Srdar Jokes

पंजाब रोडवेज की बस जा रही थी...!!!
कंडक्टर -: कहाँ जाना है...??
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पाकिस्तानी -: अमृतसर जाना है...!!
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साथ में बैठे सरदार ने पाकिस्तानी को जोर
से थप्पड़ मारा
"तू श्री अमृतसर साहिब नही बोल सकता क्या....???"
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कंडक्टर (दूसरे पाकिस्तानी से) -: तुम्हें
कहाँ जाना है.....???
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पाकिस्तानी डर के मारे बोला
"श्री चण्डीगढ़ साहिब जाना है....!!!"
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सरदार (थप्पड़ मार कर) -:
"क्या वहाँ तेरे बाप की शहीदी हुई थी जो साहिब लगा रहा है......????"
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कंडक्टर (तीसरे पाकिस्तानी से) -: तुम्हें कहाँ जाना है...????"
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पाकिस्तानी -: ये लो पैसे और पूछ सरदार से लो......!!!!!
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सरदार (थप्पड़ मार कर) बोला -:
सरदार के साथ 'जी' क्या तेरा बाप लगाएगा....??

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अंग्रेजो का एक महीने का त्योहार चल रहा था, जिसमे वो NON VEG नही खाते थे. उनके मोहल्ले मे एक सरदार रहता था, जो हर रोज चिकन बनाकर खाता था.
चिकन की खुशबू से परेशान होकर अंग्रेजो ने ... अपने पादरी से शिकायत की. पादरी ने सरदार जी को कहा तुम भी ईसाई धर्म स्वीकार कर लो, जिससे किसी को आपसे कोई समस्या ना हो.
हमारे सरदार जी मान गए. तो पादरी ने सरदार जी पर Holy water छिडकते हुए कहा “You born as a “SIKH” now you are a “Christian”
अगले दिन फिर सरदार जी के घर से चिकन की खुशबूआई तो सब अंग्रेजो ने पादरी से उसकी फिर शिकायत की.
अब पादरी अंग्रेजो को साथ लेकर सरदार जी के घर मे गए तो देखा, सरदार जी चिकन पर Holy Water छिडक रहे थे
और कह रहे थे, “You born as “Chicken” but now you are “Potato”

सरदार जी तुसी ग्रेट हो... SINGH IS KING.....!!!!!!

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Ek train bohot time baad chali.

Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.

Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.

Funny Sardar kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!
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Sardarji lost his cheque book. He approached bank manager and informed manager regarding it.

Manager : You should have taken care as any one can sign your cheque on ur behalf and empty your deposits.

Sardarji : How can others sign? I am not a fool. I have already signed all the cheques.

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Bhikhari: Sahib ik rupaiya de do.

Sahib: Kal anna.

Funny Bhikhari: Iss kal kal ke chakkar mein iss colony mein mere lakhon rupaiye fasse hue hai!
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American: Hamare yahan shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.

Hindi Comedy man: Kamal hai hamare yahan to shaadi sirf female se hoti hai.

Ungli ka Sanket

Akbar badshah ke darbar mein ucch gharane kah ek badha dhanhin sardar rehta tha. Uski aajevika uparjan karne ke liye koi aisi naukri n thi. Jisse uska kharch bhali bhati chalta. Phir bhi yatha samay darbar mein jakar apne badho ke chalye niyam parmpara ka palan kiya karta tha. Weh dono darbar mein waqt se aaya aa jaye karte the. Badhi jhod thod karke ek jodha kapde isi kaam ke liye rakh choda tha. Darbar se fursat pane par ghar jakar chakki pisskar apni aajevika chelate tha. Siwa ek Jodi chakki ke uske pass aur kuch bhi dhan shesh n reh gaya. Aisi lachari ki dasha mein bhi sardar apne baad daado ka bnaya naiyam yatha Shakti todta nahi tha.
Ek din pisayi ka kaam bahut jyada tha jisse kaam vivashta ke karan lachar hokar darbar mein upastit n ho saka. Tanmeh hokar chakki chalata hi raha. Subh ke waqt badshah ki swari nikali aur miya sardar ke ghar ke pass se hokar chali. Sardar ka dhan jan sadhran grahest ki tarah kaccha aur ek manjil bana hua tha. Deewar me kahi jagah darar fat kar akasmat rah chalatuo ka dhyan apni taraf khichkar greh swami ka uphas kara raha tha. miya sardar chakki chalate chelate ghosa bhajna sunkar apne aangan se raja ki swari dekh rahe the. Achanak raja ki dristhi bhi sardar par ja padi. Raja ne sardar ko pehchan liya. Dusre din darbar mein upastit hone par raja ke mann mein miya sardar ke samband mein unki wartmaan halat ki vishesh jankari prapt karne ki iccha hui, mann ki baat mann hi mein dabakar khamosh reh gaye.

