hindi jokes Jokes Collection

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiya aayengi.

Thambu : Wow, kya baat hai.

Pandit: Zyada khush honey ki baat nahi hai. Ek gharwali aur 5 betiya hai. :p
................................................................................
1 chiti hathi par beth k ja rahi thi.Raste me kaccha bridg aa gaya.Usko dekh k chiti boli-..............Jaanu cross kar loge,k utru?....:-)
................................................................................
Tchr-Batao Kutta Puch Q Hilata Hai?

Boy - Q ki Puch Me Itni Taakat Nhi Hoti K Wo Kutte Ko Hila Sake!!

Sidhi Baat No Bakvas.. Clear hai!!;
................................................................................
Mohan: Ladkiya sharab se itni nafrat kyun karti hai?



Sohan: Kyun ki isko pine ke baad unke chue jaise pati shero jaise bartab karne lagte hai!!!
................................................................................
Aaj Ka Sawal:
Muhabbat Ho jati hai ya karni parti hai?
very simple
Ladki Khoobsurat ho to ho jati hai..
Agar Ameer ho to karni parti hai...
................................................................................
Police wale ne carwale ko roka- "yeh suraksha week hai. Aap belt pehn
kar car chala rahe hain, isliye aapko Rs 5,000 ka inaam
dia jata hai. aap is inaam ka kya karoge ?"

car driver- "mein iss inaam se apna driving license banwaunga"

pichli seat par baithi uski maa boli- "iski bat ka yakin mat karo.
ye sharab pi kr kuch b bolta hai."

uske papa bole- "muje pata tha ki chori ki car me
hm zyada dur nhi ja payenge."

Tabhi dikki se awaz ayi-
"bhai hmne border par kar lia kya ?.............. "
................................................................................
Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai. Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay? Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to Pinki aunty se lay aana.
................................................................................
Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.



Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.
................................................................................
Maa apne bete se kehti: Beta so ja warna gabbar aa jayega.



Beta apni maa se kehta: Maa mujhe Chocolate do varna papa se keh dunga ke mere sone ke bad roz gabbar aata hai.

Jokes

एक दिन छोड़कर खेलें जुआ
पिता ( बेटे से ) - देखों बेटे , जुआ नहीं खेलते | यह ऐसी आदत हैं कि यदि इसमें आज जीतोगे तो कल हारोगे , परसों जीतोगे तो उससे अगले दिन हार जाओगे |
बेटा - बस , पिताजी ! मैं समझ गया , आगे से मैं एक दिन छौड़कर खेला करूंगा |
बाप पर गया बेटा

माँ बेटे से - बेटा सेब खालो
बेटा बोलता है- ना
माँ फिर बोलती है - बेटा, केला खालो
बेटा बोलता है - नही
माँ (गुस्से मे) - तु , अपने बाप पर गया है, चप्पल ही खायेगा।
............................................................................................
बीवी का मजाक
संता (बंता से)- मेरी बीवी इतना मजाक करती है कि क्या बताऊं।
बंता (संता से)- क्या मजाक करती है?
संता - कल मैं घर गया उसकी आंखों पर हाथ रखा और वो मजाक में बोली दूधवाला।
मुर्गी दाना

संता मैंने आपकी दुकान से मुर्गी दाना खरीदा था।
दुकानदार- तो क्या उसमें कोई खराबी निकली।
संता- महीना हो गया मुझे खेत में बोये अब तक मुर्गी नही उगी।
............................................................................................
अध्‍यापक और बालक
अध्यापक -तुम बडे मुर्ख हो बालक , मै तुम्हारी उम्र मे अच्छी तरह किताब पढ लेता था |
छात्र - श्रीमान आपको अच्छा मास्टर मिल गया होगा?
फकीर को दिया हाजमोला

फकीर- आपके पड़ोसी ने पेट भर कर खाना खिलाया है, आप भी कुछ खिलाओ।
चिंटु- ये लो हाजमोला
............................................................................................
खंबे से बचाकर
एक बार एक औरत कि अर्थी जा रही थी। राम नाम सत्य है, सबकी यही गत है, अर्थी एक पोल को टकरा गय़, औरत जिवित हो उठी।
फिर कुछ महिने बाद मर गयी, अर्थी जा रही थी ' लोग कह रहे थे' राम नाम सत्य है-राम नाम सत्य है!
औरत का पति कह रहा था खंबे से बचा कर।
मैनेजमेंट और अपॉरचुनिटी

एक बैंक लूट के दौरान लुटेरों के मुखिया ने बैंक में मौजूद लोगों को चेतावनी देते हुए कहा "ये पैसा देश का है और जान आपकी अपनी। सब लोग लेट जाओ तूरंत .... क्विक"। सब लोग लेट गये !
इसे कहते हैं - 'Mind Changing Concept'
लुटेरों का एक साथी जो कि MBA किये हुआ था, उसने कहा कि पैसे गिन लें? मुखिया ने कहा बेवकूफ वो टीवी पर देखना न्यूज में,
इसे कहते हैं - 'Experience'
लुटेरे 20 लाख लेकर भाग गए. असिस्टेंट मैनेजर ने कहा - 'एफ आई आर' करें? मैनेजर ने कहा - '10 लाख निकाल लो और जो हमने 50 लाख का गबन किया वो भी लूट में जोड़ लो .... काश हर महीने डकैती हो'।
इसे कहते हैं - 'Opportunity'
टीवी पर न्यूज आई - "बैंक से 80 लाख लूटे" लुटेरों ने कई बार गिने 20 लाख ही थे उनको समझ में आ गया कि इतनी जोखिम के बाद उनको 20 लाख ही मिले, जबकि साले मैनेजर ने 60 लाख यूं ही बना लिए।
अब इसे कहते हैं MANAGEMENT!
............................................................................................
प्‍लेन नहीं उड़ेगा
एक बार इंजीनियरिंग के सभी प्रोफेसर्स को एक प्लेन में बैठाया गया..
.
फिर एनाउंस किया गया..
.
.
ये प्लेन उड़ने वाला है..
.
.
सारे प्रोफेसर्स ये सुनते ही डर के मारे उतर गए..लेकिन प्रिंसिपल बैठे रहे..
.
लोगों ने पूछा..?
.
आपको डर नहीं लगता..?
.
प्रिंसिपल-मुझे अपने स्टूडेंट्स पर पूरा भरोसा है..
.
.
यह नहीं उड़ेगा..!!!
अब्राहम लिंकन राष्‍ट्रपति थे
पापा : जब अब्राहम लिंकन तुम्हारी उम्र के थे, तो वह स्ट्रीट लाइट की रोशनी में पढ़ाई किया करते थे।
.
.
.
.

बेटा : और जब वह आपकी उम्र के थे, तो अमेरिका के राष्ट्रपति थे।
............................................................................................
दूरबीन से तारा तोड़ दिया
संता दूरबीन से आकाश देख रहा था और बंता गौर से उसे देख रहा था।
तभी एक तारा टूट कर गिर गया।
बंता: क्‍या निशाना है..गुरू, पहली बार में ही तारा तोड़ दिया।
संता और स्‍कूटर

संता दफ्तर से स्‍कूटर घसीटते हुए लौट रहा था,
बंता ने पूछा, 'क्‍या पेट्रोल खत्‍म हो गया?'
'नहीं नहीं पेट्रोल भरा हुआ है और स्‍कूटर भी ठीक है,
मैं इसकी चाबी घर पर भूल गया था।
बंता- तो फिर सुबह कैसे आए?
संता: इसी तरह घसीटते हुए।
............................................................................................
नागिन का दूध
ग्राहक- वेटर ऐसी चाय पिलाओ जिसे पीकर तन मन झूम उठे और बदन मचलने लगे।
वेटर- सर हमारे यहां भैंस का दूध आता है नागिन का नही।
चोर और पति

पति- कल तुम मायके गयी पीछे से चोर आये और मुझे बहुत पीटा।
पत्नी- आपने शोर नही मचाया?
पति- मैं तेरी तरह डरता नही, जो चिल्लाऊं..
............................................................................................
रेल का किराया
अध्यापक-रेल किराया इतना अधिक बढ जाने पर भी यात्रियों की संख्या में वृद्धि हो रही है |
इसका कारण बताइये |
छात्र - इसका कारण यह है कि हर एक आदमी यही सोचता है | अगले साल किराया और बढ जाएगा इसलिए अभी यात्रा कर ली जाए |
कवि और प्रेमिका
प्रेमी -प्रेमिका ने जब एक दूसरे को विवाह का वचन दे दिया |
प्रेमिका- परन्तु प्रिय , में एक बात मैं पहले साफ कर दूं -मुझे खाना पकाना नहीं आता |
प्रेमी- कोई बात नहीं प्रिय , मैं भी पहले ही साफ किये देता हूं ,
मैं कवि हूं , मेरे घर में पकाने के लिए कुछ है ही नहीं |
डॉक्‍टर और पत्‍नी

पत्नी ने डॉक्टर से कहा - डॉक्टर साहब ! मेरे पति नींद में बड़बड़ाते हैं |
डॉक्टर ने कहा - इसका कोई इलाज नहीं हैं |
पत्नी बोली - कम से कम ऐसी कोई दवा तो उनको दीजिए जिससे उनका बड़बड़ाना साफ सुन सकूं
............................................................................................

