Santa's Underwear
Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
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Nishana
Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya ..?
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Matlab
Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
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Speed Breaker
Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.
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Phone Ki Ganti
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke...
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!
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Awaaz
Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.
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Lucky
Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon...Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.
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Dost Hi Dost Ke Kam aata hai
Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.
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I Love You
Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Love U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'
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Kauwa Toh
A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya ..!
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fight
Santa : When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!
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Drink quickly
Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly..... .
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10

Mazedar Hindi Jokes

Sher Ka Puttar
Ek Srdar apne Bete se bola oye ghabra

mat Tu sher ka puttar hai.
Beta: oye papaji, acha hua bata diya

techer bhi ye hi puchti he ki Tu kis janwar

ki aulad hai.?

Doctor Ki Likhai
Doctor Parche pe aisa kya likhta hai jo

kewal Medical Store waale hi samajh paate

hai..
Wo likhte hai:---
"Maine to Loot Liya tu bhi Loot le...!"

Batao na.!!
Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya acha lagta hai

meri samajhdari ya meri beauty..
Husband: Mujhe to ye tumhari Majak karne

ki aadat bahut achi lagti hai..


Kya hai?
ek bar American, Pakistani,
Or Chinese Chand Per Gaye.
tino ne Neche Dekha To Zameen Per ek

Lambi Line Nazar aee.
American : Ye NASA Ki Building Hai.
Chinese: Nhi Ye Cheen Ki Deewar Hai.
Pakistani: Na, Na, Na, Yeh To Na Building

Hai Or Na Deewar, YeTo Utility Store K

Bahr cheni leny Walon Ki Line Hai..!


Aur Bhi Hai..
Sardar :- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I

AM GOING"?
Friend :- Main jaa raha hun.
Sardar :- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur

bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke

jaa..


Nahi Aata
Ek Sardar ne ek bachy se pucha k tum ko

a,b,c Aaty hai to bachy ne keha k mujy 9

tak aty hia..
Sardar ne bachy se keha k oyee Ullu k

pathy a,b,c main  9 nahi aata.


Fir Bhi!!
Sardar Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko

Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala
Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi
Kyun...
Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The.


Jor Se Bolo
Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di!


Gita pe haath Kabhi Nahi
vakil Lalu se :  "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho

ke...... "
Lalu : "Yeh kya laga rakha hai, Sita ko

haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir

Gita pe hat rakhunga to sasura aap use bhi

bulwa lenge...!''.


3 Din
Maalik Makaan : Mein tumko kiraya dene

ke liye aur 3 din ki mohlat deta hun.
Santa : Theek hai ji, mein Diwali Holi aur

Chrismas ke 3 din select karta hoon.


Main Mera..
Bachha  (phone par): Madam, mera beta

aaj school nahi aaygea?
Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho Ji?
Bachha : Main Mera papa bol rahe hoon.


Palan Poshan
Ek 10 saal ka Bachha bohot dhyan se ek

book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: "Bachhon

ka paalan poshan kaise kare".
Mother : yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Bachha : Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke

mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha

hai ya nahi.


Use Bande Ki Jeb Mai Thi
Santa: Tuhari car ka tyre puncture kaise

hua?
Driver Banta: Ik daaru ki bottle iske neeche

aa gayi thi.
Santa: Tumhe bottle nazar nahi aayi?
Driver Banta: Bottle uss bande ki jeb me thi

jo meri car ke neeche aaya tha.


Love
Boyfriend apni girlfriend ko I love you kehta

hai aur geer jata hai.
Girlfriend :- Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Funny Boyfriend :- I'm falling in love.


Hole in the Umbrella
Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha
kisine pucha,umbrella me hole kyu?
2nd sardar: agar koi bomb raste me phat

gia to?
Sardar bola,Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata

kaise chalega


Fasi Ki Khushi se
Police:Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phasi di

jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Sardar(Khusi se) : Main to uthta hi subha 9

baje hon!

Pathan Jokes

Yaar
Pathan: Mera yaar aaya hai chai to bana do.
Wife:
Mein nahi bana rahi.
Pathan
Bana de jab tera yaar aaye ga to mein b bana doonga.


Pathan Ka Challange
Pathan ny challange kiya k
Woh minar-e-pakistan ko apne sar par utha kar peshawar ja sakta hai.
Hazaron log ikthay ho gaye...
Pathan bola: bus isey utha kar mere sar par rakho tum...!!


Khwab
Pathan ne oxford universty mein 1st Rank Me Aaya. News channel walu ne pucha..
Ab Aaghe Kya Karoge ?
Pathan : bachpan se ek khwab Dekha Hai apna tandoor Center kholu ga...


Pathan or Gadhe me 3 Batien Common hain
1) Bachpan me Dono bhi Khubsurat The.
2) Bachpan se hi Mehnati hote hn
3) Bare ho kr Dono Transport ka Kaam kerte hai.