Kuch dino ke baad ek din phir badshah ko darbar badhe samaroh ke sath laga . miya sahib bhi aneh sardaro ki tarah saj–dhaj kar apne sthan par baithe hur the, hindu musalman sabhi darbari bhi yogytaanusar apne sthano par virajmaan the. Isi bich raja aakar sabha ke madhe ek sone ke sihasan par birajmaan hue. Baari baari sabki taraf dekhte hue raja ki dristhi un miya ji par padhi aur bhuli baat phir yaad aa gayi pehli baat puchne ke liye aaj phir unka mann chanchal ho utha, parantu vichar vinimeh ke samne haar manni padhi. Baat bhi sachi thi sabke samne kisi darbari ka parda pass karna raja ko shoba nahi deta tha. Miya darbari ne uss sanket ka tatpreh apne ghar samjhkar apne pet par ungli rakhte hue badshah ko dhiklaya. Badshah ki sabha luccho se khali nahi thi. Acchi baat par chahe unka dhyan bhale hi n jata, parantu aisi aisi baate to unki aankho par nacha karti thi. Kitno ne miya aur badshah ke uprokat sanket ko dekh liya tha. Bas unn ko lekar inke mann mein aneka parkar ke sankalp vikalp utne lage darbar khtam hote hi ek dhurt jakar miya sardar ji ka ghar dekh aaya. Dusre din kahi dusto ki mandala bana kar miya ji ke makan pa pahucha. Jaisa gresth ka dharm h miya ji ne sabko badhe aadar satkar ke sath baithaya. Aur thodi der ke baad chandal chokadi ke mukhiya ne miya ji se pucha mahaseh jo kal darbar ke waqt badshah ne aapse kya kaha tha? Weh sanketik baat hum logo ki samajh mein n aayi, hum use janne ke liye lalait h. miya sardar ke mann mein sandeh ho gaya unhone anuman lgaya ki badshah ki sanket karne se inn logo ke mann mein mere samband mein sandeh utpann ho gaya h. inko ullu banakar fasna chaiye. Usne utar diya bahut si baate kehne yoge nahi hoti, unka bhed khul jane se badha nuksan hota h.

Chandal chokadi ka mukhia aagrepurwak jor dekar puchne laga tab phir miya sardar ji bole dekho bhai badshah ne aap logo ki taraf ishara karke mujhse pucha tha. Ki inn logo ki koi baat jante ho, maine uss baat ko wahi rok kar apni ungli pet par rakh ishara kiya ki humare pet mein h. miya ji kip her badal ki baato ne chandal chaukadi ko ghabra diya aur sabne apne bahvishe ke bhalayi ke liye unn ko rishwat dene ka vishtar parkat kiya, parantu miya ji ki garden tedi ki tedi bani rahi. Sab ghar se hasiyat ke anusar koi 100 koi 200 aur 500 ko ghatri tak le aaye, miya ji maje mein palthi maarkar sab charitar dekh rahe the. We sab kapat murti apni apni bhet sardar ke kadmo par rakhkar bole-sardar ji kripa kar humari ye baate apne hi pet mein rakhna, kahi khulne n pave, hum ishi ke liye aap ki yahi bhet de rahe h, miya ji badhi gambirta se bole-ji aap logi ki yeh hi accha h to mein aisa hi karunga. Aap logo par ishwar parsann h jo kal ke sanket ki baate samjhkar pehle se hi hoshiyar ho gaye.

Chandal chakudi iss parkar ghus dekar waha se vida hui. Dusre din badshah seveh miya sardar ke pass gaye. Miya ji ne baadab salam kar badshah ko ek kursi par baithya phir ghus mein mili rakam unke samne rakhkar badhi kartgata parkat karne lage. Badshah uss garib ke ghar ekaek itna kafi drew kaha se aaya, miya ji muskurate hue bole: parthivinath kal aapne darbar mein jo mere liye sanket kiya we uske much se aur sari baate saaf sunna chahte the. Esliye pucha bhai yeh tu kaisi gol matol baate kar raha h. meri samjh mein kuch nahi aata. Miya sardar ne sara kissa keh sunaya. Badshah uski chalaki se ati parsahn hue. Aur ghus mein mila dhan usko dekar laut gaye. Dusre din wahi sardar ek khan pad par ni rakh liya gaya. Dusht darbariyo ka mann ekdum tut gaya, aur we phir kisi karmchari ka chindranveshan karte hue nahi suna.

© http://www.rdshayri.com/birbal/ungli_ka_sanket.php#ixzz3BNtQSBBn

Ishwar jo Karta h Acchayi ke Liye

Badshah aur birbal ek dafa jangal mein shikar khelne gaye the. Raste mein badshah ko asawdhani se koi paina hathiyar unhi ki ungli mein lag gaya jisse badshah ki ungli jati rahi. Jab badshah ne birbal ko ye samachar sunaya to we afsos parkat karne ki bjaye bole, ishwar jo karta h acchayi ke liye hi.

Badshah niras baat sunkar bahut aprasan hue. Jab mehal mein wapas aaye aur dusre din darbar mein upastit hue to aneh samjhdaro se bhi iss baat ka jikar kiya aur jo Birbal se bitri dosh rakhte the, unhe unki neenda ka awsar mila aur jo unse ban padha namak mirch hilate hue birbal ki shikayat karne lage. Badshah ko unn par krodh pehle se hi tha, inn bhadawe ki baato ne uss agni mein ghee ka kaam kiya. Birbal uss samay sabha mein upastit n the badshah ne unhe patar suchna de di ki ab pun: darbar mein hazir n ho aur n humare sammukh hi kabhi ho.