एक शराबी और लड़की

एक शराबी झूमता हुआ घर की ओर जा रहा था कि अचानक रुक गया।
दरअसल उसके पीछे-पीछे दो लडकियां पता नहीं किस बात पर आपस में झगड़ते हुए चल रहीं थीं।
एक लड़की - "भगवान करे तेरी शादी इस शराबी से हो जाए ... "
दूसरी लड़की - "नहीं, भगवान करे तेरी हो जाये ... "
शराबी - "मैं रुकूं ... या जाऊं ?

दुकानदार और महिला

दुकानदार एक औरत को कपड़े दिखा दिखा कर थक गया ..
.
.
.
आखिर बोला, मुझे अफसोस है की आपको कोई कपड़ा पसंद नहीं आया
.
.
.
औरत:" कोई बात नहीं .........मै तो वैसे भी सब्जी लेने आई थी............

Naughty Jokes

Doctor to Minister : Mantriji aapki biwi maa banne wali hai.
Mantri soch me pad gaya
Doctor : Kya hua mantrijee
Mantri : Samajh nahi aa raha sala kaun FARZI-MATDAAN kar gaya..!!

............................................................................................ 

Pregnant aurat ko dekhkar ek ladki boli – Lagta hai makaan
ban gaya hai, Kirayedar bhe aa gaye hai.
Pregnant Lady Boli – Mistri khali hai. Tere ghar bhej du kya? 

............................................................................................ 

Dhobi police se: Banta ne meri biwi ki ijjat luti!!
Banta: Main press karwane gaya tha, dhobi ne kaha main
khana kha raha hoon, istri garm hai mar lo! 

............................................................................................ 

Ek Ladki ne hoto par “India” ke tirange ka
rang laga rakha tha Ek ladka aaya aur hoto
par “kiss” kar gaya aur bola, “I LOVE MY INDIA” 

............................................................................................ 

Santa : Aaj papa ne pitayi kar di
Banta : Kyun?
Santa : Meine to sirf itna pucha “KAMINE” film
dekhne chal rahe ho ya ghar pe hi “BLUE” film dekhoge 

............................................................................................ 

Raat ke 3 baje santa ke number par phone
aaya – Hello yaha Fatima Mehfooz rehti hai kya?
Santa : Kutte itni raat ko Fatima mere paas
hoti to mehfooz rehti kya? 

............................................................................................ 

Husband to Wife : Mein shaadi se pehle 20 auraton ke saath so chuka hoon.

Wife : Mujhe pata tha ki jab kundli mili hai to aadatein bhi zarur milti hogi!!!

............................................................................................ 

On first night after marriage
Wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.
Husband : I thinK because this is your first night.

Wife : No, no.. Actually it is first time in night…

............................................................................................ 

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai.
Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!
Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena

............................................................................................ 

Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!! 

............................................................................................ 

Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the,
to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu,
so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!! 

Funny hindi sardar jokes and sms

Sardar and doctor joke in hindi

Dr.:- Aapke 3 daant kaise tut
gaye..?
Sardar:- Ji wo wife ne kadak roti banai thi.
Dr.:- To khane se mana kar dete.
Sardar:- Ji wo hi to kiya tha...

Sardar and his girlfriend joke in hindi

Sardar got an sms from his
Girlfriend written as "I Miss You".
Sardar ne apna dimag laga ke 2 ghante baad reply bheja "I Mr.You".

Sardar aur ajanbi ladki hindi joke
Sardar ne 1 raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha:- Aapne pehchana mujhe ko.
Ladki:- Nahi aap koun ho..?
Sardar:- Main wahi hu jisko aapne
parso bhi nahi pehchana tha.
 

 Sardar and his math exam funny hindi joke

 Sardar math ke paper me dance kar raha tha.
Kisi ne pocha ye kya kar rahe ho..?
Sardar:- Yaar mere sir ne kaha tha ke her step ke no. hote h.

Sardar meets to bill gates joke in hindi

Sardar Bill gates se:- Tum pagal ho.
Bill:- Why..?
Sardar:- Tumhara surname Gates h aur business tum Windows ka karte ho.

Sardar and his wife sms jokes

Sardarni wrote a msg. to sardar:-
Ghar kab aa rahe ho. msg. karke batao.
Sardar sent msg. to her:- Nahi bata sakta msg. free nahi h.

Sardar aur kutta hindi sms joke

 
1 Sardar ne apni car ke niche kutte
ko leta hua dekha to kutte ko 1 dum se kheecha aur kha:- Bhar nikal bada aaya mechanical engineer banne.

Sardar aur chor hindi sms joke

1 Sardar ke ghar chor aa gya.
Sardar ne dekha to chor bhaga sardar uske piche bhaga aur bhagte-2 chor se bhi aage nikal gya or bola:- 1 to chori uper se humse race.

Sardar aur uski girlfriend hindi sms joke

Sardar ki G.F. romantic mood me:-
Aaj mere ghar koi nahi h, aa jao.
Sardar:- Pagal tu mere ghar aaja,
yahan hum saare h, tera dil lag jayga.

Sardar ji and his poor english joke

Sardar office ja raha tha, Patni pyaar se boli:- See u in the evening.
Sardar gusse se:- Dhamki kise de rahi h, main bhi tujhe dekh loonga.

Sardar ji went for marriage proposal hindi sms joke

Sardar kisi ladki ke ghar rista le kar gaya ladki ke maa baap bole humari beti abhi padh rahi h.
Sardar:- Koi baat nahi hum 1
ghante baad aa jayenge.

saradr dialed wrong number funny hindi text joke

Sardar ne 1 number dial kiya 1
ladki ne received. Sardar:- Hello kaun.
Girl:- Main Seeta.
Sardar:- O yaar ye to ayodhya lag gaya. Sorry Maate.

jatt khatri mulla and sardar joke in hindi

Jatt:- No if no but sirf jatt.
Khatri:- No topi no chatri sirf
khatri.
Mulla:- No gas no chulla sirf mulla.
Sardar:- No dalda no gheo punjabi sharea da peo.

Santa Banta funny hindi joke in LPG Queue:

Cylinder ki Lambi line dekh Santa gusse me bola - Abhi Sonia aur Manmohan ki Mar ke aata Hu.

Kuchh der baad wo wapas line me laga..

Banta ne puchha - Maar Di kya?

Santa - Waha Isse bhi Lambi Line Lagi hai...

15.
Sardar ki beti:- Papa kal aapke ghar se 1 member kam ho jaega.
Next day sardar ki beti bhag jati h.
Sardar:- Ladki ne kaam to galat kiya per thi wo jyotish.

17.
Sardar ke truck pe likha tha
"Chhotta Parivar, Sukhi Parivar"
msg. from "Rinku, Golu, Monu,
Ramu, Shamu, Sohan, Mohan, Tilu, Pinky de papa di gaddi".

19.
1 Bar sardar Rs. jama karne gya.
Officer:- Ye note fata hua h, dusra do.
Sardar:- Main apne A/c me jama kar rha hu, fata karu ya naya, Tujhe kya matlab h be.