To Main Batata..
Ek Kutta pathan k piche laggaya
Pathan Gussey me Bolta howa bhaga
Khocha agar tere Bap ka Hakumat nahi hota to tujhe Batata???


Akele
Boy : Maine Suna hai is Ghar Mein Jin Bhot aur Rohain Rehti Hy
Pathan : pta Nai
Mje to Khud Mare Hue 8 Sal Hogye
Moral: pathano ko marne k bad B akal nae ati


Pathan Ka Pyar
Pathan (in romantic mood) :Tum meri zindgi ho!!
Wife : aur kaho achcha lag raha hai!!
Pathan : aur LANAT hai aisi zindagi pe!!!!!


Baap Ka Naam ''Google Khan''
Teacher: tumhare baap ka kia naam ha??
Pathan: Google Khan
Teacher: ye kia naam hoa bhla!!
Pathan: ham jahan marzi hon wo mujhe dhond leta ha....


Eid mubarak
Pathan ko gali me para 100 ka note mila,
Jis pe likha tha
“EiD MUBARAK”
Pathan ne chup k se note jeib me rakhte huye kaha
“KHER MUBARAK.


Kangal Pathan
ek Pathan kangal ho gya to us ny apni Bivi se kaha
bachon ko un k nanky bhej do
AuR tum apni ammi k ghar chali jao
Mera Allah malik
Main apny susral chala jata ho

Hindi Jokes

Mareez:-doctor aap ye phoolo ki mala kyon laaye hain?
Doctor:-ye mera pahla operation hai,agar safal hua to mere liye nahin to tuhare kaam aaegi.



Maalik:-are raamu aaj tumne roti main kitna saare ghee laga diya..
Naukar:-are saahab maaf karna shayad galti se maine apni roti aapko de di hai,



Saahukaar:-tumne apne udhaar ke paise abhi tak nahin wapas kiye…
chalo mamla beech main suljha lete hai…
tumhare udhaar ka aadha paisa main bhoolne ke liye taiyaar hoon..
Karzdaar:-manzoor:-baaki aadha main bhoolne ko taiyaar hoon.


Ek ladka ek ladki ke saath baitha tha,
doosre din doosri ladki ke saath baitha tha,
teesre din teesri ladki ke saath baitha tha…
is kahani se shiksha milti hai:-ladkiyan badal jaati hain,ladke nahin.



Ek aadmi librarian se:-mujhe aatmhatya karni hai.kya aap mujhe aatmhatya per koi achchi book de sakte hain.
Librarian:-nahin bilkul nahin,mujhe pata hai aap mujhe wo wapas nahin denge.



Teacher:-bachcho kabhi sharab mat peena,jhooth mat bolna,kabhi nonveg mat khana,kabhi ladki ko mat chhedna.aur apne desh ke liye jaan de dena.
Ek bachcha:-de denge sir,sala aisi zindagi se to marna achcha hai.



Ek jagah sangeet ki mahfil chal rahi thi.ek gayak ne jaise hi gana gaya ,
sab bole , “once more”.gayak ne gana phir suna diya. Sab log phir se bole ,
“once more”.gayak nephir se ganae suna diya.abki baar phir sab bole ,
“once more”.gayak ne kaha,”mere pyare sunne walo,
main aapka mere liye pyaar samajhta hu,
per meri bhi kuch maryada hai,main itni baar nahin ga sakta.”
Tabhi mahfil main se ek aadmi bola,”jab tak tum thik se nahin gaaoge,
tumko gana padega.” 

Comedy Jokes

Ek murgi market gayi, aur dukaandar se boli, “ek anda dena.” 
Dukaandar bola, “sharm nahin aati, murgi hokar anda mangti ho.” 
Murgi boli, “mere pati ne kaha hai ki 3 rupyee ke ande ke liye 
apna figure kharab mat karo.” 



Ek aadmi bhagwaan se bola, “india se usa tak pakki sadak banwa dijiye.” 
Bhagwan bole, “mushkil hai kuch aur maang lo.” Aadmi bola, 
“To phir aap meri biwi ko samajhdaar aur aagyakari bana dijiye.” 
Bhagwan bole, “sadak single banana hai ya double.” 