Birbal aatmabhimani purush the. Parmatma ne unhe budhi di thi, usi ke bal par weh kisi ki parwah n karte the, badshah ke iss hokum ko padhkar we jara bhi vichlit n hue, jo patarwahak badshah ka patar laya tha. Usi ke hath mein ek line likhkar badshah ke pass bhijwa diya. Patar mein birbal ne likha tha ki yeh hokum sambhawat: acchayi ke liye hi hua h. iss parkar mahino gujar gaye. Idhar birbal ke n rehne se badshah ke kuch kaamo mein harja bhi hone laga. Kintu unhe bulane ka hokum nahi diya, badshah ka khayal tha ki birbal sawah aayenge, hum kyu apni baat kharab kare? Lekin jab badshah ko birbal ke aane ki koi aasha n rahi aur samay din din karke bitane laga to unhone birbal ko bulane ke liye upaye sochna shuru kiya.
Sanyogwash badshah ek din kuch aneh darbariyo ko sath lekar shikar khelne jangal mein gaye. Kisi shikar ke piche badshah dhode. Shikar kabhi pass kabhi door ho jata isse badshah ashash uske piche dodte hi gaye, jisse unke aneh sathi bhi titat–bitar ho gaye. Pahadi rasta unhe malum n tha, shikar ke piche chalte suryaasat ho gaya, tab badshah nirash ho laute to vikral murti dhikayi padhi, jinhe dekh badshah ko darr lagne laga, dhire dhire we murti pass aa gayi aur badshah ko apne sath lekar ek makan mein pahuchi jo kisi devta ka mandir tha, Akbar ki samjh mein unn dono vikral murtiyo k aka bhawarth nahi aaya. Jab badshah waha pahuche to unhe sanan karne ko kaha gaya. Kintu unhone aanakani ki to unko hatya karne ki dhamki unn dono murtiyo ne di. Marta kya nahi karta? Badshah ne snaan swikar kiya. Unhe bhojan karaya gaya, yadhapi mare darr ke badshah se khana nahi khaya gaya. Jab snaan bhojan se nischinat ho gaya to unn dono vikral murtiyo ne unhe nanga karke devi ki murti ke samne khada kiya aur ek tej chura chamkate hue Akbar se bole hum partidin ek manusheh ke bali devi ko chadate h, aaj koi n mil saka tha, sanyogwash tum mil gaye, atehev aaj tumhi ko balidan karenge. Badshah yeh sunte hi awak se reh gaye. Unke sharir ka raha–saha khoon bhi shook gaya. We ki kartweh vimudh se reh gaye der tak we chetnashune ho zamin par gir pade. Jab chetna ka kuch sanchar hua to rone vilapane lage. Lekin waha kon sunta tha.
Aant mein kalpane ke baad badshah bole ki ishwar ke liye mujhko chod do aisa anarth mat karo. Mein tum logo ka badshah hu parantu inn sab bato ka kuch bhi asar unn rakhshsh murtiyo par n pada. Bali dene ki sari tayari ho chuki thi. Kewal chura chalane ki der thi. Sanyogwash unn rakshsh murtiyo mein se ek ne badshah ke aang parteko par dhyan diya to use ek ungli kati dhikayi di.

© http://www.rdshayri.com/birbal/ishwar_acchayi_ke_liye.php#ixzz3BNsViYQF

Badshah ne Badla Huliya

Ek baar badshah ne birbal ko darane ke liye apna behad khatrnak roop banaya aur sunsan jagah mein birbal ke samne achanak hi aa gaye.

Birbal ne unki khatrnak poshak aur unka huliya dekhkar jisme kahi sir aur sirf 2 hath dekhkar pehle to kush hokar unhe baithaya, phir kuch iss tarah mooh latka kar baith gaye jaise gehri soch mein dube hue ho.

Jab badshah akbar ne birbal ko iss tarah baithe dekha to unhe behad hairani hui aur unhne dil mein socha ki birbal ko to darna chaiye par wo darne ki bjaye hairan ho raha tha. Ab harkar badshah ne unse unke kush hone aur baad mein hairan hone ki wajah puchi.

Isi par birbal ne naram lehje mein jawab diya, "aapko dekhkar mein behad kush hua lekin aapko behrupiye ke roop mein dekhkar hairani hui ki aapko aakhir kiske dar se yah huliya bnane ki jarurat padh gayi."

Badshah birbal ka jawab sunkar behad sharminda hue or iss raaz ko raaz hi bnaye rakhne ke liye kaha

© http://www.rdshayri.com/birbal/short-story-of-akbar-and-birbal-in-hindi.php#ixzz3BNrvY8bY

The Wicked Barber’s Plight – Akbar & Birbal

As we all know, Birbal was not only Emperor Akbar’s favorite minister but also a minister dearly loved by most of the commoners, because of his ready wit and wisdom. People used to come to him from far and wide for advise on personal matters too.  However, there was a group of ministers that were jealous of his growing popularity and disliked him intensely. They outwardly showered him with praise and compliments, but on the inside they began to hatch a plot to kill him.

One day they approached the king’s barber with a plan. As the barber was extremely close to the king, they asked him to help them get rid of Birbal permanently. And of course, they promised him a huge sum of money in return. The wicked barber readily agreed.

The next time the king required his services, the barber started a conversation about the emperor’s father who he also used to serve. He sang praises of his fine, silky-smooth hair. And then as an afterthought he asked the king that as he was enjoying such great prosperity, had he made an attempt to do anything for the welfare of his ancestors?

The king was furious at such impertinent stupidity and told the barber that it was not possible to do anything because they were already dead. The barber mentioned that he knew of a magician who could come of help. The magician could send a person up to heaven to enquire about his father’s welfare. But of course this person would have to be chosen carefully; he would have to be intelligent enough to follow the magicians instructions as well as make on-the-spot decisions. He must be wise, intelligent and responsible. The barber then suggested the best person for the job – the wisest of all ministers, Birbal.

The king was very excited about hearing from his dead father and asked the barber to go ahead and make the arrangements immediately. He asked him what was needed to be done. The barber explained that they would take Birbal in a procession to the burial grounds and light a pyre. The magician would then chant some ‘mantras’ as Birbal would ascend to the heavens through the smoke. The chanting would help protect Birbal from the fire.

The king happily informed Birbal of this plan. Birbal said that he thought it a brilliant idea and wanted to know the brain behind it. When learning that it was the barber’s idea, he agreed to go to heaven on condition that he be given a large some of money for the long journey as well as one month’s time to settle his family so that they had no trouble while he was gone. The king agreed to both conditions.

In the duration of this month, he got a few trustworthy men to build a tunnel from the funeral grounds to his house. And on the day of the ascension, after the pyre had been lit, Birbal escaped through the concealed door of the tunnel. He disappeared in to his house where he hid for a few months while his hair and beard grew long and unruly.

In the meantime his enemies were rejoicing as they thought that they had seen the last of Birbal. Then one day after many, many months Birbal arrived at the palace with news of the king’s father. The king was extremely pleased to see him and ready with a barrage of questions. Birbal told the king that his father was in the best of spirits and had been provided with all the comforts except one.

