Santa Banta Jokes

Bantas advise:-
Dont carry umbrella during rain
Keep WHISPER on ur head
ye ghanto tak geelepan
ka ahsas nahi hone deta:D
..................................................

After an accident,
A v.angry driver: I showed u d headlights
& told u 2 go by side.

Santa: I also started d wipers
& said No, no..No no. :D

..................................................

SANTA went to court

JUDGE:
"Order ! Order !"

SANTA:
"1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"

JUDGE:
"Shut Up !"

SANTA:"No,No..7-Up!

..................................................
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I'm coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
..................................................
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
..................................................

Santa:- 'Which is better?
Google or Yahoo..?'
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
..
.
?

Banta- 'Oh wait.I'll search it on
Google'... :D ;)

..................................................
Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction (left or right)?
Santa: Downwards!

Jokes

Ek murgi market gayi, aur dukaandar se boli, “ek anda dena.” 
Dukaandar bola, “sharm nahin aati, murgi hokar anda mangti ho.” 
Murgi boli, “mere pati ne kaha hai ki 3 rupyee ke ande ke liye 
apna figure kharab mat karo.” 



Ek aadmi bhagwaan se bola, “india se usa tak pakki sadak banwa dijiye.” 
Bhagwan bole, “mushkil hai kuch aur maang lo.” Aadmi bola, 
“To phir aap meri biwi ko samajhdaar aur aagyakari bana dijiye.” 
Bhagwan bole, “sadak single banana hai ya double.” 


Ek naye teacher ne ek bachche se poocha, “is pakshi ke pair dekho aur iska naam batao. 
” Bachche ne kaha, “ pata nahin.” Teacher ne kaha, “ Tum fail ho gaye,batao tumhara naam batao. 
” Bachche ne kaha “Mere pair dekho aur naam batao”. 


ek baar aadmi ne bhagwan se kaha, 
“aapne aurat ko itna sundar kyon banaya hai?” 
Bhagwan bole,”taki tum unse pyaar kar sako.” 
Aadmi bola, “ to phir unhe itna bevkoof kyon banaya hai?” 
bhagwan ne jawab diya, “taki wo tumse pyaar kar sake.” 


ek aadmi ke paas uske doctor ka phone aaya. 
Docor ne kaha, “Mere pass tumhe sunane ke liye ek achchi khabar hai, 
aur ek buri khabar hai.pahle kya sunoge?” 
aadmi bola, “pahle mujhe achchi khabar suna do.” 
Doctor bola, “good news hai ki tumhe marne me 24 ghante baaki hain.” 
Aadmi bola, “oh no, aur buri khabar kya hai?” 
Doctor bola,”buri khabar ye hai ki ye khabar sunanae ke liye 
main tumhe kal phone karna bhool gaya.” 


Chota baby- mummy raat ko jab me susu karne gaya to bathroom 
Ki light jal gayi, 
Mummy- haramjade tu aaj fir freeze me susu kar aaya…!! 


Teacher:-MotorCycle k Kitne Tyers Hote hai? 
Smart Santa:- 6 Tyre 
Teacher(Gusse se): How? 
Santa:- 4 Motor k 2 Cycle k!G.M. 


College ke first day; Ladka: Tumhara naam kya hai? Ladki: Mujhe sab didi kehte hai.. Ladka: WOW MUJHE SAB JIJAJI KEHTE HAIN! 


Teacher- Bataao bachcho jo galat kaam karte hain wo kaha jate hain?? 
Student- sharmate huye bola sir.. 
Manuabhaan tekri, EKAANT park, Chinar park, MAYUR park... 

Comedy hind Jokes

Beta: Papa apki shaadi ho gayi? 
Papa: Haan. 
Beta: Kis se hui? 
Papa: Bewkuf teri mummy se.. 
Beta: Wah papa ghar me hi setting kar li. 


MAA-Beta Apple Khaoge, 
BETA-Nahi 
MAA-Beta Mengo Khaoge, 
BETA-Nahi 
MAA-Beta Orange Khaoge, 
BETA-Nahi 
MAA-Bilkul Baap Par Gaya Hai, 
Chappal Hi Khayega. 


Baith kar apni mehbuba ki zulfo k saye me aisa josh aaya, 
wah wah! 
Phir.. 
phir.. 
Usk Papa ne dekh liya aur I.C.U. me hosh aaya. 