Ek naye teacher ne ek bachche se poocha, “is pakshi ke pair dekho aur iska naam batao. 
” Bachche ne kaha, “ pata nahin.” Teacher ne kaha, “ Tum fail ho gaye,batao tumhara naam batao. 
” Bachche ne kaha “Mere pair dekho aur naam batao”. 


ek baar aadmi ne bhagwan se kaha, 
“aapne aurat ko itna sundar kyon banaya hai?” 
Bhagwan bole,”taki tum unse pyaar kar sako.” 
Aadmi bola, “ to phir unhe itna bevkoof kyon banaya hai?” 
bhagwan ne jawab diya, “taki wo tumse pyaar kar sake.” 


ek aadmi ke paas uske doctor ka phone aaya. 
Docor ne kaha, “Mere pass tumhe sunane ke liye ek achchi khabar hai, 
aur ek buri khabar hai.pahle kya sunoge?” 
aadmi bola, “pahle mujhe achchi khabar suna do.” 
Doctor bola, “good news hai ki tumhe marne me 24 ghante baaki hain.” 
Aadmi bola, “oh no, aur buri khabar kya hai?” 
Doctor bola,”buri khabar ye hai ki ye khabar sunanae ke liye 
main tumhe kal phone karna bhool gaya.” 


Chota baby- mummy raat ko jab me susu karne gaya to bathroom 
Ki light jal gayi, 
Mummy- haramjade tu aaj fir freeze me susu kar aaya…!! 


Teacher:-MotorCycle k Kitne Tyers Hote hai? 
Smart Santa:- 6 Tyre 
Teacher(Gusse se): How? 
Santa:- 4 Motor k 2 Cycle k!G.M.

Comedy Hindi Jokes

Beta: Papa apki shaadi ho gayi? 
Papa: Haan. 
Beta: Kis se hui? 
Papa: Bewkuf teri mummy se.. 
Beta: Wah papa ghar me hi setting kar li. 


MAA-Beta Apple Khaoge, 
BETA-Nahi 
MAA-Beta Mengo Khaoge, 
BETA-Nahi 
MAA-Beta Orange Khaoge, 
BETA-Nahi 
MAA-Bilkul Baap Par Gaya Hai, 
Chappal Hi Khayega. 


Baith kar apni mehbuba ki zulfo k saye me aisa josh aaya, 
wah wah! 
Phir.. 
phir.. 
Usk Papa ne dekh liya aur I.C.U. me hosh aaya. 

Love Aur Arrange Marriage Me Kya Faraq He 
Love Marriage Me Aap Apni Girlfriend Se Shadi Karte Hai 
Aur 
Arrange Marriage Me 
Kisi Aur Ki ;-) 

Raja or Rani ne fix kiya ki ab baat Mobile se nhi Kabutar se karenge.1 din Rani ne bina khat k kabutar uda diya.Raja bola: 
Ye kya? 
Rani boli miss call yaar. 

Khud ko kar kanjoos itna ki.. 
har sms bhejne se pehle, 
SERVICE CENTER wale khud call kar k puche.. 
Bata sach me bhejna he ya galti se sent ho gaya tha

Very Funny Jokes

Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage Bureau shuru kiya hai: "Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye, Mangni k liye 2 dabye, Shadi k liye 3 dabye."
Man: Hum Dusri Shadi k liye kya dabaun?
Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi k liye pehle wali ka gala dabye ..!
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Bhongasing ek ped per chadh Gaye.
Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aaye?
Bhongasing: Apple khane.
Monkey: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Bhongasing: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hun.
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Saas (bahu se): Bhagwan ne tumhe 2-2 aankhe di. Chawal me se 2-4 pathhar nahi nikal sakti kya.
Bahu: Very funny! Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daant diye 2-4 pathhar bhi nahi chaba sakti ?
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Raja Pervaiz Ashraf: Yaar mujhey Mother's Day pe koi Message nhi aaya?
Secretary: Sir, Pakistan me jub Light jati hai,
Log aap ki Maa ko hi yaad kertey hain!!!
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Desi Maalik Makaan: OK, mein tumko kiraya dene ke liye aur 3 din ki mohlat deta hun.
Kirayedar: Theek hai ji, mein Diwali, Holi aur Chrismas ke 3 din select karta hoon.
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Lalu ji ek mahina obama ke pas se engish ki training lekar vaps aaye
ek din unhe ek call aaya. lalu ji bole "Who is speaking?". jawab aaya "Hum Sasura Obama bol raha hun".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boy: Tu Dharti Pe Chahe Jahan Bhi Rahe Gi, 
Tujhe Teri Khushbu Se Pehchan Loonga...
Girl: Mujhe Pehle Se Pata Tha, Tum Kuttay Ho...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dad:result ka kya hua
Son: Dad, ek good news hai aur aik bad news
Dad:good news bata.
Son : mai pass ho gya.
Dad : great, aur bad news.
Son:good news galat hai.
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Ek operation ke baad patient bola:
'doctor sahab Kya ab main aap logo se mukt hu?'
Beta doctor to neeche reh gye, main to Yamraj hun!!!!
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husband-talak lena hai,
advocate-talak lene ke liye 5000rp lagenge,
husband-pagal ho kya?pandit ne 51rp me shadi kari thi.
advocate-dekh liye na saste ka Natija!!