The king wanted to know what was lacking because now he thought he had found a way to send things and people to heaven. Birbal answered that there were no barbers in heaven, which is why even he was forced to grow his own beard. He said that his father had asked for a good barber.

So the king decided to send his own barber to serve his father in heaven. He called both the barber and the magician to prepare to send him to heaven. The barber could say absolutely nothing in his own defense as he was caught in his own trap. And once the pyre was lit he died on the spot.

Nobody dared to conspire against Birbal again.

The Three Questions – Akbar & Birbal

King Akbar was very fond of Birbal. This made a certain courtier very jealous. Now this courtier always wanted to be chief minister, but this was not possible as Birbal filled that position.  One day Akbar praised Birbal in front of the courtier. This made the courtier very angry and he said that the king praised Birbal unjustly and if Birbal could answer three of his questions, he would accept the fact that Birbal was intelligent. Akbar always wanting to test Birbals wit readily agreed.

The three questions were

1. How many stars are there in the sky

2. Where is the centre of the Earth and

3. How many men and how many women are there in the world.

Immediately Akbar asked Birbal the three questions and informed him that if he could not answer them, he would have to resign as chief minister.

To answer the first question, Birbal brought a hairy sheep and said, “There are as many stars in the sky as there is hair on the sheep’s body. My friend the courtier is welcome to count them if he likes.”

To answer the second question, Birbal drew a couple of lines on the floor and bore an iron rod in it and said, “this is the center of the Earth, the courtier may measure it himself if he has any doubts.”

In answer to the third question, Birbal said, “Counting the exact number of men and women in the world would be a problem as there are some specimens like our courtier friend here who cannot easily be classified as either. Therefore if all people like him are killed, then and only then can one count the exact number.”

Birbal ki Salah

Ek din badshah akbar kisi karan apni pyari begam se naraj ho gaye or unka gussa itna badha ki unhone apni uss begam ko mehal se nikal jane ki aagya dedi.

uss hukum ko sunkar begam ne badshah ko parsan karne ki bahut koshish ki, par sab bekar. jab begam ne dekha ki rone weh gidgidane se kaam banne ki bjaye bigadne ki hi sambhawana h to usne badshah ki aagya ka palan karna hi uchit samjha. apni bandi ko jaruri saman bandne ki aagya dekar begam badshah ke samne chalte samay maafi maange gayi.
badshah ne apni aagya mein pariwartan nahi kiya weh begam se bole-"tum apni pasand ki ek chij jo tumhe sabse acchi lagti ho, mehal se le ja sakti ho"

lachar hokar begam apne mayke jane ko tayar hui. lekin usi waqt use birbal ki yaad aayi aur turant hi usne birbal ko bulwaya. jaise hi birbal aaye. begam ne sab baate keh sunayi aur unse badshah ko parsan karne wali tarkib btane ki prathna ki. birbal unhe jaruri salaha dekar wapas chale gaye.

ab begam ka maal-asbab gaadiya par lada jane laga aur begam ke liye palki sajai jane lagi. mehal chodne se purv begam ke liye palki sajayi jane lagii. meghal chodne se purv begam phir badshah ke pass aayi auur aankho mein aansu bharkar boli-"jahapanha, jab aap mujhe humesha ke liye vidayi de rahe h to aaj meri ek arji manjur kijiye, aapki daasi aaj chalte waqt apne hatho se aapko ek glass jaam-e-sharbat pilana chahati h. ab n jane kab aisa mauka mile"

begam ke vinit sawar ko dekhkar badshah pighal gaye aur use anumati dedi. phir kya tha begam ne badiya sharab se bhara glass badshah ko lakar pilaya. sharab ke nashe mein badshah bekhbar ho gaya. begam ne awsar pakar birbal ki salah ke ansuar ek palki par badshah ko sulakar aur ek mein khud baithkar mayke ka marg liya. waha pahuchkar badshah ko palang mein letakar khud unke pass baith gayi. raat bhar badshah ki nigrani karte karte rani raat ko bhi n soyi thi aur waha baith baithe unki aankh lag gayi. badshah ke jagte hi rani ki bhi aankh khul gayi aur weh baithkar unhe pankha karne lagi.

badshah ne begam se pucha-"mein kaha hu"
begam ne kaha-"jahapanah aap apni sasural mein h"
badshah ne pucha-"mein yaha kaise aaya"

begam ne namarta purwak kaha -"hujur aap hi ne to kaha tha ki mein apni manpasand chij lekar mehal se chali jau. mein kasam khakar kehti hu duniya mein aap se jyada meri liye koi pyara nahi h aur aap hi mere mannpasand ho" esliye maine aapko hi sath lana uchit samjha.
begam ne prempurn vachno se badshah ka gussa shant ho gaya aur unhone begam ka kasur maaf kar diya. wapas aakar begam ne birbal ko bahut dhanywad diya. aur bahut saare jawarat use uski salaha ka inaam diya.

Short Story : Birbal Always A Problem Solver

Several courtiers were vying to be the Royal Advisor of Emperor Akbar. So one day, when they came to the court, they said to the Emperor, “We want to be your Royal Advisor.” Akbar said, “No problem, but you will have to pass the test before you could be my Royal Advisor. And whoever would pass the test will be appointed my Advisor.” They agreed.

The King unfastened his waist cloth and lay down on the floor, and asked the candidates to cover him with that cloth from head to toe. Now everybody tried to cover him, but in vain. If one wanted to cover the head, then feet remained uncovered, or if the feet were covered, then his head remained open.

Just then Birbal entered the court, the king asked Birbal also, if he could cover him with that cloth from head to toe. Birbal paused a moment, then asked the Emperor politely, “Huzoor, Could you pull up your knees a little bit?” The King did so, and Birbal could cover him from head to toe with that cloth.
Realizing that they failed the test, the courtiers left the court quietly and then they never thought about being the King’s Advisor.