20.
Sardar air hostess se:- Aapki shakal meri biwi se bahut milti h. Air hostess ne zordar thappad santa ke muh pe mara.
Sardar:- Kamal h. Aadat bhi wahi h.

21.
Sardar ne evrest pe dekha waha pe 1 baba gutka ragad raha tha.
Sardar:- Baba ye kya h.
Baba:- Masala.
Sardar:- Oh to Evrest masala aap hi banate ho.

22.
Pagal:- Tum muslim ho.
Sardar:- Nahi, main sardar hu.
Pagal:- Nahi, tum muslim ho.
Sardar (gusse me):- Haan, main muslim hu.
Pagal:- Lagte ho sardar ho.

23.
Sardar (Police station ja kar kahta h):- Mujhe phone par jaan se marne ki dhamki m il rhi h.
Inspector:- Koun de rha h.
Sardar:- BSNL wale, kehte h bill nahi bhara to kaat denge.

24.
1 Accident hua, bhut bheed ho gyi, sardar ko aage jane ka moka nahi mil rha tha. Clever sardar:- Hi. mera Bapu. Bheed ne raah di to kutta marra mila...

25.
Sardar ka sir phat gya.
Dr.:- Ye kaise hua.?
Sardar:- Main chappal se pathar tod raha tha. Mujhe 1 aadmi ne bola "Kabhi khopdi" ka istemal bhi kar liya kar.

26.
Sardar ko ek party ka invitation mila jisme likha tha only pink tie.
Sardar wahan gaya to usne dekha ke logo ne pant shirt bhi pehni thi... Hahaha

Motu nd Patlu Jokes

• Comedy Hindi Jokes
  Man: Bed majbut banana, Mere BETE ko BAHU k sath sona hai.
  Mistri: Aisa Majbut Bed banaunga SARA MOHALLA BAHU k sath SOEGA to bhi nahi tutega..!
  
  Beta: Papa apki shaadi ho gayi?
  Papa: Haan.
  Beta: Kis se hui?
  Papa: Bewkuf teri mummy se..
  Beta: Wah papa ghar me hi setting kar li.
  
  MAA-Beta Apple Khaoge,
  BETA-Nahi
  MAA-Beta Mengo Khaoge,
  BETA-Nahi
  MAA-Beta Orange Khaoge,
  BETA-Nahi
  MAA-Bilkul Baap Par Gaya Hai,
  Chappal Hi Khayega.
  
  Baith kar apni mehbuba ki zulfo k saye me aisa josh aaya,
  wah wah!
  Phir..
  phir..
  Usk Papa ne dekh liya aur I.C.U. me hosh aaya.
  
  Love Aur Arrange Marriage Me Kya Faraq He
  Love Marriage Me Aap Apni Girlfriend Se Shadi Karte Hai
  Aur
  Arrange Marriage Me
  Kisi Aur Ki
  
  Raja or Rani ne fix kiya ki ab baat Mobile se nhi Kabutar se karenge.1 din Rani ne bina khat k kabutar uda diya.Raja bola:
  Ye kya?
  Rani boli miss call yaar.
  
  Khud ko kar kanjoos itna ki..
  har sms bhejne se pehle,
  SERVICE CENTER wale khud call kar k puche..
  Bata sach me bhejna he ya galti se sent ho gaya tha.
  Comedy Hindi Jokes
  Ek murgi market gayi, aur dukaandar se boli, “ek anda dena.”
  Dukaandar bola, “sharm nahin aati, murgi hokar anda mangti ho.”
  Murgi boli, “mere pati ne kaha hai ki 3 rupyee ke ande ke liye
  apna figure kharab mat karo.”
  
  Ek aadmi bhagwaan se bola, “india se usa tak pakki sadak banwa dijiye.”
  Bhagwan bole, “mushkil hai kuch aur maang lo.” Aadmi bola,
  “To phir aap meri biwi ko samajhdaar aur aagyakari bana dijiye.”
  Bhagwan bole, “sadak single banana hai ya double.”
  
  Ek naye teacher ne ek bachche se poocha, “is pakshi ke pair dekho aur iska naam batao.
  ” Bachche ne kaha, “ pata nahin.” Teacher ne kaha, “ Tum fail ho gaye,batao tumhara naam batao.
  ” Bachche ne kaha “Mere pair dekho aur naam batao”.
  
  ek baar aadmi ne bhagwan se kaha,
  “aapne aurat ko itna sundar kyon banaya hai?”
  Bhagwan bole,”taki tum unse pyaar kar sako.”
  Aadmi bola, “ to phir unhe itna bevkoof kyon banaya hai?”
  bhagwan ne jawab diya, “taki wo tumse pyaar kar sake.”
  
  ek aadmi ke paas uske doctor ka phone aaya.
  Docor ne kaha, “Mere pass tumhe sunane ke liye ek achchi khabar hai,
  aur ek buri khabar hai.pahle kya sunoge?”
  aadmi bola, “pahle mujhe achchi khabar suna do.”
  Doctor bola, “good news hai ki tumhe marne me 24 ghante baaki hain.”
  Aadmi bola, “oh no, aur buri khabar kya hai?”
  Doctor bola,”buri khabar ye hai ki ye khabar sunanae ke liye
  main tumhe kal phone karna bhool gaya.”
  
  Chota baby- mummy raat ko jab me susu karne gaya to bathroom
  Ki light jal gayi,
  Mummy- haramjade tu aaj fir freeze me susu kar aaya…!!
  
  Teacher:-MotorCycle k Kitne Tyers Hote hai?
  Smart Santa:- 6 Tyre
  Teacher(Gusse se): How?
  Santa:- 4 Motor k 2 Cycle k!G.M.
  
  College ke first day; Ladka: Tumhara naam kya hai? Ladki: Mujhe sab didi kehte hai.. Ladka: WOW MUJHE SAB JIJAJI KEHTE HAIN!
  
  Teacher- Bataao bachcho jo galat kaam karte hain wo kaha jate hain??
  Student- sharmate huye bola sir..
  Manuabhaan tekri, EKAANT park, Chinar park, MAYUR park...
  Hindi Jokes
  Mareez:-doctor aap ye phoolo ki mala kyon laaye hain?
  Doctor:-ye mera pahla operation hai,agar safal hua to mere liye nahin to tuhare kaam aaegi.
  
  Maalik:-are raamu aaj tumne roti main kitna saare ghee laga diya..
  Naukar:-are saahab maaf karna shayad galti se maine apni roti aapko de di hai,
  
  Saahukaar:-tumne apne udhaar ke paise abhi tak nahin wapas kiye…
  chalo mamla beech main suljha lete hai…
  tumhare udhaar ka aadha paisa main bhoolne ke liye taiyaar hoon..
  Karzdaar:-manzoor:-baaki aadha main bhoolne ko taiyaar hoon.
  
  Ek ladka ek ladki ke saath baitha tha,
  doosre din doosri ladki ke saath baitha tha,
  teesre din teesri ladki ke saath baitha tha…
  is kahani se shiksha milti hai:-ladkiyan badal jaati hain,ladke nahin.
  
  Ek aadmi librarian se:-mujhe aatmhatya karni hai.kya aap mujhe aatmhatya per koi achchi book de sakte hain.
  Librarian:-nahin bilkul nahin,mujhe pata hai aap mujhe wo wapas nahin denge.
  
  Teacher:-bachcho kabhi sharab mat peena,jhooth mat bolna,kabhi nonveg mat khana,kabhi ladki ko mat chhedna.aur apne desh ke liye jaan de dena.
  Ek bachcha:-de denge sir,sala aisi zindagi se to marna achcha hai.
  