Love Aur Arrange Marriage Me Kya Faraq He 
Love Marriage Me Aap Apni Girlfriend Se Shadi Karte Hai 
Aur 
Arrange Marriage Me 
Kisi Aur Ki ;-) 

Raja or Rani ne fix kiya ki ab baat Mobile se nhi Kabutar se karenge.1 din Rani ne bina khat k kabutar uda diya.Raja bola: 
Ye kya? 
Rani boli miss call yaar. 

Khud ko kar kanjoos itna ki.. 
har sms bhejne se pehle, 
SERVICE CENTER wale khud call kar k puche.. 
Bata sach me bhejna he ya galti se sent ho gaya tha.

Akbar Birbal Jokes

Akbar Birbal Joke 1: (Ammi - Abba)

Akbar : Hamare ammi abba humse itni mohabt karte thhe, ke hame sulane k lie sari sari raat jagte rehte, or hum fir b na sote the.
Birbal  : Tbhi to aap eklote reh gaye huzoor.

Akbar Birbal Joke 2: (Khakar Peekar Bhi Roja Na Toote)

Akbar : Birbal koi aisa tarika batao ki main khau peeu or mera roza na tute.

Birbal : Huzur logo se laate khao or gussa pee jao sab kuch tutega magar roza nahi tutega.

Akbar Birbal Joke 3: (Ku Su Joke)
Akbar tells Birbal that he has learnt adding Ku to something makes it bad and Su to something makes it good.

While speaking all this Akbar's Son enters the room, Birbal gets up says Come Come "Suvar" Saheb (which means pig). Akbar gets very angry on this insult, he asks Birbal to explain this. Birbal says Badshah you yourself said Ku means bad and Su means good, then how could I call your son "Kuvar" (a Rajput word for Prince), hence I called him Suvar...

Akbar Birbal Joke 4: (Good Qualities)
One day, Birbal was talking of a dinner he had eaten the day before. In doing so, he described brinjal (baingan) as be -gun i.e. without any good qualities. Akbar, who at the very moment was passing by, overheard this and started praising the qualities of the brinjal as bahu-gun i.e one without myriad qualities. Birbal promptly agreed. Thereupon, Akbar remonstrated with Birbal and asked him how Birbal could contradict himself. Birbal, with his famous presence of mind, retorted 'But Your Highness, I am your servant and not of the brinjal!'


Akbar Birbal Joke 5: (Sir Student)
Sir         : Birbal Kon Tha?
Student : Pta Nahi.
Sir         : Padhai Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.
Student : Raj,Sunny,Bunty, Kon Hain?
Sir         : Pta Nhi.
Student : Beti Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.. .

Akbar Birbal Joke 6: (A Kiss)
Akbar  : Mujse Vada Kr Teri Biwi Ke Pehli Kiss muje Lene Dega.
Birbal  : Vada Hujoor! Par Meri bhi ek Sart Hai.
Akbar  : Bol?
Birbal  : Shadi aapki Behan Se Karunga.

Akbar Birbal Joke 7: (Gay)

Teacher : who was AKBAR?

Boy        : Akbar was gay!!

Teacher : why?

Boy        : v hav heard. Laila-Majnu, ......Heer-Ranjha, Adam-Eve, Soni-Mahival & only Akbar-Birbal...;

Akbar Birbal Stories 13 (List of blinds)

Once King Akbar questioned Birbal if he knows the number of blind citizens of their kingdom.

Raja Birbal had requested Akbar to give him a week’s time.

The next day Raja Birbal was found to be mending shoes in the town market. People were astonished to see Birbal doing such work. Many of them started to question "Birbal!! What are you doing?"

Once when he was asked this question by someone he started writing something. It continued for a week when on the 7th day King Akbar himself asked Birbal the same question.

Giving him no answer, Birbal reported at the court the next day and handed over a note to King Akbar. Akbar read the note when he found that it was the big list of people who were blind.

Emperor Akbar was stunned when he found his own name in the list. Angered by this, Akbar asked Birbal the reason for writing his name in the list.

Birbal said "O! My majesty! Like all other people you also saw me mending the slippers but you still asked me what I was doing. Therefore I had to include your name too."

Akbar started laughing at this and everyone enjoyed Birbal's sense of humor