Birbal’s Khichri

 On a cold winter day Akbar and Birbal took a walk along the lake. A thought came to Birbal that a man would do anything for money. He expressed his feelings to Akbar. Akbar then put his finger into the lake and immediately removed it because he shivered with cold.

Akbar said “I don’t think a man would spend an entire night in the cold water of this lake for money.”
Birbal replied “I am sure I can find such a person.”
Akbar then challenged Birbal into finding such a person and said that he would reward the person with a thousand gold coins.
Birbal searched far and wide until he found a poor man who was desperate enough to accept the challenge. The poor man entered the lake and Akbar had guards posted near him to make sure that he really did as promised.
The next morning the guards took the poor man to Akbar. Akbar asked the poor man if he had indeed spent the night in the lake. The poor man replied that he had. Akbar then asked the poor man how he managed to spend the night in the lake. The poor man replied that there was a street lamp near by and he kept his attention affixed on the lamp and away from the cold. Akbar then said that there would be no reward as the poor man had survived the night in the lake by the warmth of the street lamp. The poor man went to Birbal for help.
Most Read story 38 – Birbal’s Khichri
The next day, Birbal did not go to court. The king wondering where he was sent a messenger to his home. The messenger came back saying that Birbal would come once his Khichri was cooked. The king waited hours but Birbal did not come. Finally the king decided to go to Birbal’s house and see what he was upto.
He found Birbal sitting on the floor near some burning twigs and a bowl filled with Khichri hanging five feet above the fire. The king and his attendants couldn’t help but laugh.
Akbar then said to Birbal “How can the Khichri be cooked if it so far away from the fire?”
Birbal answered “The same way the poor man received heat from a street lamp that was more than a furlong away.”
The King understood his mistake and gave the poor man his reward.

Akbar Birbal Jokes

Akbar Birbal Joke 1: (Ammi - Abba)

Akbar : Hamare ammi abba humse itni mohabt karte thhe, ke hame sulane k lie sari sari raat jagte rehte, or hum fir b na sote the.
Birbal  : Tbhi to aap eklote reh gaye huzoor.

Akbar Birbal Joke 2: (Khakar Peekar Bhi Roja Na Toote)

Akbar : Birbal koi aisa tarika batao ki main khau peeu or mera roza na tute.

Birbal : Huzur logo se laate khao or gussa pee jao sab kuch tutega magar roza nahi tutega.

Akbar Birbal Joke 3: (Ku Su Joke)
Akbar tells Birbal that he has learnt adding Ku to something makes it bad and Su to something makes it good.

While speaking all this Akbar's Son enters the room, Birbal gets up says Come Come "Suvar" Saheb (which means pig). Akbar gets very angry on this insult, he asks Birbal to explain this. Birbal says Badshah you yourself said Ku means bad and Su means good, then how could I call your son "Kuvar" (a Rajput word for Prince), hence I called him Suvar...

Akbar Birbal Joke 4: (Good Qualities)
One day, Birbal was talking of a dinner he had eaten the day before. In doing so, he described brinjal (baingan) as be -gun i.e. without any good qualities. Akbar, who at the very moment was passing by, overheard this and started praising the qualities of the brinjal as bahu-gun i.e one without myriad qualities. Birbal promptly agreed. Thereupon, Akbar remonstrated with Birbal and asked him how Birbal could contradict himself. Birbal, with his famous presence of mind, retorted 'But Your Highness, I am your servant and not of the brinjal!'


Akbar Birbal Joke 5: (Sir Student)
Sir         : Birbal Kon Tha?
Student : Pta Nahi.
Sir         : Padhai Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.
Student : Raj,Sunny,Bunty, Kon Hain?
Sir         : Pta Nhi.
Student : Beti Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.. .

Akbar Birbal Joke 6: (A Kiss)
Akbar  : Mujse Vada Kr Teri Biwi Ke Pehli Kiss muje Lene Dega.
Birbal  : Vada Hujoor! Par Meri bhi ek Sart Hai.
Akbar  : Bol?
Birbal  : Shadi aapki Behan Se Karunga.

Akbar Birbal Joke 7: (Gay)

Teacher : who was AKBAR?

Boy        : Akbar was gay!!

Teacher : why?

Boy        : v hav heard. Laila-Majnu, ......Heer-Ranjha, Adam-Eve, Soni-Mahival & only Akbar-Birbal...;)

Elephant In The Pot

Akbar: Birbal, you are late as usual. You deserve to be hanged! But tell me why are you late?
Birbal: Forgive me, your majesty, I was trying to please my son.
Akbar: What is so difficult about that?
Birbal: He was asking me for silly things!
Akbar: Were you not able to please him?
Birbal: No, your majesty.
Akbar: No? Then you are not fit to be in the court of Akbar! I am fed up with your old tricks. (To guard) Hang him!
(Birbal falls at Akbar’s feet)
Birbal: Forgive me, your majesty. Give me a chance to prove that it is not easy to please one’s son.
Akbar: Come on, prove it!
Birbal: I shall act as your son, your majesty. Try to please me.
(Akbar gets up from his throne)
Akbar: What! Okay, I shall act as your father and try to please you. (Birbal weeps) Why are you crying, my son?
Birbal: Father, father …
Akbar: What?
Birbal: Father, father … a pot.
Akbar: (Angrily) Am I a pot?
Birbal: No, no, father. I want a pot.
Akbar: (Claps his hands) Minister, get a pot for my son. (A pot is brought in and Birbal plays with it) Are you satisfied, my son?
(Birbal weeps)
Akbar: My son, my son, what do you want?
Birbal: I want, I want an elephant.
Akbar: (Claps his hands) Minister, get my son a little elephant! (A boy dressed up as an elephant is brought in. Birbal plays with it)
Birbal: Father, father …
Akbar: (Angrily) What?
Birbal: Put the elephant in the pot.
Akbar: That is not possible.
(Birbal weeps)
Birbal: Put it in the pot.
Akbar: (firmly) Son, the pot will break!
Birbal: It should not break, it should not break. Put the elephant in the pot.
Akbar: Birbal!
Birbal: (Falls at Akbar’s feet) Your majesty!
Akbar: (laughs aloud) Well, well, well. I forgive you.