  Ek jagah sangeet ki mahfil chal rahi thi.ek gayak ne jaise hi gana gaya ,
  sab bole , “once more”.gayak ne gana phir suna diya. Sab log phir se bole ,
  “once more”.gayak nephir se ganae suna diya.abki baar phir sab bole ,
  “once more”.gayak ne kaha,”mere pyare sunne walo,
  main aapka mere liye pyaar samajhta hu,
  per meri bhi kuch maryada hai,main itni baar nahin ga sakta.”
  Tabhi mahfil main se ek aadmi bola,”jab tak tum thik se nahin gaaoge,
  tumko gana padega.”
  Comedy Jokes in Hindi
  teacher:-bahcho aaykar,bikrikar,bhoomikar se milta jolta koi aur shabd batao.
  bachcha:-sir ek nahin teen shabd sune hain,sunil gawaskar,sachin tendulkar aur dilip vangaskar.
  
  ek chhota bachcha doosre bachche se:-agar din ko suraj nahin nikala to kya hoga?
  doosra bachcha:-bijli ka bill bad jaaega.
  
  manager ne aanewale se poocha, "kya tumhe pata nahin ki aagya ke bina andar aana mana hai."
  aane wala, "janab, main aagya lene ke liye hi andar aaya hoon."
  
  adhyaapak:-bachcho batao ki doodh ko kharab hone se bachane ke liye kya karne chaahiye?
  sonu:-ji sir use pi lena chahiye.
  
  Ek aadmi:-kyon bachche yeh gend tumhari hai?
  Bachcha:- uncle kya isse koi sheesha toota hai?
  Aadmi:-nahin to..
  bachcha:- haan to phir meri hai.
  
  Naukraani:-malkin aap mujh per bekaar hi shak kar rahi hai,main aapko kaise samjhaau mujhe to shabd nahin mil rahe hai.
  Malkin:- tujhe shabd nahin mil rahe hain,aur mujhe 1 thaali,5 katori aur 2 drzan chammach nahin mil rahi hai.
  
  Ek padosan Ne Sunita Se Kaha:- are sunita gajab Ho Gaya.dekh to Pados Ki do Auraten teri Saas ki pitaai kar Rahi Hain.
  Sunita padosan Ke Sath chat per Aayi Aur chhupkar pitaai Dekhane Lagi. padosan Ne Pucha, Aap Madad Karane Nahi Jayengi ?
  Sunita - Nahi nahin do Hi bahot Hain
  Hilarious Hindi Jokes
  Teacher:-batao baad aur sukhe main kya fark hai?
  Mantra ka beta:- sir zamin aasmaan ka.
  Teacher:-batao who kaise?
  Mantra ka beta:- sir, sukhe main mere papa jeep se daura karte hain aur baad main helicopter main.
  
  Ek aalsi se uske dost ne kaha:-suna hai tum faoj main bharti hone ja rahe ho.
  Aalsi Dost:-are nahin,mujhe to ye bhi nahin pata ki badook ka muh kidhar karna hai?
  Pehla dost:-koi baat nahin, kahin bhi rakhoge, desh ka bhala hi hoga.
  
  Do abhinetao ke bachche aapas main baat kar rahe the.
  Pahle bachcha:-pata hai,mere papa kal nai mummy laye hain ,wo bahot achchi hai.
  Doosra bachcha:- pata hai pata hai, pichle saal who meri mummy reh chuki hain.
  
  Pahli ladki:- maine faisla kiya hai jab tak main 25 saal ki nahin ho jaati main shaadi nahin karungi.
  Doosri ladki:-aur maine faisla kiya hai jab tak main shaadi nahin kar leti 25 ki nahin houngi.
  
  Traffic police:tumhara scooter itna uchhal kyon raha hai?
  Scooter chaalak:-huzur, scooter nahin uchhal raha hai. Mujhe hichkiyaan aa rahi hain.
  
  Judge:-pichi baar bhi tum 500 rupyee churaane ke ilzaam main pakde gaye the.
  Chor:-huzur,500 rupyee s kitne din kaam chalaya ja sakta hai?
  
  Student:-sir, kya aap mujhe us kaam ke liye bhi saza denge jo main nahin kiya hai?
  Adhyapak:-nahin nahin,bilkul nahin.
  Student:-sir, maine aaj ka homework nahin kiya hai.
  
  Mareez:-doctor ,mujhe ek serious bimari hai,main jo kuch bhi bolta hoon bhool jata hoon.
  Doctor:-aapko ye bimaari kab se hai?
  Mareez:-kaun si bimaari?
  
  Ek aurat:-jab tumhara talak hua tha tab to tumhara ek hi bachcha tha.ab 3 kaise?
  Doosri:-who kabhi kabhi maafi mangne aa jate the.
  
  Funny Comedy Jokes in Hindi
  Wo konsa 1 mazak he Jo salo pehle b studnts karte the,
  aaj b karte hai or qayamat tak karte rahenge
  ?
  ?
  Bahut masti ho gayi yar
  ab Kal Se Seriously Padai karnge
  
  Ek Murgi Market Gayi aur..
  Kaha- Ek Anda Dena..
  Dukandar-Tum Anday Ka Kya Karogi??
  Murgi- Mere Husband Ne Kaha 2Rs. Ke Liye Apna Figure Kharab Mat Karo.
  
  Teacher-tum bde hoker kya karoge
  Student-shadi..
  Teacher-nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge
  Student-dulha..
  Teacher-oho,i mean bade hoker kya hasil karoge
  student-dulhan!
  
  1 dukhi Aadmi bola-Aisi zindagi se maut achi.
  Achnak Yamdut aaya aur bola-"Tumhari jaan lene ka hukm h"
  Aadmi-Lo Batao,
  Ab Insan Mazak b nahi kar sakta.
  
  PITA:AGAR TU IS BAAR BHI FAIL HO GAYA TO MUJHE PITA MAT KEHNA.
  KUCH DIN BAD
  PITA:KYA HUA TERE RESULT KA?
  SON:SORRY YAAR RAM PRASAD MAI FAIL HO GAYA.
  Hindi Funny Comedy Jokes
  Bahut der k baad train chali.Muslim bola_ya Ali ! Hindu bola_ jai bajrang bali.Ek sardar bola_kya Ali,Kya Bali?Ullu k pattho, Train to baju wali Chali
  
  1 shrabi roz SHIV mandir pe sir tekta tha.
  1 din pujaari ne SHIV ke jagah GANESH murti rakhi,
  Shraabi aya dekha bola- Chhotu papa se bolna main aya tha.
  
  Premika: Aisa Letter Likh Sajna, Meri Umar Beet Jaye Padhne Me....
  Premi:(!=!0!>XE~?1!!:E'&A?>#^^E"!$>,'>,'E=*?#:P(+>!*"@&= Le Padhle.....!
  
  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
  isme 1 missing hai
  find it...
  2 times padhte ho
  sharam nahi aati ?
  ABCD me 1 kaha aata hai?
  Hindi Comedy Jokes
  Old : pehla pehla pyar hai, aayi bahar hai, aaja more sajan tera
  Intazar hai.
  New : Duja teja pyar hai, dil bekarar hai, aaja mere sajana verna
  Chautha taiyaar hai…!
  
  Boy- Bus,train or ladki ek jesi hoti hai,ek jati hai to dusri aa jati hai
  Girl- Taxi, Autoriksha or ladke ek jaise hote hai, ek bulao 4 chale
  Aate hai..!
  
  Ladka ladki ko dekhne gaya,
  unko baat krne k liye akele bitha diya
  girl-(darte hue)bhaiya aap kitne bhai-behen ho
  Boy-abhi tk to 3 the,ab 4 ho gye.
  
  Hindi Comedy Jokes
  Ladka : jaaneman is dil me chali aao
  Ladki : chapal nikali kya?
  Ladka : pagli, ye koi mandir nahi hai, aise hi aa jao.
  
  Chayewala – bholi si surat aankho me masti dur khadi sarmaye haye haye!!
  Ladki- kali si surat hatho me ketli dur khade chilaye chaye-chaye
  
  Babu apni girlfriend se- darling kal ghar par aa jana koi bhi nahi hoga!
  Jab ladki ghar par aati hai to sachmuch koi nahi tha.
  
  Ladka- kya me tumhara hath tham lu?
  Ladki – No thanks ! ye itna bhari nahi he!!
  
  Kutte………kaminey………..matlabi………….dhokebaaz……….
  Ullu ke pathe………besharam……..baimaan……….kapti………
  Aise logo se hamesha door rehna !!
  
  Bilu MC ki hotal me- are bhai kab se wait kar raha hu,
  Khana abhi tak nahi aaya?
  Mc – sar khana to char din se bana rakha hai bas garam ho raha hai!!
  
