English funnny jokes

Wats d height of hope??
It is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
“dude,dnt worry.
Exams wil get postponed!”

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Rain of summer, snow of winter,
grace of autumn, glory of spring,
May beauty of every season
give ur heart a beautiful reason 2 smile.
May God suceed u in every exams of ur life.
Good luck & all the best

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Good FRIENDS are hard to find,
harder to leave,
and impossible to forget.

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eXams are there,
at the paper u stare;
the answer is nowhere,
which makes u pull ur hair.
The teachers make u glare,
the grades r not fair,
but just like the past 20 yrs,
WE DONT CARE !!

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Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall

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To be a “Good professional”,
always start to study late for “Exams”.
Because it teaches how to manage “Time”
and tackle “Emergencies”!!

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To accomplish great things,
We must not only act,
But also dream,
Not only plan but also believe,

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Exams are like Girl friends
- Too many questions
- Difficult to understand
- More explanation is needed
- Result is always fail!

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A student grabbed a coin,

Flipped it in the air & said,
“Head, I go to sleep.”

Tail, I watch a movie.

If it stands on the edge I’ll study

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It takes 15 trees to
produce the amount
of paper that we
use to write one exam.

join us in promoting the noble
cause of saving trees.
SAY NO TO EXAMS

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You must be a good runner because
you are always running in my mind,
you must be a good thief because
you have stolen my heart,
and
i am always a bad shooter because
I Miss You Always...

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True love is like a pillow
U could HUG it when u r in trouble
U could CRY on it when u r in pain
U could EMBRACE it when u r happy

Want True Love?

Spend Rs.50 BUY A PILLOW

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Dictionary is da only place where death comes before life,
success before work,
& divorce before marriage.
but the Best part is
Friend comes before relatives :)

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A true Friend
is not like
',",'Rain',",'
Which Rained & left away.
A true friend is like
~_~AIR_~_~
Symptoms silient but always around u :)

Take Care alot

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May our friendship turn into silver, silver into gold, gold into diamonds... and may our diamonds be forever... Then we'll sell it OK? Fifty-Fifty

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Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects

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Child Donkey: Mum with whom shall I play, every donkey is busy. Mother Donkey: Don't worry son, see here, this donkey will be free after reading this SMS.

50 Awesome Quotes That Will Inspire You To Take That Risk

Your dreams are ballbusters; they’re not the yellow brick road. Kelly Cutrone

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. Ellen DeGeneres

If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business because we’d be too cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. Annie Dillard

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao Tzu

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T. S. Eliot

Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. Robert Louis Stevenson

It is never too late to be what you might have been.George Eliot

Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one has better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take a calculated risk – and to act. Andre Malraux quotes

Every man dies, but not every man really lives.Braveheart

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might has well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default. J.K. Rowling

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. Chinese Proverb

Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try. Jack Canfield

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover. Mark Twain

Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. George Addair

Screw it, Let’s do it! Richard Branson

You can’t have everything you want, but you can have the things that really matter to you. Marissa Mayer

Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s. Billy Wilder

I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. It’s because of them I’m doing it myself. Albert Einstein

Only those who play win. Only those who risk win. History favors risk-takers. Forgets the timid. Everything else is commentary. Iveta Cherneva

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin

Life is being on the wire, everything else is just waiting. Karl Wallenda

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand

Sardar funny jokes

Hitler says, 
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary" 
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"

Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank. 
Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine, 
Happily they drank & went away. 
Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya. 

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast. 

Sardar: I hav’nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y did’nt u ecchanged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody
2 exchange in the lower birth.. 

Sardar 2 friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend:If I guess right, u give me 1?
Sardar:Oji, I will give both of them 

Sardar looks at an icecube for 1 hour
some one asks him what he was doing..
Sardar replied:-iam checking from where its leaking....! 

Q: Why are there no elephants in Bollywood?
A:They can't run around trees without knocking them down.

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was
asked a question
Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?
Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will
investigate

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Sardar’s Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Don’t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate “Bachelor Again”.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is “Married Again”.

Q:Why is a Sardarji standing below
a tube light with a open mouth?
A:Because his doctor advised him
“Today’s dinner should be light”

A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail…….why?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !

Akbar Life Summary

Emperor Akbar, also known as Akbar the Great or Jalaluddin Muhammad Akbar, was the third emperor of the Mughal Empire, after Babur and Humayun. He was the son of Nasiruddin Humayun and succeeded him as the emperor in the year 1556, when he was only 13 years old. One of the most successful emperors of the Mughal Empire, Akbar also made significant contribution in the field of art. Apart from commencing a large collection of literature, he also commissioned a number of splendid buildings during his reign. This biography of King Akbar will provide you more information on his life history:

Early Life
Akbar was born on 15th October 1542, to Emperor Humayun and his recently wedded wife, Hamida Banu Begum. The Rajput Fortress of Umarkot in Sind, where Humayun and Hamida were taking refuge, became the birthplace of this great emperor. In 1540, Humayun was forced into exile by Afghan leader Sher Shah and Akbar spent his childhood in Afghanistan, at his uncle Askari's place. His youth was spent in running and fighting, rather than learning to read and write. However, this could never impair his interest in art, architecture, music and literature.

Humayun recaptured Delhi in the year 1555, with the help of his Persian ally Shah Tahmasp. However, a few months after his victory, he met with an accident and died. On 14th February 1556, Akbar succeeded the throne, in the midst of a war waged by Sikandar Shah for the Mughal throne.