Short Story : Birbal Always A Problem Solver

Several courtiers were vying to be the Royal Advisor of Emperor Akbar. So one day, when they came to the court, they said to the Emperor, “We want to be your Royal Advisor.” Akbar said, “No problem, but you will have to pass the test before you could be my Royal Advisor. And whoever would pass the test will be appointed my Advisor.” They agreed.The King unfastened his waist cloth and lay down on the floor, and asked the candidates to cover him with that cloth from head to toe. Now everybody tried to cover him, but in vain. If one wanted to cover the head, then feet remained uncovered, or if the feet were covered, then his head remained open.

Just then Birbal entered the court, the king asked Birbal also, if he could cover him with that cloth from head to toe. Birbal paused a moment, then asked the Emperor politely, “Huzoor, Could you pull up your knees a little bit?” The King did so, and Birbal could cover him from head to toe with that cloth.
Realizing that they failed the test, the courtiers left the court quietly and then they never thought about being the King’s Advisor.

How Akbar Meet Birbal

Akbar loved hunting and used to escape to go for hunting even from his studies. Well, later he became a better rider and hunter than any one of his courtiers. One day when Akbar went for hunting, he and his some of the courtiers went so fast that they left the others behind. As the evening fell, everybody got very hungry and thirsty, they found that they had lost their way and now did not know where to go.

At last they came to a junction of three roads. King was very happy to see the roads that now he could go reach his capital through one of these roads, but which road was to go to his capital – Agra. They were all thinking about it and could not decide it. In the mean time they saw a young boy coming along one road. The boy was summoned and Akbar asked him, “Hey young boy! Which road goes to Agra?” The boy smiled and spoke, “Huzoor, everybody knows that road cannot move so how these roads can go to Agra or anywhere else?” and laughed at his own joke.
Everybody was silent, didn’t say a word. The boy said again, “People travel, not the roads. Do they?” Emperor laughed at this and said, “No, you are right.” The Emperor asked again, “What is your name, young boy?” “Mahesh Das” The boy replied and asked the Emperor, “And who are you Huzoor? What is your name?” The Emperor took out his Ring and gave it to the boy. “You are talking to Emperor Akbar – the King of Hindustaan (India). We need fearless people like you. You come to the court, with this Ring I will recognize you immediately. Now tell me the way to get to Agra. We have to reach there soon?”
Mahesh Das bowing lowly pointed towards the road going to Agra, and the King headed on that road.
That is how the Emperor Akbar met the future Birbal.

Best Jokes

एक दिन बादशाह अकबर ने कागज पर पैन्सिल से एक लंबी लकीर खींची और बीरबल को बुला कर कहा: बीरबल कुछ ऐसा करो कि न तो यह लकीर घटाई जाए और न ही मिटाई जाए लेकिन छोटी हो जाए?

बीरबल ने फौरन उस लकीर के नीचे एक दूसरी लकीर पहली से बड़ी खींच दी.

बीरबल बोले:  अब आप की लकीर इससे छोटी हो गई.

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बहु: मां जी, ये अभी तक नहीं आए, कहीं किसी दूसरी लड़की के साथ…

सास: अरे कलमुंही, तू हमेशा उल्टा क्यूं सोचती है? ऐसा भी तो हो सकता है कि किसी ट्रक के नीचे आ गया हो.

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संता अपनी पहली सुहागरात की रात अपनी नई नवेली दुल्हन चमेली को सहलाते हुए बोला:  तुम्हें पता है! मैं ना हमारी शादी से पहले छह: सात लड़कियों के साथ सबंध रख चुका हूं.
नई नवेली दुल्हन चमेली ने मुस्कुरा कर जबाव दिया: मुझे तो पहले से ही पता था, जब हमारी कुंडली इतनी अच्छी मिली है तो दोनों की आदतें भी जरूर मिलेंगी ही ना..

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पत्नी: अगर मैं खो गई तो तुम क्या करोगे?

संता: निर्मल बाबा के पास जाऊंगा.

पत्नी: कितने अच्छे हो, क्या कहोगे उनसे?

संता: मैं बोलूंगा कि हुजूर आपकी कृपा आनी शुरू हो गई है.

Jokes Funny

Sardar Apni Biwi K Sath Auto Me Beitha.
Driver Ne Side Mirror Adjust Kiya.
Sardar-SALE MERI BIWI KO DEKHTA H.
Chal Piche Beith Auto Me Chalaunga..!:D
gn :)
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"The greatest justice in life is that
your vision and looks tend to go simultaneously."

Good Morning !!
..............................................................................
Martin Luther- 
"If you cant Fly, Run;
If you cant Run, Walk;
If you cant Walk, Crawl.
But Keep Moving."

Sardar- "Wo to theek hai par jana kaha hai?"
..............................................................................
Sardar teacher tha.
Exam k liye Questn Paper banaya.. 
Paper dekhte hi sare bachhe behosh ho gaye..
1. China kis Desh me hai?
2. 15 Aug kis Date ko Aata he?
..............................................................................
Sardar was reading financial times.
Headlines : "microsoft buys yahoo messenger for $ 8.5 billion..."

He says " O teri... Kharida kyu ? Download kar leta pagle.
..............................................................................

Patient: Santa, ye phulo ki mala kis k liye?
Santa: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nhi to tmhare liye.

Once Banta got a party invitation saying..... Black tie only !
At the party, Banta ws vry shocked 2 see othr ppl wearing suits also !!!!!!

Santa ( to his son ) : Itne km marks? do thappad marne chayiye.......!
Santa's son : Haan papa.. chalo...mene us master ka ghr dekha hai.....!

