Funny Chutkule

Gareeb Parivar par Nibandh (Essay)

Ek Ameer Ladki ko School me “Gareeb Parivar” pe Essay Likhne ko Kaha Gaya..
Essay me usne Likha:
Ek Gareeb Parivar tha,
Pita Gareeb, Maa Gareeb, Bachche Gareeb.
Parivar me 4 Naukar the, wo bhi Gareeb..
Car bhi Tooti hui SAFARI thi..
Unka Gareeb Driver Bachon ko Tooti
Car me School Chhod Ke Aata tha..
Bachon K paas Purane Samsung S3 Mobile the..
Bache Hafte me 4 bar hi Chicken Khate the..
Ghar me 4 hi 2nd Hand A.C.. the..
Sara Parivar Badi Mushkil se Aish Kar raha tha….!!
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Irritating Joke: Fridge hai?

A guy calls an unknown number…
Guy: Fridge hai?
Reply: Haan hai.
Guy: Chalta hai?
Reply: Haan chalta hai..
Guy: Toh pakad ke rakhna, warna bhaag jaayega..
And he hangs up..
After a while, he calls up again..
Guy: Fridge hai?
This time the person’s really angry.
Reply: Nahi hai.
Guy: Kahaan se hoga.. Bola tha na pakad ke rakhna varna bhaag jaayega..

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Master Ji And Pappu

Master ji ( to pappu): “ Agar Main Tumhe 2 Billi
Du, Fir 2 Billi Du Aur Fir 2 Billi Aur Du
To Tumhare Pas Kitni Billiya Ho Jayengi…??
Pappu: Ji 7,
Master: “ Nahi, Mera Sawal Dobara Dhayan Se
Suno,
Agar Main Tumhe 2 Billi Du, Fir 2 Billi Du Aur
Fir
2 Billi Aur Du To Tumhare Pas Kitni Billiya Ho
Jayengi.?
Pappu: “Master Ji 7
Master: “ Hmm, Main Tumhe Alag Tarike Se
Samjhata Hun,
Agar Main Tumhe 2 Seb Du, Fir 2 Seb Du Aur
Fir 2
Seb Aur Du To Tumhare Paas Kitne Seb Ho
Jayenge…..??
Pappu: “Ji 6 ”
Master Khush Hote Hue: “ Bahut Achhe, Ab Agar
Main Tumhe 2
Billi Du, Fir 2 Billi Du Aur Fir 2 Billi Aur Du To
Tumhare Pas Kitni
Billiya Ho Jayengi……?? ­
Pappu: abe kitni baar bolu 7
master ji (gusse se ) Bole : “ Abe kamine, jab seb
6 ho rhe h to billi 7 keSe Ho Jayengi….??
Pappu( rote huye): Kyun ki mere Paas Ghar
Par 1 Billi Pahle Se Hi Hai..

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Murgiyo Ki Tange Choti Kyu Hoti Hai?

Teacher Ne Class Mein Bachho Se Ek Sawal Puchha
Teacher: “Murgiyo Ki Tange Choti Kyu Hoti Hai Batao?”
Santa: “Sir Agar Murgiyo Ki Tange Lambi Hogi Toh Ande Gir Kar Toot Jayenge Na

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Getting Blocked on Social Networks – Boy & Girl

Boy : Whats your Name??
Girl: Palak and you
Boy: Paneer
*BLOCKED!!!*
.
Girl : Hello i am khusbu
Boy : khusbu ka dusra naam bharosa
agarbati….kone kone me khusbu faila
de
**blocked**
.
Boy:hi, wats ur name??
Girl: its Neha Singhal.
Boy: oh. . M also Single.
*blocked*
.
Girl: What’s Up?
Boy: Uttar Pradesh…
*gets blocked*
.
Girl : tu soya hai…??
Boy : Nahi…! Schezwan hu..!
*Gets Blocked Instantly*
.
Girl: I’m free tommorow!
Boy: pehle kya paid thi??
*GETS BLOCKED*
.
Boy: aaj mausam achha h mall chalte h.
Girl: waha kya karenge??
Boy: hawan karenge, hawan karenge.
*blocked*
.
Girl : see ya!
Boy: var Ram chandra ki jay..!
Blocked*
.
Girl: Have a Good Day….
Boy: No thank you… I like Parle-G
more…
*BLOCKED*
.
Girl: I need some Space.
Boy: Ok then go to Rahul Gandhi’s
forehead.
*Blocked*
.
Girl puts up her status :” waiting for
CHENNAI EXPRESS “…
Boy: COOLIE hai kya? ?
*Blocked*
.
Boy- Thank you
Girl-My pleasure
Boy- My Bajaj Pulsar
*Reported as spam*
*Blocked Forever*