  Pitaji:- itne kam no. ? do thapad marne chahiye!
  Tinku:- ha papa,chalo maine us mastarji ka ghar dekha hai!!
  
  Teacher – bolo A for Apple ,
  Student – A for apple,
  Teacher – jor se bolo,
  Student – jai mata dee!!
  
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
  Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
  He he he he he he he he he he he ……
  Kuch nahi bas tumhari sakal yaad aa gayi….
  Ha ha ha ha ha!!
  
  Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
  A. jab koi ladki shaadi se pehle pregnant ho jaye, aur uski maa
  Kahe “hey bhagwan ye tune kya kiya”.
  
  Maine tujhe dekha…dekhta hi gaya…dekhta hi gaya…..
  Aur fir…ek din mujhe…
  ….Chashma…lag gaya!!

Pappu Jokes Hindi

Ek baar 3 chor Pappu, Badde aur Chotte police se chup ke 3 boriyon me ghus gaye!
Police wala aya, usne pehli bori mein laat mari!
Pappu bola: BHOW-BHOW!
Police waala: kutta hai
Dusri bori mein laat mari!
Badde bola: Meooowwww
Police wala: Billi hai
Teesri bori mein laat mari
koi awaaz nai ayi!
Fir mari, koi awaz nai!
20-25 laat maari to andar se Chotte chillaya!
Abe Saale, AALU hu!
........................................................................
Ek aadmi pepsi saamne rakh ke udas betha tha.
Dost aaya pepsi Pee kar bola: kyun udaas hai?
Aadmi: Aaj to din hi kharab hai,
Subah Biwi se jhagda ho gaya,
Raste mein car kharab,
Office late, Boss ne nokri se nikal dia,

Ab suicide ke liye Pepsi mein zahar milaya tha.
Wo bhi tu pi gya..
........................................................................
952 boys heart attack se mar gaye
531 ne suicide kar Le
371 boys Behosh ho Gaye,
Reason: kisi Kamini ne afwa faila di ki “NEHA” ki shaadi ho gayi.
........................................................................
Ladki ki Shaadi me Uska Puraana BOYFRIEND bhi aaya tha
Sabhi ne usse pucha: Kya aap hi Dulhe ho..
Boyfriend: Nhai main to Semi Final mein out ho gya,
Final dekhne aaya hu.
........................................................................
Circus mein ladki ne sher ko kiss kiya to
Ring mastar ne kaha Aap mein se koi yeh kar sakta hai,
Santa- Zarur par pehle iss sher ko peeche hatao!
........................................................................
Boy & Girl Playing Ludo
Boy: Agar 1 se 5 me aya to I Kiss u
Grl: Wht? Acha or 6 Aya To
Boy: Kabi Ludo Nhi Kheli Kya 6 Aya To dubara meri bari
........................................................................
Maa- Beta, kya kar rahe ho..??
Beta- Padh raha hun ma..
Maa- Excellent..!!
Kya padh rahe Ho..??
Beta- Aapki hone wali bahu ke msgs!
........................................................................
1 Ladka Ladki ka picha ker raha tha
GIRL- Tumhe pata hai piche meri ma aa rahi hai,
BOY- Hum to khandani Aashik hai teri ma ke piche mera Baap bhi aa raha hai
.......................................................................
Maa- Beta, kya kar rahe ho..??
Beta- Padh raha hun ma..
Maa- Excellent..!!
Kya padh rahe Ho..??
Beta- Aapki hone wali bahu ke msgs!

Funny Pandit Jokes in Hindi

Pandit: Bhagwan, agar tum muje 100 rupe do, to 50 rupe main mandir me dunga.

Thodi dur ja k Pandit ko 50 rupye mil gaye. 

Funny Pandit: Wah Bhagwan, itna bhi bharosa nahi, apne paise pehle hi kat liye...

....................................................................

Ik raat bijli chali gayi.

Pandit: Kam se kam fan to chala do.

Panditani: Kar di na Panditon wali baat. Fan on karenge to candle nahi bujh jayegi...

....................................................................

Fakir To Santa: Aapke padosi ne pet bhar k khana khilaya he, Aap b kuch khilao.

Santa: Yeh lo HAJMOLA...

....................................................................

Santa: Yaar Ye Autometacily Kya Hota Hai 

Banta: Simple Yaar, Jab Koi Ganji Aurat Auto Me Baith K Jaye to Use bolte hai "Auto-Me-Takli"  

....................................................................

Santa ki patni Santa se boli aap hazaro me ek hai. Santa ne ek tappad mara aur bola baki 999
koun hai?

....................................................................

Banta: oye, tu to doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Santa: yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

....................................................................

Santa: Sir aap meri salary bada diyo, meri shaadi ho gayi hai.

Boss: Factory ke bahar hone wale dur-ghatna ke liye factory jimmedar nahin hotii.

....................................................................

Santa & his wife buy hot coffee in a shop.

Santa: Drink quickly... before it gets cold.

Wife: But why...

Santa: Hot coffee is for Rs.5 and cold coffee for Rs.10.

....................................................................

Mr Funny ko apna apna gadha bechna tha. Usne apne sare friends ko sms kiya:

Agr Tumhe Kabi Kisi Gadhey ki Zarurat ho to Mujhe Yaad Kar Lena!

....................................................................

Girlfriend to Boyfriend: Mera ladla, mera pyara, mera chhona, mera gugla. Muj se shadi karoge? Bolo baby, bolo na !

Funny Boyfriend: Tum mujhe propose kar rahi ho ya adopt ?

Santa Banta

Santa says: Duniya Ka hr
ek Insan Apne Paav Bhigoye Bina
Shyad Smundar Paar Kr Skta H,
Lekin Ankhe Bhigoe Bina
"Pyar" Nhi Kr Skta..
Aaj Santa Serious H. Plz..!...............
...................................................................................

Santa2Banta:
SANTA- maine Pichle 20 Saalo Me 1 Baat Note Ki Hai !!
Banta: Wo Kya?
Santa: Saala Jab Bhi Faatak Band Hote Hai
Tab Train Jaroor Aati Hai.

....................................................................................

Santa- tumne itne chhote-Chhote baal Q katwaye?


Banta- naai ke paas 3 rupye khulle nahin the, to main bola 3 rupay ke aur kaat de.....

....................................................................................

Bhikari: kuch khane ko Dedo.
SANTA - TAMATAR KHAO
Bikari - roti dedo
Santa - TAMATAR KHAO
Bikari -l ao tamatar hi do
Santa ki Mumy - ye totla h,keh rha h,
KAMAKAR khao.

....................................................................................

45 saal ka SANTA ladki dekhne gya, Ladki ki Maa behosh ho gyi, Hosh aya to pucha KYA HUA.?



boli-18saal pehle ye muje b dekhne aya tha.:-D

....................................................................................

SANTA- Aaj kal zyada bachche judwa kyo paida hote hai?


BANTA-Desh me itna AATANKWAAD badh gaya hai ke bachche akele aane se darte hai.

....................................................................................

Chota sardar:Main is shart par jata hun k tum mere ane tak samose nahi khao ge
Dono ne kaha thik hai
1 din guzar gaya sardar ni aya
2 din guzr gaye
2no ne socha k ab samose kha lne chahye

Husband Wife Jokes

Advocate:Talak Karvane K Rs10,000 Lagenge.
Husband:Pagal Ho Kya?Pandit Ne Rs 101 Me Shadi Karvai Thi.
Advocat:Dekh Liya Na Saste Ka Natija.

................................................................... 

Pati patni mandir main!
Pati-tumne kya manga?
Patni-Ki aap aur main saat janam saath rahe.
Patni-Aur aapne.
Pati-Ye mera saatwa janam ho 

................................................................... 

1st Friend : My wife converted me toreligion.

2nd Friend : Really?

1st Friend : Yes. Until I married her I didnt believe in hell. 

................................................................... 

Wife:

India jao to saarhee bhejna,

Dubai jao to jewelry,

France jao to perfume!!


Husband ne jal ke kaha,

Or dozakh jaon to kia bhejon?


Wife:

APNI VIDEO 

................................................................... 