Santa nd Banta in a football stadium..
Santa : Paji, ye log ball se kya kr rhe hai?
Banta : goal kr rhe hain!!!
Santa :"lekin paji ball to pehle se gol hai , or kitni gol Krenge?"

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran awy
Sardar ran 2 catch d donkey.
He saw a zebra & startd beating it & said
"SALA Tracksuit pahn k dhoka De raha hai".

Girl:- Jaldi khidki se kudo, papa aa gye hai.
Boy:- Lekin ye 13v mnzil hai,
Girl:- Janu ye shagun - apshagun sochne ka waqt nhi hai jaldi kudo.

Santa-Beta agr tm fail ho jao to mujhe papa mt kehna
(Some days later)
Papa-Bete result ka kya hua?
Santa-Dimag kharab mt kr "MangiLal

Santa: Agr tmhe kuch ho gya to mai Pagal ho jaunga.
Jeto: Dusri shadi to nhi kroge?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kr skta hai..

Masterji: kl school kyu nhi aya.
Santa: Gir gya tha or lg gayi.
Masterji: kaha gire, kaha lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur ANKH lg gyi..

Santa: "God, if u give me 100 rs, I will donate 50 rs in tmpl".

(After waliking sm distance, he finds a 50 rs note)

Santa: "Shame on u God, u don't even trust me a little? u hv already takn ur share!"

Master: Mai tenu kutte pe essay likhne ho
keha tha, Likh k kyu nhi liya ?
Santa: Ki krda master g,
kahi bhi mai kutte pe Pen rkha wo bhagya!!!

Donkey Insult Reply

Once Akbar went to the river with his two sons and wise Minister Birbal. On the bank of the river, Akbar and his two sons took off their clothes and asked Birbal to take care of them while they took bath in the river.
Birbal was waiting for them to come out of the river. All the clothes were on his shoulder. Looking at Birbal standing like this, Akbar felt like teasing him, so he said to him, “Birbal, you look like as if you are carrying a washerman’s donkey load.”

Birbal quickly retorted, “Sir, Washer-man’s donkey carries only one donkey’s load, I am carrying three donkey’s load.” Akbar was speechless.

Answering A Question With A Question

One day Akbar asked Birbal, “Birbal, can you tell me how many bangles are on your wife’s hand?” Birbal said, “No, Huzoor, I cannot.” “You cannot? Although everyday you see her hand, still you cannot tell how many bangles are on her hand. How is that?” said Akbar.

Birbal said, “Let’s go to the garden, Your Majesty. And I will tell you “How is that” and they both went to the garden. They both went down a small staircase which led to the garden. After reaching in the garden Birbal asked, “You daily climb up and down this small staircase, could you tell how many steps it has?”

Akbar smiled and then changed the subject

The Foolish Brahmin

 Once upon a time a foolish brahmin came to visit Birbal with a strange request. He wanted to be addressed as ‘pandit’. Now, the term ‘pandit’ refers to a man of learning. But unfortunately this poor brahmin was uneducated. Birbal tried to explain the difference to him saying that it was not correct to call an uneducated man a pandit and because of this very reason it would be improper to call him so. But the silly brahmin had his heart set on this title.

So, as usual, Birbal had a brilliant idea. He said that as the brahmin was an uneducated man he should hurl abuses and stones at anyone who dared to address him by the very same title he wanted. Then Birbal called all his servants to himself and ordered them to call this lowly brahmin a pandit. The brahmin was very pleased. But the moment the servants started calling out to him as ‘pandit’ he pretended to be very angry and started to abuse them loudly. Then he picked up a few stones and hurled them in their direction. All as per clever Birbal’s advice.

All this shouting and screaming drew a crowd. When people realised that this brahmin was erupting every time anyone called him ‘pandit’, they all started to tease him. Over the next couple of days, he would constantly hear the refrain ‘pandit’ wherever he went. Very soon the whole town started referring to him as ‘pandit’ much to his delight.

The foolish brahmin never realised why people were calling him in this manner. And was extremely pleased with the result. He thanked Birbal from the very bottom of his foolish heart.

Akbar Birbal Jokes

Akbar Birbal Joke 1: (Ammi - Abba)

Akbar : Hamare ammi abba humse itni mohabt karte thhe, ke hame sulane k lie sari sari raat jagte rehte, or hum fir b na sote the.
Birbal  : Tbhi to aap eklote reh gaye huzoor.

Akbar Birbal Joke 2: (Khakar Peekar Bhi Roja Na Toote)

Akbar : Birbal koi aisa tarika batao ki main khau peeu or mera roza na tute.

Birbal : Huzur logo se laate khao or gussa pee jao sab kuch tutega magar roza nahi tutega.

Akbar Birbal Joke 3: (Ku Su Joke)
Akbar tells Birbal that he has learnt adding Ku to something makes it bad and Su to something makes it good.

While speaking all this Akbar's Son enters the room, Birbal gets up says Come Come "Suvar" Saheb (which means pig). Akbar gets very angry on this insult, he asks Birbal to explain this. Birbal says Badshah you yourself said Ku means bad and Su means good, then how could I call your son "Kuvar" (a Rajput word for Prince), hence I called him Suvar...

Akbar Birbal Joke 4: (Good Qualities)
One day, Birbal was talking of a dinner he had eaten the day before. In doing so, he described brinjal (baingan) as be -gun i.e. without any good qualities. Akbar, who at the very moment was passing by, overheard this and started praising the qualities of the brinjal as bahu-gun i.e one without myriad qualities. Birbal promptly agreed. Thereupon, Akbar remonstrated with Birbal and asked him how Birbal could contradict himself. Birbal, with his famous presence of mind, retorted 'But Your Highness, I am your servant and not of the brinjal!'