Early Rule
The first battle fought by Akbar was against Sikandar Shah Suri of Punjab. However, when Akbar was busy leading assault against Sikandar Shah, Hemu, a Hindu warrior, launched an attack on Delhi, which was then under the regency of Tardi Beg Khan. Tardi fled from the city and Hemu claimed the capital. On the advice of his general, Bairam, Akbar launched an attack on Delhi and reclaimed the city. On 5th November 1556, 'Akbar the Great' fought the Second Battle of Panipat against General Hemu.

Following soon after was the battle with Sikandar Shah at Mankot. In 1557, Adil Shah, who was the brother of Sikandar, died in a battle in Bengal. Along with fighting against the other rulers, Akbar also solidified his support by revoking the jizya tax on non-Muslims. At the same time, he started wooing the favor of the powerful Rajput caste, at times by marrying Rajput princesses. He expanded the Mughal Empire by including Malwa, Gujarat, Bengal, Kabul, Kashmir and Kandesh, amongst others. In no time, the rule of Akbar was firmly established over the entire Hindustan (India).

Final Years
Akbar was greatly troubled in the last few years of his life due to the misdemeanors of his sons. Especially his third son, Salim, was frequently in rebellion against his father. The last conquest of Akbar comprised of Asirgarh, a fort in the Deccan. Thereafter, he faced the rebellion of his son and breathed his last on 12th October 1605. His body was entombed in a magnificent mausoleum at Sikandra city, near Agra.

Navratnas
Akbar's court had Navaratnas (Nine Jewels), meaning a group of nine extraordinary people. They included:
Abul Fazel (Akbars's chief advisor and author of Akbarnama)
Faizi (Akbar's poet laureate)
Mian Tansen (a Hindu singer who converted to Islam)
Birbal (a noble known for his wittiness)
Raja Todar Mal (Akbar's finance minister)
Raja Man Singh (trusted general of Akbar)
Abdul Rahim Khan-I-Khana (a noble and a renowned poet)
Fakir Aziao-Din
Mullah Do Piaza

9 gems of Akbar

• Abul Fazl (1551–1602) was the chronicler of Akbar’s rule. He authored the biographical Akbarnama. Abul Fazl documented the history meticulously, over seven years, in three volumes, the third volume is known as the Ain-i-Akbari and a Persian translation of the Bible.[1] He was also the brother of Faizi, the poet laureate of emperor Akbar.

• Faizi (1547–1595) was Abul Fazl’s brother. He was a poet who composed beautiful poetry. His father was Mubarak Nagori, a scholar in the philosophy and literature of  Greece as well as in Islamic theology.

• Miyan Tansen was a singer for King Akbar, born as Tanna Mishra, a Hindu Brahmin, in 1520, he was a poet himself. He learnt music from Swami Haridasand later from Hazrat Muhammad Ghaus. He was a court musician with the prince of Mewar and later was recruited by Akbar as his court musician. Tansen became a legendary name in India and was the composer of many classical ragas. He was an extraordinarily gifted vocalist, known for a large number of compositions, and also an instrumentalist who popularized and improved the rabab (of Central Asian origin). He was buried in Gwalior, where a tomb has been constructed for him. It is unclear if Tansen converted to Islam.

• Raja Birbal (1528–1583) was a poor Hindu Brahmin who was appointed to the court of Akbar for his intelligence, and became the court jester. Born by the name Maheshdas, he was conferred the name Raja Birbal by the Emperor. Birbal's duties in Akbar's court were mostly military and administrative but he was also a very close friend of the emperor, who liked Birbal most for his wit and humor. There are many witty stories of exchanges and interactions between the monarch and his minister that are popular today. Birbal was also a poet and his collections under the pen name "Brahma” are preserved inBharatpur Museum. Raja Birbal died in battle, attempting to quell unrest amongst Afghani tribes in Northwest India.

• Raja Todar Mal  was a Hindu Khatri/Kayastha and was Akbar’s finance minister, who from 1560 onwards overhauled the revenue system in the kingdom. He introduced standard weights and measurements, revenue districts and officers. His systematic approach to revenue collection became a model for the future Mughals as well as the British. Raja Todar Mal was also a warrior who assisted Akbar in controlling the Afghan rebels in Bengal. Todar Mal had developed his expertise in Sher Shah's employment. In 1582, Akbar bestowed on the raja the title Diwan-I-Ashraf.

• Raja Man Singh was the Kacchwaha Rajah of Amber, a state later known as Jaipur. He was a trusted general in Akbar's army and was the grandson of Akbar’s father-in-law. His family had been inducted into Mughal hierarchy as amirs (nobles). Raja Man Singh was the foremost ablest among Akbar's military commanders and assisted Akbar in many fronts including holding off advancing Hakim (Akbar’s half-brother, a governor of Kabul) in Lahore. He was also the Mughal viceroy of Afghanistan, led campaigns in Bihar, Orissa, Deccan and was also the viceroy of Bengal.

• Abdul Rahim Khan-I-Khana was a poet was the son of Akbar’s trusted protector and caretaker when he was a teenager, Bairam Khan. After Bairam Khan was murdered treacherously, his wife became the second wife of Akbar. He is most known for his Hindi couplets and his books on Astrology.[2] The village of Khankhana, named after him, is located in the Nawanshahr district of the state of Punjab in northwest India.

• Fakir Aziao-Din was a mystic and an advisor. Akbar regarded his advice in high esteem.

• Mullah Do Piaza was a advisor to Akbar