Patni – Collage ke bare me tumhara koi bura anubhav hai?
Pati – Han, Tumhari aur meri paheli mulakat college me he to hui thi. 

................................................................... 

Patni:- main tumse jo kuch bhi kahti hu tum ek kaan se sunkar doosre se nikaal dete ho.
Pati:-aur main tumse kuch bhi kahta hu to tum dono kaan se sunkar muh se nikaal deti ho. 

................................................................... 

Pati:-main jeevan main aaj jo kuch bhi bana hoon,apne aap bana hoon.
Patni:-lo, main aaj tak bekar hi bhagwaan ko kosti rahi. 

................................................................... 

Patni:-kyon jab main moti hojaaungi,tab bhi tum mujhe aise hi pyaar karoge?
Pati:-bilkul nahin, maine sirf such dukh main saath dene ka vaada kiya tha. 

................................................................... 

pati: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain.
patni: Kyonji ! kya Aapke dost chura lenge?
pati: are Nahin, who apna saaman pehchaan lenge.  

................................................................... 

patni: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
pati: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gayi ho.
patni: Main to maa banne wali hoon!
pati: Main bhi to baap banne wala hoon

................................................................... 

Patni: -suno ji,aapko mujhme kya achcha lagta hai. meri samajhdari ya meri beauty.
pati: -mujhe to tumhari ye mazak karne ki aadat bahot pasand hai. 

................................................................... 

Pati :- main tumhare saath kuch bhi share kar sakta hu.
Patni:-chalo phir bank account se start karte hain. 

................................................................... 

Pati:-mere mrne ke baad tumhe mere jaisa doosra aadmi nahin milega.
Patni:- tumhe kisne keh diya, ki main doosra aadmi tumhare jaisa chahti hoon. 

................................................................... 

Pati:-mere mrne ke baad tumhe mere jaisa doosra aadmi nahin milega.
Patni:- tumhe kisne keh diya, ki main doosra aadmi tumhare jaisa chahti hoon. 

................................................................... 

Husband wife ki godi me leta hua tha,
Wife – kesa lag raha he ji?
Husband- jese visnu bhagwan shesnaag ki god me lete ho. 

................................................................... 

kya larki thi... Shohar: Kal mere khuab main ek larki aai thi, Wah! kya larki thi. Bibi: Akeli he aai hogi? Shohar: Tumko kese pata: Bibi: Uska husband mere khuab main tha

................................................................... 

Pyar b ajab shay he

Maa se payar hota hai to Ebadat
Baap se payar hota hai  to Muqadas
Bhai se payar hota hai  to Aqidat
Didi  se payar hota hai ho to Farz
&
Wife  se payar  hota hai  to
sab kehte hen k SALA BIWI ka GHULAM H     hain 

very funny sardar jokes

पंजाब रोडवेज की बस 
जा रही थी...!!!
कंडक्टर -: कहाँ जाना है...??
.
पाकिस्तानी -: अमृतसर 
जाना है...!!
.
साथ में बैठे सरदार ने पाकिस्तानी को जोर
से थप्पड़ 
मारा
"तू श्री अमृतसर साहिब नही बोल सकता क्या....???"
.
.
कंडक्टर 
(दूसरे पाकिस्तानी से) -: तुम्हें
कहाँ जाना है.....???
.
पाकिस्तानी डर 
के मारे बोला
"श्री चण्डीगढ़ साहिब जाना है....!!!"
.
सरदार (थप्पड़ मार 
कर) -:
"क्या वहाँ तेरे बाप की शहीदी हुई थी जो साहिब लगा रहा 
है......????"
.
.
कंडक्टर (तीसरे पाकिस्तानी से) -: तुम्हें कहाँ जाना 
है...????"
.
पाकिस्तानी -: ये लो पैसे और पूछ सरदार से 
लो......!!!!!
.
सरदार (थप्पड़ मार कर) बोला -:
सरदार के साथ 'जी' क्या 
तेरा बाप लगाएगा....?? 

.........................................................


अंग्रेजो का एक महीने 
का त्योहार चल रहा था, जिसमे वो NON VEG नही खाते थे. उनके मोहल्ले मे एक सरदार 
रहता था, जो हर रोज चिकन बनाकर खाता था. 
चिकन की खुशबू से परेशान होकर अंग्रेजो 
ने ... अपने पादरी से शिकायत की. पादरी ने सरदार जी को कहा तुम भी ईसाई धर्म 
स्वीकार कर लो, जिससे किसी को आपसे कोई समस्या ना हो.
हमारे सरदार जी मान गए. तो 
पादरी ने सरदार जी पर Holy water छिडकते हुए कहा “You born as a “SIKH” now you are 
a “Christian”
अगले दिन फिर सरदार जी के घर से चिकन की खुशबूआई तो सब अंग्रेजो 
ने पादरी से उसकी फिर शिकायत की.
अब पादरी अंग्रेजो को साथ लेकर सरदार जी के घर 
मे गए तो देखा, सरदार जी चिकन पर Holy Water छिडक रहे थे
और कह रहे थे, “You 
born as “Chicken” but now you are “Potato”

सरदार जी तुसी ग्रेट हो... 
SINGH IS KING.....!!!!!! 


.........................................................


Taxi Wala: Sir 
sorry.Main meter chalu karna bhul gaya.
Sardarji: Oye praji koi gal nahi main 
bhi apna batua ghar bhul gaya hu. 


.........................................................


Nurse-Mubarak Ho Aap 
k Ghar Beta Paida Hua He.
Sardar-o terii.. Kya Technology He Biwi Meri 
Hospital Me He Aur

Bachcha Mere Ghar Paida huwa He.. 


.........................................................


Sardar in hotel:"m 
yha nhi rahunga.Mere paise wapas karo.

itna chota room..!
Mujhe jaanwr 
samjha h kya?"
.
Waiter: 
"Mere baap, room me chal 
.
ye lift he! 



.........................................................


After Death Sardar 
goes 2 heaven,

God- bol kya chahiye

Sardar- mujhe acchi ladki dila 
do.

God Dila dunga,

agar tu muslim hai to KATRINA 
KAIF,

Hindu hai to BIPASHA BASU or

christain hai to 
GENELIYA!

Bol, tera naam kya hai?

Sardar-"Abdul Tukaram D'souza". 



.........................................................


सरदार को एक लावासिर 
बंद मिला वो उसे पुलिस स्टेशन ले गया, 
इंस्पेक्टर ने कहा इसके जू ले 
जाओ,
दूसरे दिन इंस्पेक्टर ने सरदार को बंदर के साथ बस स्टाप पर देखा, पूछा - 
इसे जू लेकर नहीं गए - 
सरदार ने कहा, कल गया था । खूब घूमे बडा मजा आया । आज 
कुतुब मीनार जा रहे हैं ।। 


.........................................................


Sardar ko Chand par 
bhejne ka Faisla hua. . . . . 
Aadhe raste jakar Papu Rocket se kud gaya aur 
chillaya : dhoka hua, Kamino dhoka Aaj to Amawas hai, Chand to hoga hi nai. :-D 



.........................................................


Sardarji lost his 
cheque book. He approached bank manager and informed manager regarding 
it.

Manager : You should have taken care as any one can sign your cheque 
on ur behalf and empty your deposits.

Sardarji : How can others sign? I 
am not a fool. I have already signed all the cheques. 


.........................................................


Sardar shampoo sir k 
sath kandho par bhi lga rha tha 
wife ne pucha-kandho pe shampoo kyo lga rhe 
ho..?
Sardar-ye koi aam shampoo nai hai ye HEAD & SHOULD(.....) 