Akbar Birbal Joke 5: (Sir Student)
Sir         : Birbal Kon Tha?
Student : Pta Nahi.
Sir         : Padhai Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.
Student : Raj,Sunny,Bunty, Kon Hain?
Sir         : Pta Nhi.
Student : Beti Pe Dhyan Do to Pta Chale.. .

Akbar Birbal Joke 6: (A Kiss)
Akbar  : Mujse Vada Kr Teri Biwi Ke Pehli Kiss muje Lene Dega.
Birbal  : Vada Hujoor! Par Meri bhi ek Sart Hai.
Akbar  : Bol?
Birbal  : Shadi aapki Behan Se Karunga.

Akbar Birbal Joke 7: (Gay)

Teacher : who was AKBAR?

Boy        : Akbar was gay!!

Teacher : why?

Boy        : v hav heard. Laila-Majnu, ......Heer-Ranjha, Adam-Eve, Soni-Mahival & only Akbar-Birbal...;)

औरंगजेब और गूगल

औरंगजेब: सेनापति, बताओ हम शिवाजी को क्यों नहीं ढूंढ़ पा रहे हैं?

सेनापति: सॉरी महाराज, पर हम मुगल हैं गूगल नहीं!!

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पापा (बेटे से): तुम्हारी मम्मी इतनी शांति से क्यों बैठी है?

बेटा: कुछ नहीं पापा, उन्होंने लिपस्टिक लाने को कहा था और मैं फेवीस्टिक ले आया.

पापा : गॉड ब्लेस यू माई सन!!

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एक बार एक हसबैंड ने शिकायत की…

डीयर गूगल,

प्लीज मेरी वाइफ की तरह बिहैव करना बंद करो…

..

प्लीज तुम्हारे सजेशन्स से पहले मुझे सेंटेस कंप्लीट कर लेने दो….

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स्मार्ट हसबैंड!

एक बार मां ने शादीशुदा बेटे से पूछा:

“तू मुझसे ज्यादा प्यार करता है या अपनी बीवी से?”

स्मार्ट हसबैंड जिसकी बीवी सामने ही बैठी हुई थी:

“मैं नहीं जानता मां….

तुम्हारे प्यार में मैं वाइफ को भूल जाता हूं…

और…

उसका प्यार और केयर से तुम्हारी याद आती है!

गले में पानी फंस गया

संता एक दिन प्लेन से कहीं जा रहा था. अचानक उसने पायलट को देखा और प्लेन के पायलट से हेडफोन छीन रहा था.

पायलट: ये क्या कर रहे हो?

संता: टिकट के पैसे हम लोग दें और गाने तू अकेला सुनेगा.

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एक दिन संता अपने दोस्त की बारात में गया. वह खाने का इंतजार कर रहा था और वेटर बार-बार पानी परोसे जा रहा था.

संता (परेशान होकर): मेरे गले में पानी फंस गया है. थोड़े रसगुल्ले दो.

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संता पुलिस स्टेशन एफआईआर लिखाने गया.

संता: मुझे फोन  पर धमकी मिल रही है.

पुलिस: कौन तुम्हें धमकी दे रहा है?

संता: कस्टमर केयर वाले!

.

.

बोलते हैं….

‘बिल न भरा, तो काट देंगे…”

****************     ********************

फकीर (संता से): सुनो बेटा! तेरी बीवी में एक चुड़ैल की आत्मा घुस गई है. उपाय करवाओ.

संता: उपाय क्यों बाबा? अगर दो बहनें आपस में गले मिल रही हैं तो इस में हर्ज ही क्या है?

नाक में फिनायल छिड़कवाया?

एक दिन संता किसी पार्क में बैठा था.

बंता: क्या कर रहे हो?
संता: बदला ले रहा हूं.
बंता: किस से?
संता: वक्त ने मुझे बर्बाद किया है, अब मैं वक्त को बर्बाद कर रहा हूं.

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बंता: तुम्हारे घर की नाली से बड़ी दुर्गन्ध आती है फिनायल क्यों नहीं छिड़कते?

संता: तुम्हें कैसे पता चला दुर्गन्ध आती है?
बंता: नाक से.
संता: तो अपने नाक में फिनायल क्यों नहीं छिड़कवा लेते?

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बंता (खाना खाते हुए): ये तुम्हारा कुत्ता बहुत देर से घूर रहा है.

संता: तुम जल्दी से खा लो, नहीं तो वो अपनी प्लेट पहचान जायेगा.

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संता अंडे लेकर घर जा रहा था. बंता ने उसमें से कुछ अंडे मांगे…

संता: अगर तू बता दे कि मेरी टोकरी में क्या है, तो टोकरी के आधे अंडे तेरे…और ये भी बता दे कितने हैं तो 10 के 10 तेरे…और अगर ये भी बता दे कि अंडे किसके हैं….तो मुर्गी भी तेरी?
बंता: अबे कोई संकेत (Hint) तो दे दे.

Santa Banta Jokes

संता: तूने कोई 3डी मूवी देखी है.

बंता: हां.

संता: कौन सी?

बंता: दिन दहाड़े डकैती.

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संता बंता से
संता : यार कल मैने एक आदमी को दरिया में डूबते हुए बाहर निकाल लिया.
बंता : फिर क्‍या हुआ?
संता : फिर वापिस दरिया में फेंक दिया.
बंता : तुमने ऐसा क्यों किया?
संता : कहावत है नेकी कर दरिया में डाल.

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संता की पत्नी

संता: आपकी पत्नी क्यों भाग गई?
बंता : पता नहीं! मैं बाथरूम में नहाने गया और वो भाग गई!
संता : लगता है ऐसे मौके के लिये बेचारी सालों इंतज़ार करती रही!

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संता और शराब
संता ने हवा में सिक्का उछाला.
हेड आया तो विस्की पीनी है.
टेल आया तो रम पीनी है.

खड़ा रहा तो बियर और अगर हवा में रहा तो आज से दारू बंद.

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