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Checklist – Kya Aap CHUTIYE Hain?

Agar aap gym mein Itna workout
karte hain ki aapki chest aapki
girlfriend se badi dikhti hai toh
ronnie coleman ki kasam AAP
CHUTIYE HAIN
————— ————– –
ladki k chakkar me suicide karne
walo…saare brahmand ki nazron
me aap aashiq nahi AAP CHUTIYE
HAIN
————— ————– –
Kisi Marketing SMS ko apne 9
dosto ko forward karke ye sochna
ki apko 51.42 ka talktime milega,
kasam Bharti mittal ki AAP
CHUTIYE HAIN
————— ————– –
agar aap apni Saheli (girlfriend) ki
recharge pe recharge karaye ja rahe
hai par fir bhe wo aapko MISS
CALL hi karti hai aur aap uske yeh
baat maan lete hai ki woh
JALANDHAR WALE BUA se baat
kar rahi thi, isliye balance khatam
ho gaya ,,,
to kasam Vodafone ke zoozoo ki
AAP CHUTIYE HAIN
————— ————– –
agar aap software install karte
waqt Next-next click kar ke bina
dekhe add-ons install karte hain,
toh ask tool bar ke search box
me aapke liye likha hoga ki AAP
CHUTIYE HAIN
————— ————– –
Mumbai me rehkar “OMG I saw
tusshar kapoor today- best day of
my life!!” type status lagane wale,
kasam uspe aaye 5 likes ki kasam,
AAP CHUTIYE HAIN
————— ————– –
Ganesh sthaapna ke mauke pe
“halkat jawaani” gaana bajaake
naachne walo, Aap Chutiye Hain
————— ————– –
agar apne dosto ko chhod ke aap
24 ghante ladkiyo mein ghuse
rehte hein toh aap Cocktail ke
hero nahi, AAP CHUTIYE HAIN
————— ————– –
AND THE ULTIMATE ONE !!!
Agar aap Sab Se Costly i-phone
lete ho aur $1 cost ki wajah se
Whatsapp install nahi karte ho to
China mobile use karne wale bhi
kahenge ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

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Wife Aisi Laana Jo

Aaj to Maa ne bhi saaf bol diya…
ki
Beta, Wife Aisi Lana Jo
Facebook Na Use Karti Hoo,
Ghar Mein Aur Kuch Kaam Bhi Hote Hai….

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Different Types of Cheese

Santa: name diff types of cheese
Banta: Gouda …feta…bekhudhi …mozzarella …
Santa: wait a minute …what’s bekhudhi ???
Banta: hosh waalon ko khabarr kya bekhudhi kya cheese hai.

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Ek American Aur Ek Indian

1 baar 1 american or 1 indian helicopter me ja rahe the
Tabhi american ko potty lagi, indian ne kaha 1 plastic kar k niche phek do
Usne waisa hi kiya,
Niche 1 sadhu ganga me prathna kar raha tha, tabhi usk haath me plastic giri
.
Sadhu ne socha bhagwan ka prasaad hai ghar jaakar apne bete kko khilaunga
Ghar gaya or apne bete ko de diya or bola kha lo
Jaise hi bete ne khane k liye uthaya, light chali gayi
.
Pehla bite; papa khatti,
.
Dusra bite; papa mitthe
.
Teesra bite khane gaya toh light wapas aa gayi
.
.
.
.
.
.
Papa ” tatti”………