Funny Jokes

Shaadi ki party mein DJ ne puchha: kab tak bajaana hai
Santa: 8-10 peg tak baja lo
uske baad toh hum sab generator ki awaz par bhi naach lenge.
**********************************************
In exam hall a girl to santa:
Mujhe bas is ans ki starting bata do baki main likh lungi.
SANTA ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha,fir dhire se bola:
“The”
**********************************************
Exams ke ek din pehle mujhe hosh aaya
socha meine bohot aur cheating karne ka plan banaya
bathroom mein kardi meine cheating ki setting
aur ab bus karni thi mujhe bathroom jane ki acting
Exam paper dekh ke meri ankhon ke aage andhera chaya
kia bataon paper tha physics aur mein chemistry le aaya.
**********************************************
Paper de de ker Dimagh aisa ho gya hai
Mummy Pochtin hai khane mein kua dun?
To Me Kehta Hun Section-B se kuch bhi de do.
**********************************************
Ek din ek ladka apne dost se bola:
University se mera result check kar ke aa ke batao!
Magar yaad rahe, mere saath abba hongey!
Agar main ek subject me fail ho gaya to kehna ke:
ek momin ki taraf se salaam.
Agar 2 mein fail ho gaya to kehna ke:
2 musalmaan bhaiyon k taraf se salam!

Dost university se result dekh ke aaya or bola..
Tamaam Ummat-e-muslimeen O Muslimaat ki taraf se salaam! 
**********************************************
Exam + Rowdy Rathore
.
.
.
Jo main padhta hu wo main likhta hoon..
.
.
aur..
.
.
Jo main nahi padhta wo main definitely likhta hoon..!!
**********************************************
Mat chhino college ke baccho se mobile,
ye akele rehne se darte hai,
le lo exam bhi FACEBOOK par..
kyun ki ye ek hi chiz to hai jo mann lagakar use krte hae.
**********************************************
Syllabus- 80GB
We study- 80MB
Retains in mind- 80KB
Write in exam- 80Bytes
Result cums in binary digits
i.e.
00
01
10
11
Kya life hai hamari?
**********************************************
Kehdo un parhne walon se,
Kabhi hum bhi parha kertay thay,
Jitna syllabus parh k wo top kertay hain,
Utna to hum choice per chor dia kertay they,

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa says: Duniya Ka hr
ek Insan Apne Paav Bhigoye Bina
Shyad Smundar Paar Kr Skta H,
Lekin Ankhe Bhigoe Bina
"Pyar" Nhi Kr Skta..
Aaj Santa Serious H. Plz..
.......................................................................

Santa2Banta:
SANTA- maine Pichle 20 Saalo Me 1 Baat Note Ki Hai !!
Banta: Wo Kya?
Santa: Saala Jab Bhi Faatak Band Hote Hai
Tab Train Jaroor Aati Hai.

.......................................................................

Santa- tumne itne chhote-Chhote baal Q katwaye?


Banta- naai ke paas 3 rupye khulle nahin the, to main bola 3 rupay ke aur kaat de.....

.......................................................................

Bhikari: kuch khane ko Dedo.
SANTA - TAMATAR KHAO
Bikari - roti dedo
Santa - TAMATAR KHAO
Bikari -l ao tamatar hi do
Santa ki Mumy - ye totla h,keh rha h,
KAMAKAR khao.

.......................................................................

45 saal ka SANTA ladki dekhne gya, Ladki ki Maa behosh ho gyi, Hosh aya to pucha KYA HUA.?



boli-18saal pehle ye muje b dekhne aya tha.:-D

.......................................................................

SANTA- Aaj kal zyada bachche judwa kyo paida hote hai?


BANTA-Desh me itna AATANKWAAD badh gaya hai ke bachche akele aane se darte hai.

.......................................................................

Santa Qabristan Me Charas Pi Raha Tha

Police=Kya Kar Rahe Ho ?

Santa=Abbu K Liye Dua,
Police=Ye To Bachche Ki Qabr Hai

Santa=Abbu Bachpan Me Hi Mar Gaye The.

.......................................................................

Chota sardar:Main is shart par jata hun k tum mere ane tak samose nahi khao ge
Dono ne kaha thik hai
1 din guzar gaya sardar ni aya
2 din guzr gaye
2no ne socha k ab samose kha lne chahye

Jaise hi samosa uthaya chota sardar ped k peche se nikal k bola....

Aisa karo ge to main nahi jauga.

.......................................................................

Santa Ne Car Se 4Logo Ko
Daba Diya
Judge-Tumne Sarab V Nai Pi Thi Fir V Ye Q kiya?
Santa-Sir
IDEA Walo Ne Kha Tha Ki
Is Gaane K Liye 4Dabaye

Hindi Jokes

Santa-agar tumhe 1 lakh mil jaye to kya kroge
Banta-to mai khusi se pagal ho jaunga aur zindgi bhar apna treatment karaunga..

........................................................................ 

[after marriage]
Santa-oye, bhabi ka kya nam hai?


banta-google kaur!

santa-aisa kyu?

banta-sawal ek oucho jawab 10 milta hai.

........................................................................ 

Boy-I Love u
Girl ne boy se pucha main bhi tumse i love u kahu to kya karoge
Boy- khushi se mar jaaunga
Girl- ja pagle nahi kehti
JEE Le apni zindgi... 

........................................................................ 

ADVOCATE KI Biwi:Aap T.V aur Freez Kab Laoge?
ADVOCATE:Court Me Talak Ka 1Case H
Wo Solve Hote Hi Unka Ghar Ujdega aur T.V Freez Aa Jyega 

........................................................................ 

Munna: Ye sala College ka fullform kya hota hai?
Circuit: Apun ko malum hai na bhai

C-Come
O-On
L-Lets
L-Love
E-Every
G-Girl
E- Everyday 

........................................................................ 

PINKY: Ye Tumhe Kya Sujh Gaya Ki..
Tumne Kutta Paal Liya?
PADOSAN:Taaki Logo Ko Pata Na Chal Sake Ki..
Kaun Bhauk Raha Hai. 

........................................................................ 

Kashmir ki Wadiyon me
Barfili hawaon main
jhil k kinare bethe
RANJHA ko
HEER ne kia kaha??
?

"ULLU K PATHE"
HERO mat bn
Sweater Pehen Le Sale Mar Thand Lag jau gi

........................................................................ 

Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he? 

........................................................................ 

Arz kiya hai:
Bahaar aane se pehle fiza aa gayi,
ki bahaar aane se pehle fize aa gayi,
Aur phool khilne se pehle.....
.... bakri kha gayi 

........................................................................ 

Banta: Santa, itna udhaas kyu baita hai?
Santa: yaar betting mein maine 2000 gavaa diyaa :-(
Banta: kaise?
Santa: India pe 1000 rupaiye ka bet lagaaya tha aur India ne match haar gaya
Banta: lekin 2000 kaise?
Santa: aaj us match ka highlights daale. India pe ummeed rakh ke phir 1000 dala tha. 

Lalu Jokes

Lawyer to Lalu: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Funny Lalu : "Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"
..........................................................................................

Laloo: Beta ye kaisi machis laaye ho. Sasura ek bhi teeli nahi jal rahi.
Funny Son: Kya baat kartay ho papa sab ki sab check kar kay laya hoon.

..........................................................................................

Barkha Dutt: Laloo Ji, hamare desh mein divorce ke cases badte hi ja rahe hain. Aapko kya sochte ho, iska main karan kya hai.
Funny Laloo: Shaadi.
enge.” 

..........................................................................................

Funny Laloo ji 18 guards ko le kar film dekhne jate hain. Pucho to kiyun?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

..........................................................................................

Watch aur Wife me kya farak hota hai?

Funny Laloo: Watch bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai. Wifei bigadati hai to shuru ho jati hai.

..........................................................................................

Ik bar Laloo ji sykil chala rahe the, ke achanak sykil Ik girl se takra gayi 

Girl shouted: Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!

Funny Laloo: Behanji, poori sykil to maar di, ab ghanti alag se maroon ?

..........................................................................................

Mayawati apne friend Lalu ke ghar GOAT le ke jati hai..
Lalu: E Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho ? 
Mayawati: Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai
Funny Lalu: Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

..........................................................................................

Train me laloo ne apna trunk upar samaan rakhne vali jagah par rakh diya. Neeche Mayavati baithi thi.
Mayawati: Lalooji, apna samman kahi or rakho, mere sirr pe gir jaega.
Funny Lalu: Koi baat nahi behanji, iss me tutne vali koi cheez nahi hai.

..........................................................................................

Lalu Prasad Yadav ka funny beta 1000 Watt ke bulb par Lalu Yadav ka naam likh raha tha.

Lalu Yadav: Bitwa, e ka kart ho?

Funny Beta: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

Funny Sardar Jokes Collection 14 July 2013

1.
Dr.:- Aapke 3 daant kaise tut
gaye..?
Sardar:- Ji wo wife ne kadak roti banai thi.
Dr.:- To khane se mana kar dete.
Sardar:- Ji wo hi to kiya tha...

2.
Sardar got an sms from his
Girlfriend written as "I Miss You".
Sardar ne apna dimag laga ke 2 ghante baad reply bheja "I Mr.You".

3.
Sardar ne 1 raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha:- Aapne pehchana mujhe ko.
Ladki:- Nahi aap koun ho..?
Sardar:- Main wahi hu jisko aapne
parso bhi nahi pehchana tha.

4. Sardar math ke paper me dance kar raha tha.
Kisi ne pocha ye kya kar rahe ho..?
Sardar:- Yaar mere sir ne kaha tha ke her step ke no. hote h.

5.
Sardar Bill gates se:- Tum pagal ho.
Bill:- Why..?
Sardar:- Tumhara surname Gates h aur business tum Windows ka karte ho.

6.
Sardarni wrote a msg. to sardar:-
Ghar kab aa rahe ho. msg. karke batao.
Sardar sent msg. to her:- Nahi bata sakta msg. free nahi h.

7.
1 Sardar ne apni car ke niche kutte
ko leta hua dekha to kutte ko 1 dum se kheecha aur kha:- Bhar nikal bada aaya mechanical engineer banne.

8.
1 Sardar ke ghar chor aa gya.
Sardar ne dekha to chor bhaga sardar uske piche bhaga aur bhagte-2 chor se bhi aage nikal gya or bola:- 1 to chori uper se humse race.

9.
Sardar ki G.F. romantic mood me:-
Aaj mere ghar koi nahi h, aa jao.
Sardar:- Pagal tu mere ghar aaja,
yahan hum saare h, tera dil lag jayga.

10.
Sardar office ja raha tha, Patni pyaar se boli:- See u in the evening.
Sardar gusse se:- Dhamki kise de rahi h, main bhi tujhe dekh loonga.

11.
Sardar kisi ladki ke ghar rista le kar gaya ladki ke maa baap bole humari beti abhi padh rahi h.
Sardar:- Koi baat nahi hum 1
ghante baad aa jayenge.

12.
Sardar ne 1 number dial kiya 1
ladki ne received. Sardar:- Hello kaun.
Girl:- Main Seeta.
Sardar:- O yaar ye to ayodhya lag gaya. Sorry Maate.

14.
Public toilet me likha tha "Duniya chand pe pahuch gayi aur tu yahi baitha hai" Sardar niche likh ke aaya "Bas dho ke jaa raha hu".

15.
Sardar ki beti:- Papa kal aapke ghar se 1 member kam ho jaega.
Next day sardar ki beti bhag jati h.
Sardar:- Ladki ne kaam to galat kiya per thi wo jyotish.

16.
Sardar:- Express kitne baje h.
T.T:- 1 baje.
Sardar:- Local.
T.T:- 9 bje.
Sardar:- Aur maal gadi.
T.T:- 12 baje, Abe tuze jana kaha h.
Sardar:- Patri pe Potty karne.

17.
Sardar ke truck pe likha tha
"Chhotta Parivar, Sukhi Parivar"
msg. from "Rinku, Golu, Monu,
Ramu, Shamu, Sohan, Mohan, Tilu, Pinky de papa di gaddi".

18.
Teacher:- Batao sacha desh bhagt kaun hota h.
Sardar:- Jo enlish toilet seat par bhi Indian style me baithta ho.

19.
1 Bar sardar Rs. jama karne gya.
Officer:- Ye note fata hua h, dusra do.
Sardar:- Main apne A/c me jama kar rha hu, fata karu ya naya, Tujhe kya matlab h be.

20.
Sardar air hostess se:- Aapki shakal meri biwi se bahut milti h. Air hostess ne zordar thappad santa ke muh pe mara.
Sardar:- Kamal h. Aadat bhi wahi h.

21.
Sardar ne evrest pe dekha waha pe 1 baba gutka ragad raha tha.
Sardar:- Baba ye kya h.
Baba:- Masala.
Sardar:- Oh to Evrest masala aap hi banate ho.

22.
Pagal:- Tum muslim ho.
Sardar:- Nahi, main sardar hu.
Pagal:- Nahi, tum muslim ho.
Sardar (gusse me):- Haan, main muslim hu.
Pagal:- Lagte to sardar ho.

23.
Sardar (Police station ja kar kahta h):- Mujhe phone par jaan se marne ki dhamki mil rhi h.
Inspector:- Koun de rha h.
Sardar:- BSNL wale, kehte h bill nahi bhara to kaat denge.

25.
Sardar ka sir phat gya.
Dr.:- Ye kaise hua.?
Sardar:- Main chappal se pathar tod raha tha. Mujhe 1 aadmi ne bola "Kabhi khopdi" ka istemal bhi kar liya kar.

26.
Sardar ko ek party ka invitation mila jisme likha tha only pink tie.
Sardar wahan gaya to usne dekha ke logo ne pant shirt bhi pehni thi...

Sardar Jokes

Sardar: Bhagwan Chandigarh nu America di capital bana de. Plz plz plz…
Banta: Par kyun???

Sardar: Kyunki main paper vich ye hi likh aaya hun…..
...........................................................................................
Sardar Roz Apne Kitchen Mein Jata Aur Sugar Box Kholta Aur Band Kar Deta Tha!

Why?

Kyon Ke Doctor Ne Jo Kaha Tha Ke Apni Sugar Roz Check Karna... 
...........................................................................................
2sardar jungle me ja rha tha, Samne sher a gya 1 ne mitti uthai sher ki ankh me dal k bhagne lga.
2nd wahen khara rha

1st:abhey bhag

2nd: me q bhagon, mitti tune dali hai.. 
...........................................................................................
Sardar ji, apko logo ne kyon mara ?
Sardar: "arey yaar meri photo bus mein gir gai thi,
Maine kaha madam zara saari upar kijiye
Photo lena hai, bus�.." 
...........................................................................................
Ek sardar darwaze k bahir bandook liye khra tha, his wife askes him" y r u standing here". Sardar ji bole "sher k shikar pe ja raha hoon." wife : "to jaao na!" sardar ji : "kese jaoon bahar Kutta khada hain!" 
...........................................................................................
Sardar Ki Mah Ki Death Ho Gai,
Ek Saal Bad Sardar Ka Baap America Sa Wapis Aya, Us Na Poucha Teri Mah Kahan Ha,
Sardar Bola Wo To Pichlay Saal Hi Mar Gai Thi, Sardar Ka Bap Ronay Lga Or Bola Kuttay,
Kaminay To Tu Na Mujhay Btaya Q Nhi, Sardar Bola,



Me Na Socha Surprise Dun Ga...=P;->  
...........................................................................................
NURSE kept SARDAR�S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.
THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .
NURSE:y r u DANCING.
SARDAR:next is URINE TEST 
...........................................................................................
Sardar's Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read Santa Singh, B.A.
This Year It Reads Santa Singh, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Sardar: You Don't Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate "Bachelor Again".
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is "Married Again". . 
...........................................................................................

Sardarji was asked,
what is a adult joke?

Reply came
any joke which is eighteen years old. 

...........................................................................................

Sardar english k paper main fail ho gaya,
He did translation:

1.Main aam admi nahi hon
I�m not a mango man

2.Sarda or garma fruit hain.
Colda & hota r fruits

3.Mujhey bhi english ati hay
English comes 2 me also

4.do ro do chaar.
give and give four.

5.Mera taluk hari pur hazara se hay
I belong 2 green pur thousanda:) 

...........................................................................................
 sardar had a child after 3 month of marriage.
He asked his wife ye 3 month k bad bacha kaise howa?

Wife replied:tumhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?
sardar:3 months.

Wife: or meri shadi ko?
Sardar: 3 months

Wife: or bacha kitne month k baad?
Sardar:3 month.

Wife: total kitne hue?
Sardar: oye 9 months & start dancing
Balle Balle;->